The Razorback

Relax Take It Easy!

2008-04-06T17:30:00.001+10:00

A good friend (Mr D) recently asked me if he was allowed to say “Relax!” to me. It was in response to the way I felt about an incident which occurred recently on an intercity bus, and the way I handled the flirtations from a fellow passenger who sat next to me.

Mr C, a mutual friend of Mr D and I, recently also wrote some words of admonishment to me, when he learnt that I was feeling heavily weighed down by the burdens I was feeling for various friends who were (and are) on a similar journey of faith that we're on. He wrote, “God gives each of us our burdens to bear, do not get enmeshed in the challenges God gives to others. He will also apportion the grace necessary to overcome it. All you are asked to do is pray and be obedient to the Spirit’s prompting and/conviction to respond (if any). Your heart is your fortune/treasure, do not be reckless with it!”

Perhaps God had something to teach me through Mr C and Mr D. I love train rides. When I was younger and had time up my sleeves, I used to sometimes hop onto a train in Melbourne and let it take me right to the end of the train line just so I could see other parts of Melbourne that I normally wouldn’t get to see.

Lately, I’ve been wondering where the train I’m on is heading, and which train line I'm actually on. I had friends who were on the train with me, who boarded it willingly because they believed in travelling to the same destination as I was heading towards. But as I watched these same friends slowly get off at various stations one by one as they began to find it too claustrophobic or the travel class too uncomfortable and restrictive, I sat in my seat and with each disembarkation, felt my heart sink a little bit further. The journey started with much hope and vigour and excitement for the future. Who would have thought it would be this long and difficult?

And so lately, I have found myself looking out the carriage window and started wondering if perhaps the grass is greener outside as it appears. I do not think it is. Or at least much of it is not. Still it is cold comfort to the fact that many friends are no longer on the train journey with me. It is in the midst of all this, that through Mr C and D that I catch a glimpse of a different perspective. That God knows where my friends are. And he knows which station they’re at, and which alternate route they’ve taken. And that I need only to concentrate on my own train journey with God. God does not stop me from thinking about or missing my friends. And he appreciates my thinking of them, but he also wants me to “relax”, to also trust Him and not take on any unnecessary baggage that other people may have left behind on the train.

Relax. Truth be told, letting go of our futures and our plans and letting God take control is easier said than done sometimes. And I can be scared shitless some days. Still it is a comforting thought knowing God is also on the train with me. I love this song.

'Relax, Take It Easy' by Mika

Took a ride to the end of the line
Where no one ever goes
Ended up on a broken train with nobody I know
But the pain and the longing's the same
Where the dying
Now I’m lost and I’m screaming for help

Chorus
Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you

It’s as if I’m scared
It’s as if I’m terrified
It’s as if I scared
It’s as if I’m playing with fire
Scared
It’s as if I’m terrified
Are you scared?
Are we playing with fire?

Relax
There is an answer to the darkest times
It’s clear we don’t understand
But the last thing on my mind is to leave you
I believe that we’re in this together
Don’t scream – there are so many roads left

Blowing Bubbles

2008-04-06T16:00:00.002+10:00

I first heard this song about nine months ago, when a friend (Mr W) lent me a couple of CDs consisting of a compilation of songs he had burnt. He said that there might be a few songs in there that I might like. And he was right. There was one song in particular - 'Blowing Bubbles' by the Lightning Seeds.

‘Blowing Bubbles’ made me laugh at first because it seemed so frivolous, so silly to be singing about bubbles. Yet the reason why I like this song so much is precisely because it’s not frivolous. I love how its seemingly frivolous chorus gives off an air of ridiculousness. Yet scratch the surface a little and you find that the lyrics actually encapsulate an aspect of humanity which is so close to me, and perhaps to many of us.

And it’s then that the very act of ‘blowing bubbles’ suddenly becomes far more meaningful than the superfluous, innocent image it may have conveyed initially.

As I ponder about the lyrics, I wonder how many of us have spent long nights and days talking to ourselves and to loved ones, sometimes going round in circles, searching for answers and reasons to questions that cannot be answered? How we have tried all sorts of ways to ease the pain and make it go away. And how many lies I have – you have – we have – had to swallow sometimes just to face the world? And what happens when our seemingly perfect bubble dream or dreams burst? And we are forced to recalibrate and take stock of our direction again. Just how long will I – will we keep dreaming elusive perfect bubbles? And how long will I hold out for that deep… whatever it is that I am longing and dreaming for?

Perhaps it’s time to sweep the picture clean, end the foggy yesterday and start afresh, anew? Is there a need to? And how do I invite God back in? Where do you fit into all this, into our lives, God? How much of it is me, and how much of it is it really you, in the form of the Holy Spirit? And do I still trust You? Do I even trust myself? Thing is, how do I get You to blow bubbles with me?

This song is as much for me as it is for the good friend I mentioned in one of my recent posts 'Songs for a Friend'. Unfortunately, I have yet to find an audio/video clip freely available online that I could embed in this post. However, here is a link to an audio clip which will allow you to listen to the song once. May it bring you some light-hearted cheer and put a smile on your face. And as for Mr W – you’re a Godsend. Thank you for blowing bubbles into my life.

'Blowing Bubbles' (from the album Pure)

A whole night

Of talking in circles

Searching for reasons to save us

And keep it all painless

All the lies you've had to swallow

Just to face the world tomorrow
Blowing bubbles

Your whole world

Can turn on a moment

Some things can come back and haunt you

They're too late to warn you

Blowing bubbles, it's the final straw

They never last too long but for a moment

Perfection’s floating through an open door
You try and touch it but it turns to nothing

Drinking in the dead of night

Tobacco clouds that sting your eyes

You've locked your feelings deep inside

Growing pains that never die

You need to sweep the picture clean

And start to dream another dream

And end this foggy yesterday

That still reminds you

Nobody Sees

2008-04-06T15:00:00.001+10:00

Seems like these days, words don’t come to me as easily as they used to. I find that it is much easier to let music do my talking instead.

Whenever I listen to this Powderfinger song, I find myself converging in my mind in two slightly different directions.

The first is that of self-reflection and a stocktaking of my own life – the questions I haven’t dared yet to ask, the “what ifs” to the many possible paths I could take in this life. The questions that belie the deeper hopes and dreams that I haven’t yet dared breathe life into. The unanswered questions. Like the Psalmists who penned many heartwrenching psalms and songs in the Old Testament, he knows the lament is not offensive to God, who longs to hear our grievances.

"All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you." Psalm 38:9
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
And like the Psalmist, at the end of it, I know I can find comfort in Christ,who wept for his dead friend Lazarus, and again over the fate of Jerusalem before his crucifixion. He knows what it is like to have a broken heart and he knows what it is to be abandoned and alone.

"Jesus wept." John 11:35

Nobody Sees - Powderfinger

Who's gonna pick you up?
Who's gonna bend your rules?
Who's gonna be your prop?
Who's gonna play your fool?

Nobody knows just how it feels today
Nobody sees how our hearts break

Who's gonna watch your back?
Who's gonna reel you in?
Who'll make surprise attacks?
Who's gonna be there at the end?

Nobody knows just how it feels today
Nobody sees how our hearts break

Who's gonna bring you round?
Who's gonna let you sleep?
Who's gonna break your frown?
Who's gonna fall down at your feet?

The second direction my mind takes is that on friendships and the beauty of close friendships. I think of Sam and Frodo from Lord of the Rings or David and Jonathan, or Ruth and Naomi from the Old Testament. The friend or friends who will stand by your side for better, for worse. Or as this next YouTube videoclip suggests, between Dean and Sam from Supernatural. Now, I have never ever seen an episode of Supernatural so I really cannot comment on their relationship in the context of the TV show.

But I thought the clip portrayed their friendship in a way that was strangely analogous to the journey that we are on – for those of us who are followers of Christ – in terms of our duty of care and love we have towards our fellow pilgrims, our fellow brothers (and sisters) in Christ. Of how we are to encourage one another and to help carry each other’s burdens and to watch out for each other, not forgetting that our struggle is not just against flesh and blood, but also against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Ephesians 6:12)

Click here for if you're curious in checking out the YouTube clip with the same song set to scenes involving Dean and Sam from Supernatural.

Songs for a Friend

2008-03-13T23:10:00.005+11:00

It's hard to know what to say sometimes when a good friend is finding life tough going. One can only listen and pray and hope that they will come through it OK. It can be scary when all that you once thought you knew and were so sure of suddenly doesn't seem to make sense any more. And you wonder what went wrong and whether it's been all a waste of time and if you can indeed find your own way.

This is a prayer of songs - a terrible one at that because the music just seems so all over the place. Nonetheless the lyrics capture some of the raw emotions that we sometimes encounter on this journey called life. And I hope that the last song will lift your spirits a little - may it remind us to always feel the morning sun and to grasp the hope and promise of a brand new day with each sunrise.

In the Sun - Joseph Arthur (Performed by Michael Stipe & Coldplay)

I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you've seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

May God’s love be with you
Always
May God’s love be with you

I know I would apologise if I could see your eyes
'Cause when you showed me myself I became someone else
But I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need
I picture you fast asleep
A nightmare comes
You can’t keep awake

May God’s love be with you
Always
May God’s love be with you

‘Cause if I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find
If I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find
You

I don’t know anymore
What it’s for
I’m not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understand
‘Cause I been caught in between all you wish for and all you need
Maybe you’re not even sure what it’s for
Any more than me

Wake Up Dead Man - U2

Jesus, Jesus help me
I'm alone in this world
And a fucked up world it is too
Tell me, tell me the story
The one about eternity
And the way it's all gonna be

Wake up, wake up dead man
Wake up, wake up dead man

Your father, he's in charge of heaven
He made the world in seven
Would you put in a word in for... me

Walk On - U2

And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
If for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong

Walk on, walk on
What you got, they can't steal it
No, they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight

You're packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been
A place that has to be believed, to be seen
You could have flown away
A singing bird in an open cage
Who will only fly, only fly, for freedom

Walk on, walk on
What you got, they can't deny it
Can't sell it, or buy it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight

And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
You can only take so much
Walk on

Home - Hard to know what it is, if you never had one
Home - I can't say what it is, but I know I'm going
Home - It's where the hurt is

And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
You can only take so much
Walk on

You gotta leave it behind
Leave it behind
You've got to leave it behind

All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you deal
All you count on two fingers
And steal

Leave it behind
You've gotta leave it behind
Leave it behind
Leave it behind

Se a vida e (That’s the Way Life Is) - Pet Shop Boys

Come outside and see a brand new day
The troubles in your mind will blow away
It's easy to believe they're here to stay
But you won't find them standing in your way

Se a vida e, I love you
Come outside and feel the morning sun
Se a vida e, I love you
Life is much more simple when you're young
Come on, essa vida e
That's the way life is
That's the way life is

Although we see the world through different eyes
We share the same idea of paradise
So don't search in the stars for signs of love
Look around your life, you'll find enough

Why do you want to sit alone in gothic gloom
Surrounded by the ghosts of love that haunt your room?
Somewhere there's a different door to open wide
You gotta throw those skeletons out of your closet and come outside

So you will see a brand new day
The troubles in your mind will blow away
It's easy to believe they're here to stay
But you won't find them standing in your way

Se a vida e, I love you
Come outside and feel the morning sun
Se a vida e', I love you
Life is much more simple when you're young
Come on, essa vida e
That's the way life is
That's the way life is

Love is in the Air

2008-02-08T00:17:00.000+11:00

In just the last 24 hours alone, four people I know have gotten engaged. With three of them, I was told of the news separately but consecutively within the space of about 30 minutes – literally! My head was spinning. I actually seriously doubted the third person – poor bugger – thinking it was some kind of a joke, but he eventually convinced me that he wasn’t pulling my leg. People say that things often come in threes and in this case, that certainly was the case.

And this is not including another distant friend’s announcement of his engagement two weekends ago or a work colleague’s engagement dinner party which I’ve been invited to this weekend or the wedding of a good friend down in Melbourne early next month. Should I even bother mentioning another friend from my teenage years who’s tying the knot in mid March or my cousin’s wedding in late March? That’s altogether nine couples – eight straight, one gay – who have gotten engaged or who will be tying the knot and we’re barely into the second month of 2008! Looks like Cupid certainly has been busy in the lead up to Valentine’s Day. And looks like it will be an expensive year for me ahead!

As I ponder about the beauty and joy of relationships, I cannot but feel happiness for these friends of mine – some more so than others, especially those with whom I have witnessed significant personal growth in their lives because of the relationship. Companionship and love are good gifts from God and they are to be celebrated.

But this is also where I stop and remember my fellow pilgrims and sojourners who are single, be that by choice or circumstance. My heart goes out especially to those who have chosen to remain single, but who find themselves struggling with that choice. Those who struggle with carrying a cross in which they perhaps feel they did not willingly choose to carry in the first place.

This made me ponder and reflect on my own life. Often, when people probe about why I’m not looking for a relationship, I tell them that I’m content with life as it is – being single. Admittedly, while circumstance may have forced my hand somewhat, ultimately, it is also a choice I have willingly made. But am I really content or am I just settling for what I feel is the only default option available to me?

I was recently reminded again that contentment is not about self-sufficiency but rather Christ sufficiency. That contentment is not about resignation and acceptance of the status quo but satisfaction with what one has chosen. It is not the surrender of ambition but rather the submission to Christ and to His purposes. Godly contentment therefore isn’t a case of becoming complacent, passive or a stoic detachment from life.

Being reminded about what contentment is all about - in the face of seeing friends pairing up and seeing the joys and blessings of companionship, made me reflect again. And I wondered - how much of what I say about my being single and being content is really true, and how much of it is mere well-rehearsed rhetoric? How much of my ‘contentment’ can truly be attributed to Christ sufficiency and not just a case of resignation or a passive acceptance of the status quo in my life? Or indeed, a surrender of ambition, of hope on my part? This is important – because I realised that merely resigning myself to the status quo will breed discontentment. It will be like a wound that becomes infected. It is also self-delusional. If I choose singleness, it must be because I have freely chosen, freely given up, freely renounced (marriage) – and not because of forced resignation or under duress.

The late Walter Trobisch wisely wrote, “The art of giving up, of renouncing, is also the secret of happiness in a single person’s life. To give up one’s self is as important for a single person as it is for one who is married. Those who learn this art will never be lonesome, even if they are single. Those who don’t will always be lonesome, even though they are married (or partnered).”

Indeed, as followers of Christ, our primary loyalties in life shift as soon as we come into personal contact with Jesus. Jesus insists that his followers live sacrificial lives that will make little sense in the eyes of the world. “Anyone does not take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. (Matthew 10:38-39).

Al Hsu in The Single Issue, writes about “a time of reckoning” in our lives. He says, “To take up one’s cross is to be sentenced to death. But this is something that all singles must eventually grapple with, and come to a time of reckoning. Almost everybody grows up expecting to marry. We live with the expectation of marriage. Because we plan on having a mate, to not have one implies a sense of loss and incompleteness, and perhaps may lead to feelings of loneliness and failure. But as adulthood continues, we encounter a transition time when we discover that our dreams may have been unrealistic. It is not wrong to hope for a relationship or a marriage. But it is definitely not healthy to build our lives around events that are uncertain. Instead, individuals, especially Christians, must learn both to prepare for the future and to live fully in the present. We must face the fact that marriage may not be a possibility. It is only then when I come to this point that I completely hand over my life to God – all my dreams, hopes and desires for a partner, and tell him that my first priority will be to find my identity in Christ and in him alone. And this reckoning is a kairos moment – a significant moment in time in which I acknowledge that I am called to live my life fully for Christ regardless of my marital or relationship (italics mine) status.”

Richard Foster calls this kind of ‘reckoning’ – this living sacrifice experience – ‘relinquishment’. And that the way of relinquishment is the movement from “my will be done” to “not my will, but yours (that is, Christ)”. This process involves struggle, because it is difficult to give up those desires and dreams that are so dear to us. But this is just the process. Foster says, “Struggle is important because the prayer of relinquishment is Christian prayer and not fatalism. We do not resign ourselves to fate. We are not locked into a pre-set, determinist future. Ours is an open, not a closed universe. We are co-labourers with God, as the apostle Paul put it – working with God to determine the outcome of events. Therefore our prayer efforts are a genuine give and take, a true dialogue with God – and a true struggle.”

But reckoning and relinquishment do not mean that we lose all that we have ever hoped for in life. Foster reminds us, “We are dealing with crucifixion of the will, not the obliteration of the will. Crucifixion always has resurrection tied to it.” Death is a central theme in Christian theology only because it prepares the way for the glory of the resurrection. God allows us to continue living after the reckoning point because people who are fully committed to him can be the most productive for the cause of Christ. But relinquishment and contentment is not a state at which we arrive suddenly over night, or once and for all. It is a slow pilgrimage, and there are many stumblings and bruisings along the way. And such a reckoning isn’t just only for singles but every person.

As Valentine’s Day approaches, I am reminded again that I am still continuously learning how to cultivate relinquishment and contentment. It has not always been easy. But it has gotten easier over time. May I share the Prayer of Therese with you. Click here.

A Prayer by Therese...

2008-02-07T23:34:00.001+11:00

We who are not committed to you
Jesus, in either a consecrated celibacy or marriage
Are coming to renew our covenant with you

We are still on the road to which you have called us
But whose name you haven’t given us
We are carrying the poverty of not knowing where you are leading us

On this road, there is the pain of not being chosen
Not being loved, not being waited for, not being touched
There is the pain of not choosing, not loving, not waiting, not touching
We don’t belong - our house is not a home; we have nowhere to lay our head

Even though we have become impatient and depressed
When faced with the choice of others
Unhappy when faced with their efficiency, we still say ‘yes’ to our road

We believe that it is the road of our fecundity

The road we must take to grow in you

Because our hearts are poor and empty, they are available
We make them a place of welcome for our brothers
Because our hearts are poor and empty, they are wounded
We let the cry of our thirst rise to you

And we thank you, Lord
For the road of fecundity you have chosen for us.

From Jean Vanier, Community and Growth, Revised Edition, 1989

Heath Ledger 1979–2008

2008-01-23T23:55:00.000+11:00

"All of our days pass away under your wrath
We finish our years with a moan
The length of our days is seventy years
Or eighty, if we have the strength
Yet their span is but trouble and sorrow
For they quickly pass, and we fly away...
Teach us to number our days aright
That we may gain a heart of wisdom."

Psalms 90:9-10,12

Brokeback Mountain - A Personal Take
Brokeback Mountain - An Objective Take

Your Banner Is Over Me...

2007-08-19T21:57:00.000+10:00

“Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love. Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love.” Song of Solomons 2:3-5

‘Inside Outside’ by Delirious

Inside outside, under my skin
Never ending love I don’t know where it begins
I don’t know where it ends, I don’t know how high
I don’t know how deep, I don’t know how wide

Outside inside, around the world
Never ending love envelops me like a cloud
I feel you in front, I feel you behind, I feel you up above
And I feel you at the side

And you, you’re all over me, you’re all over me
Your banner is over me
I give it all ‘cause

You still captivate me, fascinate me
You still captivate me, saturate me

Inside outside, pulling me in
No matter where I run I know you’ll never give in
I see you in the storm, I see you in a kiss
I’ve been around the world and never found a love like this

You’re all over me, you’re all over me
You’re everything I want to be
I’m all over you, you’re everything I want to see
You’re all over me

You still captivate me, fascinate me
You still captivate me, saturate me
You still captivate me, liberate me
You still captivate me

Written by Martin Smith/Stu Garrard ©2003 Curious? Music UK

Spider-Man 3

2007-07-25T22:35:00.000+10:00

One late autumn afternoon four years ago, a friend and I visited the Shrine of Remembrance in Melbourne. Inside the war memorial, I pointed out to him a quote that had been inscripted on a plaque on the floor. That quote came from none other than Jesus himself, who proclaimed, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13)

What is this love that compels someone to put the interests and well-being of his friend above that of his own? And if taken literally – as was the case at the war memorial – to even sacrifice one’s own life for the sake of one’s friend?

I went and saw ‘Spider-Man 3’ a couple of weekends ago. And I didn’t like it. It went on for much longer than it should have, there were lots of cheesy bits in it and it’s also never easy watching any of your beloved superheroes turn into someone you wouldn’t want to know right in front of your very eyes. However, I really enjoyed the themes that were explored in the film.

I enjoyed it because I squirmed in my seat as I began to see bits of myself in ‘Spider-Man’ as he turned ‘bad’ and it made me think of my own life. I think if we are honest with ourselves, many of us can see ourselves – or at least parts of ourselves – in ‘Spider-Man’ as he struggles with what he really wants.

The spiritual allegories in ‘Spider-Man 3’ are unmistakenably there – if you are willing to see it with a different set of eyes. The storyline takes us on a journey of discovering a darker side of Spider-Man we haven't seen before. In the film, Spider-Man gets infected by a parasitic living alien organism from outerspace, which not only gives him much greater power and agility, but also brings to life the dormant seeds of unresolved anger, hurt and resentment within Spider-Man over the murder of his uncle.

As Spider-Man repeatedly dons this new ‘dark’ suit each time, he begins to feed the anger, pain and resentment within him and his appetite for revenge grows. He begins to care more and more about his own desires for revenge towards the villains and less and less about those he purportedly loves. He wants those who've hurt him to know how it also feels and he wants to teach the perpetrator a lesson. An eye for an eye. And this new found ‘freedom’ of his also felt oh-so-good. And indeed, do I not know this all-too-familiar feeling also? What can seem like ‘freedom’ at first only ends up enslaving me further.

And so we begin to almost see an almost schizophrenic Spider-Man, as he becomes increasingly torn between this new-found ‘freedom’ and desire to do whatever he feels like doing on the one hand, and the old self-restraining self on the other hand. And as he gave in to his darker side more and more, he found it increasingly impossible to be free of his darker side even when he wanted to be free of it. Isn’t this struggle of Spider-Man’s akin to the struggle described by Paul in Romans 7? “I do not understand what I do,” Paul wrote, “For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” (Romans 7:15)

As the ‘Spider-Man 3’ story unfolds, we see themes of love, pride, vengeance, friendship all played out alongside themes of confession, repentance, forgiveness and ultimately redemption. Are these not also the stories found throughout the Gospel? Are these not the traits of humanity? I would say so.

According to the director Sam Raimi, “Peter considers himself a sinless person compared to these villains. We felt it would be great for him to learn a less black-and-white view of life – that's he's not above these people, that he's not just the hero, that they're not just the villains, but we're all human beings. He had to learn that he himself might have some sin within him, and that other human beings – the ones he calls the criminals – have humanity within them. And that the best we can do in this world is to not strive for vengeance, but for forgiveness.”

In one of the scenes towards the end, someone dies in order that their friend might live. To me, it was nothing short of an embodiment of Christ’s statement in John 15:13 about giving up one’s life (or perhaps one’s desires for someone or something, or whatever that is dearest to you) for one’s friends. No greater love indeed. Death comes to all. But love, forgiveness and redemption ultimately triumphs.

And like the lesson Spider-Man learns, we ultimately all have a choice – how we choose to live our lives, what we choose to sacrifice, who we choose to give our allegiance to and how we choose to respond to the circumstances we may find ourselves in – even when we are hurting and in less-than-ideal circumstances through no fault of our own.

“Whatever comes our way, whatever battle we have raging inside us, we always have a choice… It's the choices that make us who we are, and we can always choose to do what's right.” Spider-Man.

To read an earlier blog entry titled ‘Spider-Man and Jesus’, click on the title.

Holding the Man

2007-05-13T16:31:00.000+10:00

I was two months short of turning 17 when I read ‘Holding the Man’ back in the winter of 1995. In some ways, ‘Holding the Man’ would prove to have a far more reaching impact in my outlook on life than I ever wanted to admit – until yesterday.

Close friends would know that I used to candidly joke and openly admit that I couldn’t envisage life beyond age 35 and that I wouldn’t have any grudges if God was willing to take me home by then. People used to ask me, “Why 35?” and I could never quite pinpoint the reason.

Morbid as it may have sounded, death at a young age to me was actually a beacon of light, since it meant the beginning of eternal life and the cessation of the lingering pain that I never seem to be able to shake off. We are all cursed creatures because of sin – except some of us feel the effects of brokenness more acutely than others. I was secure in God the Father’s love for me and the hope of resurrection and eternal life and so I had no fear of death.

I caught a bus up to Sydney on Friday to see the theatrical adaptation of ‘Holding the Man’ at the Sydney Opera House. I saw the play yesterday with a Canadian friend of mine who was in Sydney for a conference on microbicides, particularly in the area of HIV/AIDS. As I sat inside the Playhouse theatre waiting for the first act to commence, it came back to me – why 35.

Set in Melbourne and Sydney, ‘Holding the Man’ is a brutally honest yet funny autobiographical account by Tim Conigrave of his 15-year relationship with a fellow Xavier College schoolmate – John Caleo – a relationship that weathered disapproval, separation, temptation, unfaithfulness and, ultimately, an untimely death from AIDS for both men. John died in 1992 at Fairfield Hospital while Conigrave died a month before his 35th birthday in 1994, shortly after completing the book – believed by some to be a posthumous gift to John partly as his way of saying sorry and also to say thank you.

In adapting the book into a theatrical production, the playwright and director wanted to explore the question of why we hurt the people we love most and how to answer that question. Tim hurt John many times during their 15 years together through his infidelity and John absorbed that pain. I couldn’t but help think of another great spiritual parallel in my own life – that of my own unfaithfulness to God, of hurting Him so many times and His ability to continually absorb that pain and still love me unconditionally in spite of it all.

I became aware of my sexual preferences in the early to mid 1990s, and I caught the tail end of the whole AIDS awareness campaign and the AIDS epidemic of the 1980s. Around that time, there was also a proliferation in the number of films and books dealing with HIV/AIDS that were being released or published. Most notably was Norman Rene’s 1990 Longtime Companion, one of the first major films to deal with AIDS. I still remember secretly taping it on VHS video one night and hoping that no-one at home would turn on the TV and find out what I’d been recording. And then following that a few years later, of course, was Jonathan Demme’s 1993 Philadelphia.

Scenes from Longtime Companion

It was a depressing period growing up for me – while my peers got into their football and soccer and planning their future, I wondered at age 16 whether I too would end up dying of AIDS one day. When I finished reading 'Holding the Man' 12 years ago, the fact that he died only one month short of his 35th birthday impacted me profoundly.

After Caleo died, Conigrave had a dream or vision in which an angel asked him what he had learned from John. Tim answered, “The value of unconditional love.” In the book’s concluding paragraph, Conigrave wrote, “I guess the hardest thing is having so much love for you and it somehow not being returned. I develop crushes all the time but that is just misdirected need for you. You are a hole in my life, a black hole. Anything I place there cannot be returned. I miss you terribly. Ci vedremo lassu, angelo.” The last scene of Caleo dying was intensely moving and it's a story that will speak across generations, sexual preference and culture.

As I sat on the Greyhound bus back to Canberra last night, with the stars shining out there in the black sky, I was silently grateful for having God in my life. Someone once told me, “At the end of the day no matter what happens, we still have Christ.” The only question I find myself asking now is “But is that enough?”

Still, regardless of what happens, I know His unconditional love for me will never cease. I would want to take care not to hurt Him too much - feeble as my attempts will be. And I get a glimpse of God saying to me almost exactly what Conigrave wrote about Caleo, “I guess the hardest thing is having so much love for you and it somehow not being returned.”

I highly recommend 'Holding the Man', be it the book or stageplay. It is anticipated that the play will be staged in San Francisco in September 2007, Auckland in February 2008 and possibly (fingers crossed) other mainland Australian cities in 2008.

Sydney Opera House presents a Griffin Theatre Company Production: 9 - 26 May 2007

If I Find My Own Way...

2007-05-13T14:54:00.001+10:00

Two songs that I identify strongly with at the moment...
Click on the title to view YouTube music clip or on the clip itself

'Relax, Take It Easy' by Mika

Took a ride to the end of the line
Where no one ever goes
Ended up on a broken train with nobody I know
But the pain and the longing's the same
Where the dying
Now I’m lost and I’m screaming for help

Chorus
Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you

It’s as if I’m scared
It’s as if I’m terrified
It’s as if I scared
It’s as if I’m playing with fire
Scared
It’s as if I’m terrified
Are you scared?
Are we playing with fire?

Relax
There is an answer to the darkest times
It’s clear we don’t understand
But the last thing on my mind is to leave you
I believe that we’re in this together
Don’t scream – there are so many roads left

‘In the Sun’ by Joseph Arthur
(Performed by Michael Stipe & Coldplay)

I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you've seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

May God’s love be with you
Always
May God’s love be with you

I know I would apologise if I could see your eyes
'Cause when you showed me myself I became someone else
But I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need
I picture you fast asleep
A nightmare comes
You can’t keep awake

May God’s love be with you
Always
May God’s love be with you

‘Cause if I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find
If I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find
You

I don’t know anymore
What it’s for
I’m not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understand
‘Cause I been caught in between all you wish for and all you need
Maybe you’re not even sure what it’s for
Any more than me

Dislocation

2007-02-20T20:55:00.000+11:00

It dawned on me the other day how Christ was fully capable of empathising with anyone going through the thoughts and emotions emanating from a physical relocation (and indeed any form of dislocation) in life. Not because He is God and therefore presumably is all knowing but rather because of his own experience of having previously gone through all that which we humans experience – including that of being dislocated.

I recently relocated from Melbourne to Canberra. I went from living in a large city to a small city. From a garden city to a dry bush capital. From familiarity to unfamiliarity. From being surrounded by friends, family and deep connections to being surrounded by strangers and superficial connections. From being appreciated to being unappreciated. From being known by someone to being unknown by everyone. Dislocation.

Perhaps your sense of dislocation is of a different nature. Perhaps it’s a dislocation from being in a relationship to being out of one. Or perhaps it’s the dislocation of being out of work, or on the flip slide of the coin - being totally disconnected from your work despite having a job. And perhaps you may feel you’re somehow just permanently stuck on ‘dislocation’ mode, without a sense of connection, purpose or meaning to the point of your current ‘location’.

Jesus himself left the familiarity of heaven and all that he knew in order to come to earth. He relocated. He had to endure unfamiliarity, leaving behind what was familiar to him. He was born into the unfamiliarity of human life with bodily functions and obscurity as a carpenter. Dislocation. A big dislocation. And one that eventually led him to endure crucifixion, death and separation from God the Father, the most unfamiliar form of ‘dislocation’ one could ever imagine Jesus, God Incarnate, to be in.

And so as I stood there in my bedroom, looking at my new and strange surroundings and feeling the overwhelming sense of dislocation setting in, I felt a gentle breeze blow across my face and I hear a whisper within my heart. “I am with you in your dislocation. You are not alone.” And for a very quick moment, I find myself ‘relocated’ alongside with Christ and his experience(s) of dislocation during his time on earth. And I feel a sense of strange peace envelope me even in the midst of painful dislocation, aloneness and unfamiliarity. Father, your mercies are indeed new every morning.

Come Live With Me

2007-01-17T02:30:00.000+11:00

The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made.
The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.
The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear him
He hears their cry and saves them.
He upholds the cause of the oppressed, and gives food to the hungry.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name.
The Lord delights in those who put their hope in his unfailing love.
Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit.
Praise the Lord.

(From the book of Psalms chapters 145-147)

There is an online network of same-sex attracted Christians called the Gay Christian Network. Founded by an American guy called Justin Lee, I visit its message boards from time to time to check out the discussions, questions, debates (among other light-hearted stuff) posted on the website. The network caters to Christians from both ends of the Christian theological spectrum (and those in the middle or uncertain) on the issue of homosexuality.

I first stumbled across Justin Lee when I read a couple of his articles posted on the Internet about being Christian and gay in the late 1990s. This was before GCN came into existence. Justin envisaged and started the GCN network a few years later and it’s amazing how God has used the GCN network to touch the lives of so many people since then, including me. From a humble beginning, this online network for connecting same-sex Christians in the USA would eventually become a global network.

Last month, I saw a prayer request that had been posted on its boards on behalf of a guy living in Italy called Andrew. I’d only ever chatted once with Andrew in the chatroom. The prayer request was for Alfonso, a friend of Andrew's, who had recently joined GCN. Alfonso had been admitted to hospital. Not long after that prayer request was first posted, news trickled through that Alfonso had passed away.

At the GCN Conference in Seattle earlier this month, Ron Belgau, shared with the attendees the story behind Alfonso and the power of Christ quietly at work through his people in all situations, good and bad, in the lives of those who know him and even those who don’t. This is the story.

Excerpt taken from Ron Belgau’s keynote speech delivered at the GCN 2007 Conference in Seattle (4 – 7 January 2007)

In the last few months, we have seen a powerful example of Jesus Christ at work in the heart of our own GCN community.

Early this fall, Andrew, a GCN member who grew up in London but lives near Rome, received a call from a former coworker of his. Alfonso had recently been diagnosed with HIV, and was suicidal. He had no friends, no family, and no place to go.

Though Andrew and Alfonso had been coworkers, they had not been close. Nevertheless, Andrew said, “It doesn't matter what's happening, I'm here. Come. Live with me.”

Alfonso came.

At the airport, Andrew was shocked by what he saw. Alfonso had once been full of life, witty, talented. Now he was a wreck. His Armani suit hung on him like sack cloth. Andrew even thought of turning round and pretending he hadn’t seen Alfonso.

But he took him home, and introduced him to GCN. Alfonso had no connection with Christianity, had not even grown up with it. But he came here [to GCN], he began to get to know people.

Weeks passed, full of visits to the doctor, of tests in the hospital, and struggles to find the right medications. It was also a time of spiritual frustration. At one point, Andrew became discouraged, wondering if Alfonso would ever grow to understand God’s love.

Then, in late November, Alfonso announced on the boards, “I start pray and is true is make me feel better is first time I do this, but is help me.” His first prayer was very simple: “God, it’s me... Alfonso.”

A few days later, he posted pictures on GCN of some candles in a Church. “I was never light candel in church before,” he wrote, “so was first time. I was light 2 - one for Alma because she was light one for me in London and one for my friends on GCN. I was put card next to candel so God he no who was for.

While he was in the Church to pray, he met Giovanna, an 87-year-old Italian woman who prayed for him, and became his friend.

He also found Christian books in Italian, including Henri Nouwen’s 'Meditazione sul ritorno del figlio prodigo' - 'The Return of the Prodigal Son'.

Over the next few weeks, Alfonso became more and more involved in GCN. “I is investigate God,” he said.

He and Andrew booked reservations to come to London for the European version of the GCN conference.

Then, On December 17, Alma posted a prayer request. Alfonso was having chest pains, and Andrew had called an ambulance to take him to the hospital. On the way to the hospital, Alfonso suffered a massive heart attack.

During the night, Alfonso asked the hospital chaplain to baptize him. He was baptized, received the Eucharist, and last rites. At 5:30 in the morning, with Andrew and the Chaplain by his side, he died. He was 53 years old.

At the funeral, his new friend Giovanna sat in the front row with Andrew. Partway through the funeral, she turned to Andrew and said, “You know that’s not him in the box, he’s with God. Makes you proud to have known him, doesn’t it?”

In his sermon, 'The Weight of Glory', C. S. Lewis reminded his audience that, “It may be possible for each to think too much of his own potential glory hereafter; it is hardly possible for him to think too often or too deeply about that of his neighbor. The load, or weight, or burden of my neighbor's glory should be laid daily on my back, a load so heavy that only humility can carry it, and the backs of the proud will be broken.

“It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare.

“All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics.

“There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilization—these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit—immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.”

Alfonso was not a political issue. He was a person, poised on the brink of eternity.

Without Andrew’s willingness to take him in, and the friendships he formed on GCN, he would have plunged into eternity in despair, without faith in Christ.

I believe that God brought Alfonso to our community, and in the final weeks of his life he found the rest in his Creator that had been missing from all the restless years that had gone before.

Felice Epifania, Alfonso. Today you see more clearly than we do.

(Excerpt from Ron Belgau's speech at the GCN 2007 Conference.
For the transcript of his full speech, click here)

This is the Way of Love

2007-01-17T01:00:00.000+11:00

'Two Men with Umbrella', Photographer Unknown, c. 1890

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy

But don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate

If I speak God's word with power
Revealing all his mysteries

And making everything plain as day

And if I have faith that says to a mountain,

"Jump" and it jumps

But I don't love, I'm nothing.

If I give everything I own to the poor

And even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr

But I don't love, I've gotten nowhere

So, no matter what I say

What I believe and what I do

I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up

Love cares more for others than for self

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have

Love doesn't strut

Doesn't have a swelled head

Doesn't force itself on others

Isn't always "me first"

Doesn't fly off the handle

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others

Doesn't revel when others grovel

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth

Puts up with anything

Trusts God always

Always looks for the best

Never looks back

But keeps going to the end.

We only see a portion of the truth

And what we say about God is always incomplete

But when the Complete arrives, our incompleteness will be cancelled.

We don't see things clearly

We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist

But it won't be long before the weather clears

And the sun shines bright!

We'll see it all then

See it all as clearly as God sees us

Knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness

We have three things to do

To lead us toward that consummation:

Trust steadily in God

Hope unswervingly

Love extravagantly

And the best of the three is love.

(From 'The Message' 1 Corinthians 13)

New Body Weight

2007-01-16T23:24:00.000+11:00

Many people often start the new year with resolutions. Personally, I’m never really been into new year’s resolutions. Goals and hopes, dreams and desires, yes, perhaps. Resolutions, no. Nevertheless, having said that, I somehow ended up with a frivolous new year’s resolution on NYE recently when I went away to central Gippsland with a few good friends. And so, here it is. My 2007 new year’s resolution is to try and put on more weight by whatever means possible.

I say 'try' because having been blessed with such a high metabolism rate, any protein intake simply gets sucked away instantly into the metabolic dark hole. Yes, according to the charts, I am now at the bottom end of the normal weight range for the average man of my height (or in other words, on the borderline of being underweight). I attribute it all to drinking too much water and consuming far too little or no soft drinks whatsoever and not having a bloody single sweet tooth. Not that I'm about to change all that! My dentist tells me my teeth couldn’t be better and my GP tells me it’s better to be underweight than overweight - which I fully agree with him - and that I shouldn’t worry too much so long as my weight remains stable (which it has for the last 10 years) and doesn't drop any further.

Well, after being asked the umpteenth time yet again by relatives or friends, “Have you lost weight?”, I am now endeavouring to try and put on some weight. One way is to increase my protein intake level among other things. So all you chickens, fish, cows and pigs, here I come! My weight is currently 56kg – so one year from today, I’ll let you know how I’ve fared.

Onto a more serious note, though, the start of the year can be an important time for many people. People make new plans or set new goals and resolutions. For me, it’s the start of a new career in a new city with totally new friends and colleagues and in a field related to my heart’s desires, something God has faithfully honoured. Yes, siree, I am about to move to Canberra and go into the government public service, albeit with a deep quiet hope for the future. I am looking forward to all the people that His truly will put in my path– for me to learn from, to have my patience tested by, to encourage or to challenge or to have my heart broken by.

On that note, I’d like to share a prayer by Leunig and also to reiterate the Micah Call which I’ve reparaphrased slightly – a 'calling' I intend to bring with me to Canberra and beyond.

Prayer by Leunig
(From ‘A Common Prayer: A Cartoonist Talks to God’ Michael Leunig, 1990)

God, help us to change.
To change ourselves and to change our world.
To know the need for it.
To deal with the pain of it.
To feel the joy of it.
To undertake the journey
Without understanding the destination.

The art of gentle revolution.
Amen.

The Micah Call (Reparaphrased)

We commit ourselves,

as followers of Jesus
To work together for the holistic transformation of our communities
To pursue justice,

be passionate about kindness
And to walk humbly with God

We call on fellow followers of Jesus everywhere
To be agents of hope for and with the poor
And to work with others
To hold our national and global leaders accountable
In securing a more just and merciful world.

525,600 Minutes

2006-08-28T00:00:00.000+10:00

And so, little me turns 28 today, on the 28th. I like 28. It rolls off my tongue. Say it with me – “Twenty-eight”. And again – “Twenty-eight”. As I reflect on another year gone by, I realise that perhaps these two songs best sum up my thoughts on the past year and on turning 28.

Indeed, how do you measure a year? How does one measure 525,600 minutes? What have I done or achieved with my 525,600 minutes? It’s true that I’ve learned a little, cried a little, burned a few bridges (by accident) and also died a little. Click here for the lyrics.

In reflecting on how I’ve spent my 525,600 minutes, this next song says it all. I am like each of the persons in the clip. (Warning - Contains graphic scenes that may be disturbing for some viewers)

‘Grace Like Rain’ – By Todd Agnew

I am Judas who accepted the silver coins
and who betrayed Jesus with a kiss.
I am the woman caught in adultery, saved by Jesus from being stoned.
I am the High Priest who questioned what Jesus taught
and who he claimed to be.
And I am Peter who denied Jesus three times before the crowd.

I am Pontius Pilate who washed his hands off Jesus
and wanted nothing more to do with him.
I am the Roman soldier who whipped Jesus.
I am Simon of Cyrene, who carried the cross reluctantly for Jesus.
Yet, even so, Jesus, my lover, resurrects from death to offer me mercy,
grace and hope in spite of all the pain I’ve caused him.

Eden's Hope

2006-08-13T19:36:00.001+10:00

I was at a friend’s 30th birthday lunch yesterday down in Red Hill. She had about 20 guests and at one point, she was so happy that she exclaimed, “This is even better than my wedding day!” (She’s single and has never been married) I broke into a wide smile and chuckled with her. I thought that was a wicked line and was thoroughly joyous for her.

Lunch finished at about 4:30pm. By the time I got home, it was just after 6pm. Melbourne’s winter darkness had already set in by then and I crawled into my bed, exhausted and feeling a wave of despondency and pain creeping up. I fell into a semi-conscious state of rest whilst reciting Psalms 23.

A thousand and one calculations

I had been nursing a two-week-old wound – the wound of having to part ways with someone I really connected with whilst interstate recently. Friends are important. More to the point, meaningful relationships are important. No man is an island and you often discover bits about yourself that you hadn’t been aware of from interacting with another person. We were made for relationships. We were made for communion with one another. But we are also fallen beings.

Our minister got us to look at Genesis 1-3 today. The pain of being fallen and broken could not be more obvious. Before the Fall, man and woman were both naked before each other and yet felt no shame (Gen 2:25). After the Fall, however, the eyes of Adam and Eve were opened and both of them clamoured to find something to cover themselves up with.

Gone was the feeling of being safe with one another, of not needing to be ashamed. Gone was the ability to be truthful and genuine with one another. After the Fall, we no longer feel safe. We feel a sense of vulnerability. We hurt others and others hurt us. We wonder what others think of us and whether they like us or accept us. We are susceptible to playing mind games with one another and we cover ourselves up in an attempt to protect ourselves fromgetting hurt. The sense of vulnerability is in all of us. And we long for Eden again.

Such was the state I have been in for the past two weeks. Vulnerable and somewhat confused. Wondering what I should do with the connection I’d so strongly felt with another human being – with another guy. Me doing a thousand and one calculations in my head yet again, questioning my motives, weighing my heart, fearful of being a stumbling block to the person in deepening his relationship with Christ, yet painfully aware of the tuggings of my own heart towards him.

All That You Can't Leave Behind

Indeed – how I terribly long for Eden again. How I long for a time when we could all relate to each other perfectly without fear and without ulterior motives, and where I could feel safe with every person out there, all of whom carry the image of God in them. How I long to be able to love all the men (and women) in my life without fear and with the utmost purity. How I long for the place where the streets have no name. And U2 has been a deep source of spiritual comfort in the past two weeks.

Going back to my friend’s birthday celebration, friends can help point us back to God – the originator of relationships. Our earthly friendships can mirror the love of God the Creator has for us his creation.

St Augustine once said, “Friendship is an image of God's love for us since authentic and generous friendship mirrors the love that Christ showed for us on the cross.” Christ himself said, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13)"It is a love that does not look for anything in return for the love given, and finds happiness in promoting the interests and happiness of the other. Such a love warms the heart, thrills the mind, and urges the friend to give everything for the other – just as Christ does for us – and leads to happiness in this world while pointing to God, who, Himself, is Love."

What also gives me comfort, however, is also the knowledge that all is not lost. The story in Genesis does not end with mankind being left to their own devices. While the man and woman sewed pathetic fig leaves together to make coverings for themselves, God provided more endurable garments made of animal skin and clothed them instead. Right from the beginning of history, God is already actively involved in the redemption process.

The story in Genesis 1-3 is essentially a preface to a book about relationships, about redemption and about a new Garden of Eden that will be restored one day. It is also about the choices that we make in relation to God, who has not left us to our own devices in spite of our brokenness.

Friends - 'A Home at the End of the World'

And so, upon unburdening oneself on a couple of fellow pilgrims today, the realisation that all was not necessarily lost between that person (I connected with whilst interstate) and my humble self has greatly consoled me. That I could choose to steer the friendship towards Christ instead of forgetting him.

As Dreadnought pointed out, our feelings are but just that – feelings. The Church and, indeed God, does not condemn or shame us for our feelings, especially when they are feelings of having connected with another person made in the image of God. Rather, to quote Dreadnought, “what a man does is more important than what he happens to sometimes feel.” And indeed, in the same way, what we do in response to God’s tugging in our lives is more important than what we feel/think about Him.

Happiness is...?

2006-07-16T09:47:00.000+10:00

My sister, who is visiting Melbourne from the Solomon Islands, said something profound to me the other night. I was watching the news on the telly when she commented casually, “I wish the world was simpler. That it’s not so complicated.” And, no, that wasn’t the profound thing she said. That came later.

She went on to comment that she gets the feeling that people living in less developed countries don’t expect or demand as much and are generally more content with their lot than those living in First World countries like Australia. Having spent the last 7, 8 years in between PNG and more recently the Solomon Islands, she tells me that every time she comes back to Australia, she feels overwhelmed by the vast array of choices available to consumers here.

Coincidentally enough, an article appeared in the newspaper yesterday about a study which ranked Vanuatu as the happiest place on earth. This study, compiled by the New Economics Foundation, used three indicators to measure a country’s level of happiness: life expectancy, human wellbeing and the country’s energy consumption levels – or in ‘green’ speak, the damage done by a country's environmental ‘footprint’. (Source: BBC News, ‘The Age’ newspaper)

Vanuatu came first apparently because its people are satisfied with what they have, live relatively long lives and the country consumes little of earth’s resources in relation to its population size. Not surprisingly, its northern neighbour the Solomon Islands also fared quite well, coming in at number 20, despite the civil conflicts of the recent years. (Source: ‘Solomon Star’ newspaper)

Australia, on the other hand, came in at 139th (out of 178) on this index, with New Zealand beating us at 94th. In fact, none of the world’s wealthiest Western countries made it within the top 50. While Australia probably scored highly on life expectancy, my guess is that its environmental ‘footprint’ is probably what dragged its score down, given the amount of resources that our small population consumes each year. This brings to my mind the Victorian Government’s recent television advertisement campaign to urge Victorians to help save energy, which shows 50 grams of greenhouse gas emissions emanating from our household electrical goods and appliances in the form of black balloons. It’s an ad that is worth checking out. Click here to go to the Victorian Government's sustainability website. Click the balloon above or here to watch the 45-second TV commercial.

This also brings to my mind the 82-minute documentary-film ‘Lost Boys of Sudan’ that tracks the journey of two Sudanese male refugees from their refugee camp in Africa to America. In the documentary, we come to see how happiness isn’t necessarily correlated to living in a materially well-off country as the Sudanese young men struggle to adapt to the time-poor, money-oriented and highly individualistic culture of the West. Many of these other ‘Lost Boys’ also struggle to come to terms with the pros and cons of living in a First World country. America, as it now seems, isn't quite the heaven on earth that they thought it would be.

The documentary takes the viewer through the various experiences which the two young men go through from the moment they are first offered a refugee place in America, to them arriving in America and then having to face the challenges of adjusting to a new life and unfamiliar culture. Insightful but also funny at times, it’s well worth watching.

If ‘Letters to Ali’ (an Australian documentary about a young Afghan asylum seeker seeking asylum in Australia being detained in Australian detention camps) is an indictment of Australia’s tough asylum seeker immigration policy, ‘Lost Boys of Sudan’ highlights the challenges and dilemmas facing refugee settlers when offered the chance to resettle in a new country.

Provocations

2006-06-25T23:43:00.000+10:00

Soren Kierkegaard 1813-1855

In its plug for the book Provocations, Plough Publishing House writes, "There are few authors as repeatedly quoted and consistently unread as Soren Kierkegaard. Kierkegaard himself is partly to blame for this: his style is dense, his thoughts complex. And yet embedded within his writings and journals are metaphors and truths so deep and vivid, they can overwhelm you with an almost blinding clarity."

No wonder it took me just a little over three years to finish reading this book. I spent many nights sitting in bed reading a few pages each time and pondering about some of the stuff he wrote. It is a heavy book but well worth it if you are after some meaty stuff.

Kierkegaard’s writings certainly helped me through an extremely testing period of my life three years ago when a discerning friend in his wisdom told me Kierkegaard was exactly who I needed. And I said, “Who? What?” Kierkegaard himself is also quite an interesting character, never mind that his life seemed pretty depressing too. But that is where the paradox lies, I think. If it were not for the adversity and suffering that Kierkegaard himself went through, perhaps he might never have written the stuff he’s written, let alone come to be credited as the father of modern day existentialism.

On suffering, Kierkegaard once penned this prayer below, which not only moved me but also edified me. It’s so typical of Kierkegaard’s writings to be infused with not only passion and conviction, but also with clarity and wisdom.

“Oh, Lord, not only do you know our sorrow better than do we ourselves, but you feel it too. You understand the burden, the heavy grief that we bear. Make us humble, therefore, so that in our rebellion against life’s injustices, we do not turn for comfort to those who are like wandering stars, or to those who are like the raging waves of the sea foaming out their own shame. You are our refuge and our strength and there is none other.”

And more recently, on living far too comfortably in my own security and comfort zone, Kierkegaard also delivered a sobering challenge to me.

“Preserve me, Lord, from the deceit of thinking that by being prudent and looking after my own interests I am necessarily using my talents right. He who takes risks for your sake may appear to lose, but he is accepted by you. He who risks nothing appears to gain by his prudence, but he is rejected by you. But let me not think that by avoiding risk I am better than the other. Grant me to see that this is an illusion, and save me from such a snare.”

An electronic version of the book can be downloaded at the Plough Publishing House’s website here. It is 448 pages long and is about 1,452kb in size. I also highly recommend Introducing Kierkegaard, which introduces virgin Kierkegaard readers to his life and main idea, in the form of a comic picture book.

Waku, Women and Solomons

2006-04-24T02:32:00.001+10:00

Tim, a friend of mine, sent me an email a earlier this week, expressing his concern and well wishes for my family, who has business interests in the Solomon Islands, because of the rioting, looting and burning of mainly ethnic Chinese or Asian-owned businesses and property in Honiara this week. He was exasperated and wondered if there was any end to these senseless acts of violence in our world. Read the BBC report on the rioting in Honiara.

When I saw his email, I thought to myself, “No, this isn’t really all that ‘senseless’ if you can understand the situation and context behind all this.” There are reasons, albeit unsatisfactory ones, and multiple overlapping reasons at that – all of which involve a complex interplay of systemic government corruption, disenfranchisement among many people, unemployment, hopelessness, disempowerment, poverty, cultural differences, jealousy and greed among others.

But now that the dust has settled a bit, and as I see the wanton destruction left behind and listen to the quivering voice of the Solomon Islander woman (among countless others) on the news tonight wondering how she’s gonna feed her family now that she’s lost her job at the burnt down Pacific Casino Hotel, I find myself reluctantly agreeing with my friend. Yes, regardless of what explanations have been provided by the experts and analysts – and many have been given (see below links to some articles) – at the end of the day, it all has indeed been quite senseless, really.

I spent my last meal in the Solomon Islands at the Ocean View Restaurant at the Pacific Casino Hotel, and later walked along the swimming pool with my sister in the cool evening breeze before my flight back to Australia. I remember seeing the professional-looking waiting staff and the numerous local Solomon Islanders employed in the hotel service industry and remember feeling extremely hopeful for the Solomon Islands, realising that each job that had been created by the investment that has been poured into the country in recent years will help feed a few extra people and perhaps allow a few extra kids to stay at school longer.

To later see it burning on Wednesday night was tremendously sad for me – even though I have no connection whatsoever to the hotel, other than having spent my last meal in the Solomons there and remembering how optimistic I’d felt on behalf of and for the Solomon Islands then. But it was the hopes that I had for the country that were being burned to the ground.

The Pacific Casino Hotel alone, along with its Western restaurant, Chinese restaurant, nightclub and casino – owned by Patrick Leong, a naturalised Solomon Islander Chinese – employed up to about 600 local Solomon Islanders. I cannot even begin to fathom the flow-on repercussions this rioting will have on the country’s economy, now that a substantial size of Honiara’s government business tax revenue has been wiped out, along with most likely a thousand or so jobs .

It needs to be noted that the majority of the rioters and fire starters were unemployed young men, and a sizeable number of whom were under the influence of alcohol as opportunistic looting took hold in the chaos that ensued from the confrontation between RAMSI police and protesters outside the Parliament. These men had nothing to lose any way. But suffer the women and their children. It is the women who are ones who have gone looking for jobs and found work behind the counters of Chinese-owned shops, or in the service industry such as the Pacific Casino Hotel and who then bring food home to feed their children and send them to school.

Like the previous ethnic conflict, it was also the women and children who bore the brunt of the repercussions of the violence enacted by the men. During the ‘ethnic’ conflict beginning in the late 1990s and the subsequent government coup by Malaitan Eagle Force (MEF) militants and members of the police force in June 2000, up to 20,000 people were displaced and the entire country’s economy came to a standstill. The Solomon Islands economy contracted by about 14.3% in 2000, 9% in 2001 and a further 2.4% in 2002. (Source: DFAT) I can only wonder how much will the economy contract this time round.

Suffer the women and children. And suffer the local ‘waku’ (pijin for Chinese/Asian) of Chinatown - many who are second or third generation Solomons or who have become naturalised Solomon citizens - with them becoming scapegoats for the actions of a few (if the bribery and vote-buying allegations by some prominent Asian businessmen is true). This is not even considering the influence and financing of the Solomons government by one particular country – whose influence, for better or for worse, is without a doubt visibly evident in the Solomon Islands.

And though I still hold hopes for Solomon Islands and want to see it get back on its feet quickly, I fear its recovery won’t be as quick this time round. This latest blow to the Solomon Islands is akin to someone who has just gone and broken their hip before either of their broken legs have even fully healed. If any good thing can come out of this, I only hope it will have truly shaken the Solomon Islands government and its politicians into some sense and realise that they really must work to put an end to (or realistically speaking, at least reduce the level of) corruption in the country and ensure a more equitable distribution of wealth or risk squandering the future of their people away for good.

Suggested Reading
'Melanesia is a huge disaster' by Greg Sheridan
Foreign Editor at 'The Australian' 20/4/2006 p12

'Mission a moral hazard' by Susan Windybank
Researcher at Centre for Independent Studies, Sydney

Gay Catholic Bloggers

2006-04-16T21:18:00.000+10:00

To those of you who follow and read blogs that cover both gay and Christian issues (among other topics), may I recommend John Heard aka DREADNOUGHT - Australia’s very own answer to American bloggers Andrew Sullivan (who now blogs with 'Time', author of 'Virtually Normal: An Argument About Homosexuality' and 'Love Undetectable: Notes on Friendship, Sex and Survival') and David Morrison (author of 'Beyond Gay' and founder of Courage Online, an online support network for same-sex attracted men and women wishing to live chaste lives).

I had the good fortune of discovering DREADNOUGHT through another friend Ron Belgau whose very own website is also worth a visit. Several articles mentioning John Heard or about his opinions have also appeared in ‘The Age’ in recent times and he has also featured on John Safran’s show ‘Speaking in Tongues’ with Father Bob Maguire on SBS earlier this year. Click here to go to the SBS ‘Speaking in Tongues’ website.

One of John Heard’s most recent commissioned article was on gay marriage and it has appeared in this month’s ‘DNA’ magazine, in which he articulately argues against gay marriage without bible-bashing the reader – something not easily achieved by many Christians.

Apart from being authentic and raw, DREADNOUGHT also has some excellent writing in it. A recent Palm Sunday entry by DREADNOUGHT moved me and here’s a snippet of it to whet your appetite for more of his stuff.

On 8 April 2006, DREADNOUGHT writes:

“Same sex attracted men know better than most the longing that hides and sometimes overwhelms the human heart. All men are born to bond, to seek out someone who will reflect, however imperfectly, something of what is precious about us. Our secret joys - the song that says that, then and never anything else again - are collected about our person. We touch these things gently, feel deeply about them and offer them up to the hard world. Those of us with any hope left try not to trample ourselves, and we try to avoid being trampled by others. We try, despite the inexorable assault of crap, to maintain the spark in the expectation that someone, somewhere will flare back at us.

When Christ entered Jerusalem, the formerly indifferent caught fire. They burned with love for a new Man. They celebrated the rumoured heretic, the One Who said such wild things. They threw down their finest for the Nazarene to walk on, even though He spent time with outcasts, whores, lepers, tax men and foreigners.

It must have been an incredible sight, and Catholics repeat the scene every year on Palm Sunday. It is one of the most sublime liturgies ever devised by man.A week later the cheering crowds turned. They beat Christ until He cried blood. They hammered Him onto a tree and screamed obscenities. Even when He made manifest His love, even when He reached out to those who pierced Him, they rejected Him in the most extreme manner.

Any man who has been dumped, rejected, overlooked by an object of affection, any woman who has been ignored or shunned, must see in his or her sorrow the magnificent suffering of Christ crucified.

Somewhere though, in all the pain and fear, all the heart-hurt and startled tears, the Lord rises. Christ vindicated death, He bore down on evil and triumphed for, and as, the Light. In the deepest pit of despair, even after the Jews and Romans tore Christ, the best parts of Him were resurrected. How can we fail to hold Him before our eyes, tears swept and hearts prepared for joy: even if it feels like a mockery now?”

Fishers of Men

2006-04-13T14:14:00.000+10:00

There is beauty in the priesthood. And the Catholic priesthood has become increasingly attractive to me in recent years. Who would have thought that a fervent anti-Catholic teenager like me would one day grow up to become deeply sympathetic towards Catholicism and view the priesthood and anyone who answers the call to priesthood with great respect.

During my solo traversings across various cities and countries in recent years, popping into a Catholic cathedral or a church in whichever city, town or village I’m in has almost become part and parcel of the itinerary.

Perhaps it’s for a bit of connection and solidarity whilst being on the road. There is something indescribable about that feeling of connection with a fellow pilgrim – when your body is weary and your soul could do with a bit of connection to another human being whom you know “has also been there” – whatever we imagine those crosses to be, I guess.

I remember being deeply moved when this Dominican brother in a far-flung Western province of the Solomon Islands gave me some of his precious time and some much-needed words of encouragement before I left the tiny island he was on. I had stumbled across the Dominican Order which was located on this tiny island off Gizo by accident – or perhaps by divine appointment – when I loitered around the town’s humble Catholic cathedral and got talking to a local who happened to be heading back to the island.

I remember debating with myself whether it was worth going out of my way just to visit this mission (St Louis Mission) outside of Noumea, supposedly the site of the oldest Catholic church (built 1859) in New Caledonia, when there was no guarantee I would meet anyone, let alone be welcomed.

But I was deeply humbled when I did arrive at the mission after trekking down this dusty road off from the main road where the bus driver had kindly dropped me off. The mission looked deserted, but as with all Catholic churches, the church itself was always open for me to wander in. I eventually bumped into someone at the mission who went off to tell the Father in charge that someone had wandered into the mission. I wasn’t quite sure what I was say to him but instead found myself being welcomed earnestly by the Father there and was also impressed upon - as perplexing and difficult as it was for me to try and comprehend - the certainty of vocation felt by the Fijian priest and the Vanuatan priest-to-be I later also met at the mission.

When I went and saw ‘Eighteen’ at the Melbourne Queer Film Festival last month - a film about an 18-year-old street kid who befriends a gay hustler and a Catholic priest among other things - I had prepared myself for the possible negative portrayal of Catholic priests (and especially in a queer film) in light of the numerous child sexual scandals that have rocked the Catholic Church in the Western world. Instead, the filmmaker moved me with the portrayal of the Catholic priest as a man of integrity. When Father Chris finds himself confronted by a scantily covered Pip - the 18-year-old street kid whom he’d just invited to his place for a wash and some food to eat – Father Chris looks at him in the eye and warns him, “I do not like being tested” and then walks off promptly leaving Pip on his own, just like Joseph did to the Pharoah’s wife. It encouraged me to see that the priesthood or the priest was still being portrayed in such a light – and even in a queer film - at a time when many people are highly cynical of the priesthood.

Priests are individuals who have given their lives wholly to the service of God. And Pope Benedict XVI once said about being a priest, and about being fishers of men, “There is nothing more beautiful than to be surprised by the Gospel, by the encounter with Christ. There is nothing more beautiful than to know Him and to speak to others of our friendship with Him. The task of the shepherd, the task of the fisher of men, can often seem wearisome. But it is beautiful and wonderful,because it is truly a service to joy, to God’s joy which longs to break into the world.”

The US Conference of Catholic Bishops has recently released a short but powerful promotional film clip 'Fishers of Men' to attract men to the priesthood. And like another blogger DREADNOUGHT (John Heard), I too think it’s an absolute winner.

If the YouTube video clip above does not work, click here and then click on the 'Fishers of Men' trailer.

Viva West Papua?

2006-04-04T23:59:00.000+10:00

In the film ‘V for Vendetta’, the freedom fighter V urges his fellow countrymen to rise up against tyranny and oppression in a futuristic totalitarian Britain. V also reminds one of the lead characters in the film that, “People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people.”

In the case of the 43 Papuans who fled their province for Australia in January, “the people” certainly were afraid of their government. However, I have also been somewhat nonchalent over the recent granting of temporary protection visas (TPV) to the 42 Papuan refugees (decision is still pending for the 43rd member), who incidently arrived in Melbourne today – nearly a month and a half after they were intercepted off Cape York Peninsula in far northern Queensland on 18 January after journeying across the Torres Strait in a traditional outrigger canoe. (Read the article in 'The Age' today)

Australia, being a signatory to the 1951 Refugee Convention, is obligated under international law to provide asylum to refugees who have been found to have met the requirements of Article 1 of the Convention, which defines a refugee as “someone who has fled and is outside his country of nationality and cannot return home due to a well-founded fear of persecution arising from reasons of political opinon, race, religion, nationality or membership of a particular social group.”

I am nonchalent partly because I am caught in a bind myself. On the one hand, here we have individuals whose claims for refugee status have been found to be bona fide (even if they are only on TPVs) but on the other hand, I am still undecided as to the issue of West Papua and its independence movement.

Formerly called Irian Jaya up until 2002, Indonesia divided and renamed the province into West Irian Jaya, a smaller province consisting of the Bird's Head Peninsula and the surrounding islands in the far western part of the original Irian Jaya province and the remaining province bordering PNG as Papua in 2003. This split was largely opposed in Papuan as it was seen as an attempt to quell the separatist movement. The term ‘West Papua’ however, is generally preferred among Papuan nationalists who hope to cede from Indonesia and become an independent country.

Indonesia’s stability as whole certainly would be at stake here if it allowed a further breakup of its vast nation, especially only after East Timor’s successful secession in recent years. Faced with the Aceh separatist movement on the western flank of its archipelago and the Free West Papua movement on the east, Indonesia also has to keep a lid on its already existing precarious internal socio-economic, political and ethnic conflicts in its various provinces.

Australia’s Foreign Affairs White Paper also clearly stipulates that it is in Australia’s own fundamental national interest that Indonesia remains stable. The Australian Government, through Foreign Minister Alexander Downer, has also repeatedly reaffirmed its support of Indonesia’s current territorial integrity recently. That certainly puts the Australian Government in an awkard position in light of recent developments.

For now, the Australian Government will try and walk the middle ground, arguing that DIMA’s granting of refugee status to these 42 Papuans will not undermine Australia’s commitment to also preserving Indonesian territorial integrity, that they are two unrelated issues that can be handled separately. I am somehow not fully convinced.

After all, one of its own departments has granted refugee status to these Indonesian citizens, which sends a strong message of legitimacy to their claims of persecution to the rest of the West Papuan nationalists in Papua province, which in turn can only serve to bolster - not diminish - the legitimacy and struggle for West Papuan independence in the eyes of the world. It also remains to be seen whether DIMA's decision to grant TPVs to this first group of West Papuans will spur other West Papuan nationalists to attempt to also seek protection in Australia - not exactly a situation the Howard Government would want to encourage.

Although I feel that Irian Jaya or Papua (or Dutch New Guinea) should never have been annexed and ceded to Indonesia in the first place more than 40 years ago, what has happened has happened and the present reality is that the international community by and large does recognise Papua to be a integral sovereign part of Indonesia.

Australia certainly cannot afford another new state to emerge within its neighbourhood – well, maybe it can, but it is certainly not desirable, economically speaking in terms of the eventual assistance and financial aid it will have to provide – as it does now with East Timor and several of its other Pacific island neighbours including PNG and the Solomon Islands. Neither is it desirable for its own national security reasons and for the stability and security of the South East Asian region as a whole either. Australia simply cannot afford to allow Indonesia to fragment further.

And so where does this leave me? Do I support the freedom of a people group whose aspirations and hopes for their own nation have been allegedly squashed, suppressed and persecuted by the Indonesian government or do I support the status quo of preserving a broader stability in regional terms, which has a flow-on economic, financial and security impact on millions of people in this part of the world?

Will the independence push by West Papuans only lead to more bloodshed and destruction? It is one thing to watch people fight for freedom in movies, it is quite another in real life. Is the so-called ‘freedom’ and the freedom to govern oneself really that worth it? Could a compromise not be found between the Indonesian government and the Papuans – just as the Indonesian government appears to have begun doing in recent years – by moving towards granting greater autonomy and self-rule in Papua province?

And so, even though I am sympathetic to the West Papuans’ cause and concerned about the alleged brutality of the Indonesian military on political dissidents, I am undecided on the independence movement. For now, I am not convinced a sovereign West Papuan state of its own is necessarily the panacea. And Australia will have to tread carefully to ensure that whatever actions it takes now and in the near future in regards to Papua won’t come back to bite itself one day or it may find itself in an even more difficult situation than the one it found itself in over East Timor several years ago.

Spider-Man and Jesus

2006-02-19T23:22:00.000+11:00

Debra Hirsch, my former church minister, once asked me three important and wise questions. "Who are you? Where are you going? Who is going with you?" While the first two questions deals with the individual, the last question forces us to look beyond ourselves.

And nothing is more heartening when we bump into a fellow pilgrim, a fellow sojourner who also speaks the very same language of life that we understand and makes us want to exclaim,“What, you too?!” And the load on one’s back is instantaneously lightened, albeit temporarily, knowing full well that one is not alone on that same countercultural journey, that there are others out there who have also chosen the same path as you have and are discovering the same conclusions.

Trent, a 26-year-old fellow same-sex attracted Christian guy, is one such guy I recently came across on this online network for same-sex attracted Christians. On being same-sex attracted and choosing to remain single and celibate, Trent writes about the encouragement he drew from the film ‘Spider-Man’.

Trent writes 15/02/06 07:02 AM :

"The first 'Spider-Man' movie came to the Big Screen my first year in grad school. While everyone enjoyed the movie for its action, I found encouragement there. Not because it spoke Gospel truth, but because it illustrated it so well.

You remember the closing scene. Mary Jane (MJ) confesses to Peter Parker (Spider-Man) what he wanted to hear all his life: She loves him. However, they can only be friends. And though Peter Parker loves MJ, Spider-Man cannot. To have a relationship with MJ is to put her life in danger. He concludes, “This is my gift; this is my curse.”

Our circumstances are both a gift and curse. Curse, of course, because we cannot move one week to the next with pain. The pain is manifold: loneliness, alienation, watching youth slip away unshared, denying ourselves the fulfilment we seek (notwithstanding how short-lived and unsatisfying that fulfilment can also be). Even while I will readily admit that God’s grace is there, I cannot deny that the hard times do come. Yes, they are more seldom, but they still cut deeply. This is our “curse.”

But it is also our gift. Jesus said so. Not homosexuality, but celibacy. In Matthew 19:11, Jesus says celibacy can only be accepted by those to whom it has been given. The Greek work for “given” is often used to denote a gift. “Why does he call it a gift?” I wondered for many years in college and grad school. Well there are two reasons. The first reason it is better for the Gospel (1 Corinthians 7:1-7). We have more time dedicate to our saviour’s service. Here, Paul too calls it a gift.
The second reason is because of our intimacy with God. In biblical times, the eunuch was the most trusted official in the king’s court. After all, who would question his commitment?! (lol!). Our celibacy affords an intimacy with God that is unique to the celibate (1 Corinthians 7:32), and that is a truly worthy gift.

So this is our gift and this our curse. We may not fly between skyscrapers and foil bank robberies, but we do have superpowers. Not by our own strength, of course. When undertake the Lord’s work, we undertake a supernatural task, aided by supernatural strength. For me, there is no pride in homosexuality, but there is deep and strange gratitude in my celibacy. I love my Jesus, and I love the privileges of serving him."
In the same way, for those of us who have responded to and committed ourselves to the countercultural call of Jesus, we are all like Spider-Man in some ways. Spider-Man has a mission to fulfil, one that is a 24/7 calling and it changes all aspects of his life. Our mission, if we’ve responded to that call, is also a 24/7 mission and one that changes all aspects of our lives as well - in the choices that we make, the destiny we choose and the sacrifices we make.

Johnny Cash - 'Hurt'

2006-02-02T23:59:00.001+11:00

Click here to watch the video clip of 'Hurt' by Johnny Cash.

Hurt

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real

The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

Chorus

What have I become
My sweetest friend?
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar’s chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

Chorus

If I could start again
A million miles away
I will keep myself
I would find a way

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Johnny Cash's life is chronicled in the film 'Walk the Line', which opened across cinemas in Australia this week.

The film follows the journey of Johnny Cash (played by Joaquin Phoenix), his relationship with June Carter (played by Reese Witherspoon) and his rise to fame in the American country music scene. Growing up dirt poor as the son of a cotton picker in rural Arkansas, the death of his brother at an early age impacted him profoundly in a spiritual way.

Fuelled by his own rocky personal life and spiritual path, much of his music, especially that later in his career, echoed themes of sorrow, moral tribulation and redemption.

During his adult years and his career, he also struggled with drug and alcohol addictions. It was during this time that he refound his spiritual roots - with his religious convictions deepening further still in the latter years of his life and this was no doubt reflected in the videoclip 'Hurt'.

Brokeback Mountain - A Personal Take

2006-01-30T02:20:00.000+11:00

Synopsis

Very briefly, ‘Brokeback Mountain’ begins by telling the story of two young men, one a ranch hand and the other a rodeo cowboy, who meet in the summer of 1963 whilst tending sheep up in the mountains of Wyoming. When a bitterly cold night forces the two to share a tent, it ignites a physical spark that would see them form a lifelong connection that would span 20 years, during which each of the two men marry and start their own respective families. While Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) is more self-aware and continually hopes for something more with Ennis Del Mar (Heath Ledger), Ennis remains conflicted, unable to bring himself to offer Jack anything more other than intermittent once-in-a-blue-moon getaways together under the guise of fishing trips. ‘Brokeback Mountain’ is essentially a story about two men, one who knew what he wanted and another who didn’t know what he wanted until it was too late. It is essentially a sad story, and a tragic one at that, filled with the pain of thwarted love, of longing sorrow, fear and loneliness.

Click here to watch the trailer and selected clips from the movie.

On A Personal Level

‘Brokeback Mountain’ is an immensely moving film. It is raw, overwhelming in its emotions, breathtaking in terms of the scenery but at the same time, does not attempt to pontificate on about homosexuality.

However, it was a tad too slow for my liking, at least initially. But once the story got under way, the final hour or so was emotionally gut-wrenching for me, albeit tempered by my determination to remain objective. Gyllenhaal, Ledger and Michelle Williams all gave superb performance in their respective roles as Jack, Ennis and Alma and where words and dialogue were lacking – which I found extremely frustrating at times – the emotions conveyed by their body language, facial expressions and their eyes more than made up for it.

Ennis is this stoic character who hardly speaks and shows little, if any emotion. Yet, we get a first glimpse of what he was really feeling inside when he bade Jack farewell after their first summer together working up on Brokeback Mountain. As Ennis watches Jack’s truck drive off into the horizon, thinking he'll never see him again, the seemingly stoic Ennis suddenly stumbles to a dusty sidestreet where he falls to his knees, vomits and pummels the wall he’s leaning against and weeps – perfectly articulating the emotions he felt – the confusion, the loss and pain swirling within him.

I was also moved immensely for Alma in the scene where she discovers, by accident, her husband’s infidelity four years into their marriage when Jack and Ennis meet up again for the first time after that summer of 1963. The profound shock, confusion and betrayal felt by Alma is an experience that anyone who has ever been cut wide open by love will be able to relate to.

The film allows us to slowly realise, almost as if teasingly, that it is the reluctant but stoic Ennis whose love is perhaps the most searing and most faithful – at least towards Jack in any case (discounting his infidelity towards Alma for the moment) – and one, which he tells Jack towards the end of the film that meeting him has cost him everything – including his chance of living a life as a married man with two daughters (whom he adores).

The other scene which really moved me was towards the end when Ennis visits Jack’s parents, only to accidentally discover his bloodied shirt tucked inside Jack’s shirt in a narrow space behind the wardrobe in Jack's bedroom – this was the same shirt Ennis had worn when he had a fight with Jack years earlier up on the mountains and which he’d left behind by accident. The entertwining of the shirts seemed as if to say Jack was holding Ennis. But by then, Jack was gone for good and we only get to see this unfathomable sadness in Ennis as he clutches the shirts tightly to himself, smelling them, as if wanting to take Jack into his embrace.

Years later, in the very last scene, Ennis walks over to a closet door in the trailer where he now calls home and as he opens the door, we see the two shirts again, hanging on the inside of the door; only this time, Ennis’s shirt is now on the outside and Jack’s on the inside, as if to say that he was now prepared to hold Jack in his embrace.

I walked away out of the cinema theatre deeply moved. Although I saw bits of myself in both Jack and Ennis, I identified mostly with Ennis (never mind the fact that his folks were Methodists too). However, it did not resurrect as many ghosts as I had initially anticipated, that for which I was thankful for.

As another blogger puts it so aptly, the film is a 'meditation' on the sorrow of finding everything you thought you wanted and yet not being able to or not knowing how to keep it. It is about a nagging ache within you that slowly eats away at you until you finally realise what you have lost and that it’s too late.

The Aftermath

I gave myself a few days to let ‘Brokeback Mountain’ fully sink in and I think it is still in the process of sinking in. I thought it was amusing that Jack and Ennis met whilst tending sheep on a mountain. As I recall how Ennis and Jack made blunder after blunder with their sheep tending responsibilities on their first summer up on Brokeback Mountain, I am reminded of God’s heart for humanity and for those who struggle with the cross that they bear.

Suffering and pain are common to all humanity – and God is in clear solidarity with human suffering. In terms of Christian allegory, it was Jesus who said that he was the Good Shepherd who was willing to lay his life down for his sheep and that he’d go out of his way to find any sheep that had wandered off. And I take comfort in knowing that even in the midst of great loss, I still have Christ who is eternal and whose love is enduring. I just need to remember to look for God’s shadow and His scent, even in the most testing of times and darkest of places.

Brokeback Mountain - An Objective Take

2006-01-30T01:45:00.000+11:00

I saw ‘Brokeback Mountain’ on Australia Day this year. And I’ve also posted my thoughts on it on a personal level in an another post. Click here to read that post. This post on ‘Brokeback Mountain’ is from a more objective perspective. But before I continue, let me take you back to an experience I had several years ago now.

I was living on my own then, and from memory, I think I was in my final year of university. I invited this friend over for dinner at my place one night. Tim had started coming to my church and I had gotten to know him a bit over the preceding months. We chatted casually over dinner and towards either the end of the night or around the middle of the night – I forget which – Tim suddenly blurts out to me after a silent pause that he was HIV+. I remember feeling sitting there stunned. He was, however, so concerned about the news upsetting me that he asked me if I was OK. On the exterior, I didn’t flinch a single bit nor did I bat an eyelid. But on the inside, I was literally guttered. He must have been only in his mid-20s at the time, not that much older than I was.

The night before Australia Day, I found out via two message posts on this online network of same-sex attracted Christians that two other guys (people that I know of rather than personally) have also recently been diagnosed as HIV+. One is in his early 30s, the other, his early 20s. Once again, I felt guttered. It was with this news on the back of my mind that I saw ‘Brokeback Mountain’. I share this because I want to hopefully be able to offer you a slightly different perspective on this film.

So, Requited Love Equals...?

On a broader level, though, I must confess I watched this movie with the determination to remain as objective as I possibly could. And it is from this perspective that I wonder whether ‘Brokeback Mountain’ is insinuating, albeit very subtlely, that love between any two people should never be restrained, sacrificed or given up; that requited love should be given free rein to carve out its destiny in the lives of those whom it has befallen, and that if our society could only be ridden of its disapproval and hang-ups about homosexuality, then these two men could very well have gone on to live a happy life together.

I also wondered as I sat there if society would still look upon as favourably or with as much empathy towards those who engaged in adultery so long as it is committed in the name of requited love between the parties involved.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying ‘Brokeback Mountain’ should be banned or that it is contributing to a decline in family moral values. Not at all. Neither do I wish to belittle the fact that the emotions and experiences portrayed by Jack and Ennis or suggest in any way that they do not exist in reality. However, ‘Brokeback Mountain’ told as a story of a same-sex couple’s thwarted love is but just that – it highlights and shows that even same-sex attracted people, share the same hopes and dreams and desires to love and to be loved, of wanting to know that you matter to someone. And that matters of the heart are never an easy thing – that it is complex, messy and sometimes outright painful.

In that sense, it humanises the experience of people with same-sex attractions and hopefully raises a higher level of awareness and compassion for those with same-sex attractions based on our shared aspects of humanity – regardless of our moral disposition on the matter.

Sexuality – A New Construct

Our generation – or perhaps the last two generations or so – are interestingly enough, also the first in history to ever construct our self-identities on the basis of our sexuality. And so, today, our society would label Jack and Ennis as ‘gay’. Or perhaps ‘bisexual’ to be accurate. Yet, Jack and Ennis both did not describe themselves that way and did not see themselves as that. Some may argue that it is because of the era that they were in, that people feared to identify themselves that way for fear of recriminations. Yet, the very physical and emotional behaviours of Jack and Ennis indicated to us they were very much drawn to each other.

When Annie Proulx wrote her short story ‘Brokeback Mountain’, on which the movie is named after and based on, it is perhaps to her credit that she never used the word ‘love’ in the original short story despite the fact that it’s there nevertheless. The tragedy of the story essentially hinges on the ambiguities of love and sex by blurring the concept of friendship between men. Are Jack and Ennis gay because they loved each other or is it because they loved each other that they are gay?

Read more about Annie Proulx by clicking here.

Some What Ifs?

The increasing blurring of non-sexual emotional intimacy between men and sexual physical intimacy between men is an unfortunate one. I wonder whether Ennis would have perhaps gone on to be a happily married ‘heterosexual’ man to Alma for all of his life had the initial sexual encounter with Jack not happen whatsoever. And had he not met Jack, who instigated the sexual advance, would he have realised what that nagging emotional hunger (for male intimacy) might have been for?

Death of the Male Friendship?

Perhaps one of the stronger views expressed about ‘Brokeback Mountain’ is that by Anthony Esolen, an English professor at Providence College, Rhode Island, who argues that the breakdown of natural sexual order in our society today - as portrayed in ‘Brokeback Mountain’ -has led to the death of male friendship.

In his ‘A Requiem for Friendship: Why Boys Will Not Be Boys and Other Consequences of the Sexual Revolution’, published in Touchstone magazine, Esolen uses the example of a scene from ‘The Lord of the Rings’ where Sam Gamgee, having followed Frodo into Mordor finds him in a small cell lying half-conscious and cries out, “Frodo! Frodo, my dear! It’s Sam. I’ve come!” Frodo embraces his friend and Sam cradles Frodo’s head. Likewise, when David is told of his friend Jonathan’s death in the Old Testament, he cries out, “Your love to me was finer than that the love of women.”

These days, Esolen suggests, a reader or viewer of either scene above is more likely than ever to question the nature of these friendships and erroneously conclude that they are gay. Yet, Esolen points out that just only a few centuries ago, Shakespeare and many other great authors all spoke of non-sexual love between men in the strongest terms. Alas, what has become of male love these days? To this, Esolen offers a blunt but haunting assessment – “If a man cradles the head of his weeping friend, the shadow of suspicion must cross your mind.”

Click here to also read Albert Mohler's full commentary on this issue.

Romanticisation of the Alternative

The film in of itself does not necessarily romanticise homosexual relationships. Ang Lee certainly does not shy away from showing the damage done by the choices that Jack and Ennis make. Yet, you don’t walk away from the film thinking about the trail of destruction their unfaithfulness, not only to their respective wives but to each other (more so Jack than Ennis), have had on their lives. No, it’s not unrequited love that is the story here. It’s thwarted love that cuts at all of us and makes us want to cheer on for the underdog.

As someone pointed out in one of the numerous articles and commentaries that have been written since ‘Brokeback Mountain’ hit the screens, the film portrays a conventional lifestyle with families as a chore – namely that of crying babies, demanding wives and hard, frustrating work to put food on the table while the sexual liaisons and get-togethers that Jack and Ennis have in the glorious outdoors is so much better. Indeed, the adulterous affair shared by Jack and Ennis is associated with nature, framed by the magnificent backdrop of the Wyoming mountains, of clear blue rivers, horses and camp fires while family life is associated with mundaneness, of financial and emotional pressures to escape from.

A Different Reality

Yet, the realities of life and of gay relationships are far more complex and varied than the one portrayed in ‘Brokeback Mountain’. Granted that perhaps Ennis and Jack could have indeed lived a happy life had they not been restrained by the social mores of their time. But who is to say they may not have eventually broken up either? Of the three to four percent of the general population that may be homosexual, lifelong monogamous homosexual relationships are by and large the exception rather than the norm. Admittedly, there are increasingly more and more same-sex couples in long-term relationships. But then again, the rules that govern same-sex relationships are not a homogenous one but rather vary from one end of the spectrum to the other even within the gay community.

It is also a fact that the majority of new HIV infections in Western countries like the USA, Canada, Western Europe, New Zealand and Australia generally occur among men who have sex with men – people like Tim and the other two people I mentioned at the start of this post.

The number of HIV infections is proportionally higher amongst sexually active gay men than amongst straight men – at least in Western countries - perhaps due to the type of sexual practices and types of sexual relationships that sexually active gay men might engage in: from closed monogamous arrangements to open relationships; from barebacking with individuals other than one's partner to having casual anonymous sex with multiple partners. Organisations like the Australian Red Cross also aren’t ignorant about the statistically higher incidence of various blood-borne diseases among sexually active gay men, including the HIV virus, and this is reflected in the organisation’s standard practice of not accepting blood donations from men who have had sex with men within the past 12 months. (See the Australian Red Cross statement here)

What Then?

I think while it’s important to realise that same-sex attracted people have the same hopes and dreams as everyone else, we must sometimes also consider the broader implications of what we throw our weight behind in support of. We all need love, but it is a tragedy if we begin to assume or believe that the only form of love possible between two men is that of a sexual one. I sincerely think that all men - straight or gay - lose out in the long run when we think that the only way a man can love another man is that via homoerotic expression and no other means. We are poorer when we equate love to eros and forget that non-sexual love can be just as real, legitimate and powerful between men.

Regardless of your moral and ethical disposition towards homosexuality, same-sex attracted men and women all deserve the same love, dignity and understanding as you’d expect to receive from others. My only hope is that deep, intimate but non-sexual love between people of the same gender, such as the love shared between Frodo and Sam and the one between David and Jonathan won't get forgotten, marginalised and made suspect in light of the advances society is making by becoming more accepting and tolerant of same-sex relationships.

New Caledonia (Nouvelle Caledonie)

2006-01-22T18:30:00.000+11:00

Capital: Noumea
Airport: Tontouta (45km northwest of Noumea)
National Airline: Aircalin
Visas: Not required for Australian passport holders for short stays
Population: 230,789 (2004 census)
Official language: French
Ethnic Groups: Melanesians (42.5%), Europeans (37.1%), Polynesians, Wallisians, Tahitians (12.2%), Indonesians (3.6%), Vietnamese (1.6%) and others
Location: South Pacific Ocean (Approx 1,200km east of Australia)
Land size: 18,575km squares
Currency: French Pacific franc (CFP franc)
Currency Code: XPF
GDP: US$3.15 billion (2003)
GDP per capita: US$15,000 (2003)

Brief Background Info:

Settled by both Britain and France during first half of the 19th century, the island was made a French possession in 1853. It also served as a French penal colony for about 40 years from 1864. Under French law, New Caledonia is part of the French Republic. New Caledonians are French citizens and hold French passports. Agitation for independence during the 1980s and early 1990s has since dissipated. The last referendum on independence in 1998 did not pass and as decided in the Noumea Accord, the next referendum on independence will be held after 2014. France props up the New Caledonian budget/economy with an substantial amount of financial subsidy each year.

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New Caledonia. Quintessentially French yet so quintessentially South Pacific at the same time. I had to re-adjust to hearing and seeing Melanesians speaking fluent French after all these years of associating Melanesians with speaking English or pidgin English. It didn’t help that I’d also only just come from the Solomon Islands, where the linga franca was English and Solomons Pijin.

Mistaken for a ‘waku’ (or Solomon Chinese) in the Solomon Islands, I was constantly mistaken for a Japanese in New Caledonia. After all, the majority of the tourists that I came across in the New Caledonia were either French or Japanese and since I didn’t look anything like what a typical Frenchman ought to look like, many assumed I was Japanese – including even a couple of Japanese tourists, who started talking to me in Japanese until they realised I had a blank look on my face. Nevertheless, deep down, I was secretly ravishing in the erroneous cultural identity tag people were putting on me. I loved seeing people’s reactions whenever I had to challenge their perceptions and assumptions of who I was. “Non, non. Je non Japonais”, I would say in my broken French.

My first impressions of New Caledonia were largely positive (not counting the somewhat snobbish treatment I got from the Aircalin flight attendants). Perhaps my broken French just wasn’t good enough for them? *shrugs shoulders* The scenery of Tontouta as the plane came in to land was spectacular. I suggest you sit on the left side of the plane if you want to get a good view (see photo on right). When the plane finally pulled up at the terminal, I smiled to myself as I walked across the tarmac and into the terminal building. There was something quintessentially French about it – something that just simply announces to you that, yep, you have definitely stepped onto French territory without a doubt – from the uniforms worn by the police and immigration officials right through to all signs and billboards in French. And how could I possibly forget that image seared into my mind of this airport official (of Vietnamese descent) speaking French in an almost lyrical tone to the throng of mainly French tourists who’d also just walked into the arrival hall with me.

New Caledonia in some ways reminded me of South Africa – with its mountainous terrain on the one hand, but also barren plains on the other hand. Its beaches are beautiful and the fine sand and water were really quite a sight to behold. I had to keep pinching myself and rein in my muted laughter at the same time as I swam in the crystal clear waters of Baie de Kanumera at Ile des Pins towards the end of my trip (see photo on left). I felt like a goldfish swimming in a giant bowl of (unchlorinated) tap water! OK, maybe not a goldfish, but you get my point.

I always reckon that the quickest way to pick up on the nuances and heartbeat of a new country you’ve just arrived in is to take public transport. The bus ride from the airport into Noumea was a first glimpse into this very multicultural capital - the majority of my fellow passengers were a mixture of Melanesians and Polynesians. I was also flabbergasted at the level of public infrastructure in place that I saw during the 45-minute trip into Noumea. I found it hard to digest the fact that only several hours earlier, I was in a neighbouring country north of where I was now and yet such a huge difference in the standard of living existed between the two countries. From what I saw, New Caledonia’s living standards were, in my mind, nearly on par with that of Australia’s.

“This is exactly what the Solomon Islands could potentially be like one day,” I thought to myself, half-hopeful, half-despondent at the thought of what the Solomon Islands has become today nearly 28 years after independence. As much as I hate to admit this, I think countries like PNG and the Solomon Islands probably would have fared much better had they not been given independence during the period of rapid successive decolonisation of many former colonies throughout the 1960s and 1970s.

Arriving into Noumea on a Friday night was probably not the wisest thing either since central Noumea becomes dead quiet once the weekend arrives. Central Noumea reminds me of a 1950s or 1960s town stuck in a time warp.

I also religiously heeded the youth hostel’s advice during my first few nights in Noumea on which routes to take if I were to go out at night. “Take this route,” the man at the hostel reception said, as he drew on the map, “because it goes past the police station.” “Don't walk through this and this area here at night.” Well, always heed local advice, so they say. “Great.” I thought to myself. “What a lovely introduction to Noumea on my first night.” As I picked up my key and walked towards my room, I saw a notice on the noticeboard further advising travellers to be careful of a group of men recently seen loitering around or near the steps leading up to the hostel. I made a mental note of that in my head to look up the word for ‘Help’ in French – because I’d just walked past them earlier. “Excellent.” I mused to myself.

If the living standard was high in New Caledonia, so was the price of nearly everything. One need only to compare the price of one MacDonald’s Big Mac (800F or AUD$12) against one back home (AUD$3) to get the idea that the wad of franc bills in my wallet weren’t gonna last long if I don’t watch my spending. Even the French tourists from France lamented to me about the price of things in this overseas territory of theirs. However, cheap food was still able to be found – provided you knew where to go. The Central Market in Noumea quickly became my favourite breakfast joint, where a crossaint could be picked up for as little as 70F to 120F.

After the first day or two, I became very good at regurgitating two particular lines in French. “Bonjour/Bonsoir. Excusez-moi, vous parlez anglais?” and “Pardon. Je ne parle pas francais.” Which means, “Excuse me, do you speak English?” and “Sorry. I don't speak French.” And, of course, I also uttered lots of “Oui” and “Non” as well, along with the vigorous shaking of my head – or nodding – whichever that was required. Not to mention lots of grateful “Merci beaucoup” to helpful locals.

Among the more memorable things I did during my time in New Caledonia include the pirogue boat ride up the eastern coast of Ile des Pins (see photo on right) – thanks to a fellow French solo backpacker at the hostel who told me about it – and also nervously hitching a ride on the same island not once but twice, to get to Vao and back to where I was staying. Vao was the main village on the Ile des Pins. It was a case of either hitch a ride or risk getting heatstroke by the time I got to the village. It was a calculated risk and both times, the driver slowed down almost as soon as my thumb went up. I also really enjoyed swimming at Baie de Kunamera.

And, oh, not to mention clambering over a two-metre-or-so high fence at 5am in the morning in order to get out of the hostel in time to catch the bus to the airport on my last day. The hostel manager had told me the night before to return the keys to my room by dropping them down this key chute at the office. But she forgot to tell me that I needed to also open the outside gate first. Lovely. And so, I felt very much like a burglar, throwing my bag over the fence and then clambering over the fence to get out of the hostel compound.

New Caledonia is definitely worth a visit if you want a taste of France with sunshine all year round but without spending as much on the airfare. Things may be expensive but there are bargains and cheaper food to be found. I highly recommend staying at the youth hostel if staying in central Noumea or at one of the many hotels in Anse Vata or Baie de Citron, two beachside suburbs where much of the touristy activity is concentrated. The Tjibaou Cultural Centre in Noumea is also worth a visit (see photo above left), especially if you're into architecture and cultural stuff.

Ile des Pins is also definitely worth a visit - and I highly recommend the pirogue ride up Baie d'Upi, off the east coast of Ile des Pins. If you're keen to try out some Kanak tucker, you can arrange to taste some bougna at the end of the pirogue trip. However, arrange this with the gite you're staying at least a day beforehand. New Caledonia is very beautiful and unfortunately, I didn’t get to see all the other bits, especially the northern regions. Next time, perhaps, when I win Tattslotto.

Solomon Islands

2006-01-22T04:40:00.000+11:00

Capital: Honiara
Airport: Henderson International (8km east of Honiara)
National Airline: Solomon Airlines
Visas: Not required for Australian passport holders for short stays
Population: 538,032 (2005 est)
Official language: English
Ethnic Groups: Melanesians (94.5%), Polynesians (3%) and others
Location: South Pacific Ocean (1,600km northeast of Australia)
Land size: 27,540km squares
Currency: Solomon Islands dollar
Currency Code: SBD
GDP: US$800 million (2002)
GDP per capita: US$1,700 (2002)

Brief Background Info: The UK established a protectorate over the Solomon Islands in the 1890s. Self-government was achieved in 1976 and independence two years later in 1978. Ethnic violence and past government corruption has undermined its economic development and stability over the years. A multinational peacekeeping force, at the invitation of the Solomon Islands government, is currently in the Solomon Islands to help maintain law and order.

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I was in Port Moresby when the Fiji coup led by George Speight overthrew the Chaudhry government. That was on 19 May 2000. Less than a few weeks later, it was the Solomon Islands turn. Fuelled by ongoing ethnic tensions, the coup threatened to escalate into a civil war.

Click here to read about the history of the ethnic tension.

Click here for a BBC report on the coup.

I was doing some volunteer work with World Vision in Port Moresby around the time and I still remember the director and some of the World Vision senior staff holding meetings to discuss their next operational movements on Guadacanal island in the Solomons as the drama unfolded.

I also remember the feeling of unease that rippled across the expat community in Port Moresby. It seemed almost as if each of the South Pacific countries were one by one falling into political and civil turmoil, like that of a chain reaction. Would PNG be next in line? Some in the expat community and several political analysts were confident that PNG had a stable enough government to withstand any political and ethnic turmoil that had engulged its nearby Pacific neighbours. And they were right.

I had an uncle who had (and still has) business interests in the Solomon Islands at that time. And I remember hearing various evacuation stories being exchanged and retold around the dinner table between my father and other expatriates in Port Moresby. The Australian Navy sent in a ship while the NZ Air Force sent in its Hercules aircraft. The Malaysian and Philippine governments also sent in their military aircraft for the evacuation of its citizens while PNG informed its nationals to begin registering for evacuation.

Click here to read a BBC report on the ceasefire and evacuation of foreigners.

I thought at the time that that was it for the Solomon Islands. “There goes another Pacific island state down the gurgler.” I seriously wondered if the Solomon Islands was ever gonna recover from this and whether my uncle would ever return to Honiara again.

Well, five years later, I would find myself driving through Honiara in a 4WD, surprised at the recovery it has made. What made it even more astonishing was how safe the streets were. I felt safer in Honiara and as I travelled around the Solomon Islands than I ever did when I was in PNG. So what happened?

Well, back in July 2003, with the increasing breakdown of law and order and continuing ethnic conflict, the Solomon Islands government finally issued an official request for international help. Australia, New Zealand, Fiji and Papua New Guinea responded by sending nearly 2,000 troops and 300 police. In August 2003, this international peacekeeping force known as the Regional Assistance Mission to the Solomon Islands (RAMSI) and Operation Helpen Fren entered the Solomon Islands to restore peace and to disarm the ethnic militias. RAMSI has no doubt been effective in restoring law and order and in rebuilding the various government institutions in the last two years or so. RAMSI continues to be welcomed by many Solomon Islanders and their presence on the streets of Honiara certainly has made a big difference. Another spin-off from RAMSI, as with any long-term UN or multinational peacekeeping force that enters into a Third World country, is the boost to the economy, albeit ‘false’ economy, with the sudden surge in demand for imported goods. This was noticed by my sister who commented to me that the variety of supermarket food products and goods had significantly increased over the last two years since RAMSI came to the Solomon Islands.

Many Solomon Islanders are ‘migrants’ within their own country in one way or another. Being an archipelago consisting of several hundred islands, many Solomon Islanders I met along the way came from the various provinces, often travelling to the larger islands and urban centres in search of employment and/or supplies. As the BBC aptly puts it, the Solomon Islands is a beautiful but poor country. Being a poor country, the Solomon Islands government has also decided to give recognition to Taiwan in exchange for foreign investment and massive aid assistance. Although they weren't everywhere, I still saw more Taiwanese flags flying in Honiara than I did the Australian flag. EU presence in the capital (via its developmental agency arm) was also significant, much to my surprise.

However, with government stability, law and order restored, the economy is picking up again. Business optimism was high when I was in Honiara – at least that was the sense I got. And for this tiny capital without a single set of traffic lights whatsoever, this town was the last place on earth I’d expect to get stuck in a traffic jam. Peak hour traffic in Honiaral reminded me of peak hour traffic on Punt Road/Hoddle Street in Melbourne, albeit on a miniaturised scale (bearing in mind that Honiara has only one main road which runs from one end of the town to the airport at the other end). When I exclaimed to my sister who was in the 4WD with me, “What? A traffic jam – here in Honiara?”, she merely shrugged her shoulders, nodded her head and said, “Yep.”

Taking domestic flights within the Solomon Islands are also a bit of a hit and miss. Sometimes the plane simply fails to show up or has been known to leave even 30 minutes earlier! In my case, my flight to Gizo was delayed two times from 9am to 10am and then again to 11am. It eventually left at around 12:30pm. And it was just as well that I flew to Gizo instead of Seghe because I got to see the village on the way back to the capital on an inter-island passenger boat.

I had originally planned to fly to Seghe and then try my luck at finding this man at the village there about taking me to this eco-resort in the Marovo Lagoon (see photo on right). However, as I was booking the ticket at Solomon Airlines office, the airline agent thoughtfully explained to me, “If it rains in Seghe, the landing strip will be too muddy for the plane to land and you may get stuck in the middle of nowhere. My suggestion is to fly to somewhere else.” Given that I only had three days left to play around with before I had to get back to the capital in order to catch my flight out of the Solomon Islands – and there aren’t that many flights out of the Solomon Islands each week – there were just too many unknown factors to risk it.

Thus, I fully commiserated with the exasperated Solomon Airlines woman as she lamented to me, “Our tourist industry and transport infrastructure is not very good. We can get some international tourists into the capital but then we can’t get these people out to all the beautiful islands and resorts around the Solomon Islands.”

And so I opted to fly to Gizo instead, one of the more established tourist sites in the Solomons, particularly for its diving spots and WWII wrecks. And I had an absolute ball there. Apart from unashamedly self-inviting myself onto this island which houses a Dominican Order (see photo on left), I also nearly half-drowned when I snorkelled for the first time in the choppy sea around there – they were far more choppy than anywhere I’d ever snorkelled before. Gizo also provided, by far, the most interesting and memorable airport transfer I’ve ever experienced in all my travels – by boat. The airstrip took up the entire space on this small island opposite the Gizo township and had my light plane not stopped in time, we would all have landed in the water at the other end of the island.

Would I go back to the Solomon Islands again? Definitely. And if you ever get the opportunity to visit the Solomon Islands, it’s worth a visit. The people are friendly, genuine and it has beautiful lagoons and islands that are still yet to be exploited by tourists and also a lot of dive sites with WWII wrecks if you’re into diving. Just be prepared to fork out quite a bit of money for the airfare there. Return economy airfares alone from Melbourne to Honiara via Brisbane cost me about $1,600, flying Qantas and Solomon Airlines.

Big Eden

2006-01-02T01:55:00.000+11:00

John Lennon once said, “Life happens when you’re busy making other plans.”
And then he got shot.

When a friend asked me on New Year's Eve 2004 what my thoughts were for 2005, I said I was hopeful. I still am hopeful even though my hopes for 2005 didn't quite realise the way I thought they would or had hoped for.

Instead, I ended up floundering along the way. It took me the whole of 2005 to realise that I have spent a significant chunk of my time preparing for a life, a way of life which would never quite eventuate - at least not in the way I'd dreamed about and occasionally still permit myself to dream about. And that while being focused is not necessarily a bad thing, sometimes we can become so focused and hold so tightly onto the steering wheel of our lives that we lose our way altogether because we forget to look around us to see where we're actually going.

Sometimes we need to stop planning each of our every move and simply let those 'moves' happen instead of being in control all the time. So often, we think we are the ones who are writing the stories of our lives and we know exactly how the next chapter of our lives will turn out, but in reality, we don't control all of it.

Life can cease to hold any surprises left when we forget to notice the beautiful things that are happening around us. Nearly two-thirds of the way into 2005, a wise friend pointed out to me that I'd been so focused on getting to the end destination in my mind that I'd forgotten to see or enjoy the beauty of the present, in of which God's kingdom exists - right here right now and not in some far distant time. And he urged me to re-think and re-question the life script that I'd seemingly written for myself.

It took another film I watched in late November to knock more sense into me. In 'Big Eden', Grace, a long-time family friend of a successful artist called Henry living in New York admonishes him to re-think his decision to return to New York, after Henry spent a few months looking after his ailing grandfather in their hometown in country Montana. During these ensuing months prior to his grandfather's death, the townsfolk gradually embrace Henry and welcome him home and a couple of people also pour out their love onto Henry - one of them albeit subtlely in the form of cooking him meals since Henry can't cook - and yet Henry fails to see it all.

After his grandfather dies, Henry decides there is nothing left in the town to warrant him staying and so makes plans to return to New York, where he thinks he "belongs". It is here then that the shocked Grace admonishes Henry to reconsider and gives him a little advice that I believe rings true not only for me today but also tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. And I believe it rings true for many of us too. So, come on, hit me with 2006!

'Big Eden' (2000)

Henry - "I never intended to stay. I live in New York. I have a nice
apartment. I have friends. They have restaurants there."

Grace - "That's it? You want to eat in a restaurant?!"

Henry - "I've just gotta go."

Grace - "Henry, you know what they say when you get lost in the woods?
If you stay put, stay in one place and don’t wander, they’ll find you.
And I was just hoping you’ll let yourself be found this time...
But you keep wandering."

Visited Country Map

2005-11-05T00:21:00.000+11:00

I've always wanted to do this - shading in all the countries of the world that I've been to and I finally found this site that allows you to do exactly just that. It's not entirely accurate, though - for example, I haven't exactly travelled all over the entire USA or Canada. I also haven't included countries of airports where I've merely been in transit/stopped over for another connecting flight (Thailand, Taiwan, Zimbabwe). My only quibble with this map is that it's too small and it doesn't show up clearly all the smaller countries and islands that one might have been to.

Create your own visited country map

Priestly Prerequisites

2005-10-23T02:36:00.000+10:00

When I was in Year 10, we had to choose the subjects we would study for the last two years of our high school as part of the Victorian Certificate of Education. And most of us chose subjects that ensured we would meet the prerequisite requirements of our desired university courses. A year later, in Year 11, a high school friend of mine told me he still didn’t know what he wanted to do after high school. He confessed to me that he was considering a vocation in the priesthood. He may have been Irish and he may have come from a Catholic family but he certainly wasn’t particularly religious, or at least he didn’t appear to be remotely religious to me.

Despite being aghast at the thought – not so much so of him becoming a priest per se, but more so what seemed to me at the time the hypocritical incongruence of a nonreligious person representing God in a religious vocation – I tried to ask him as sensitively as possible for his reason why. He responded to my question with a question. “Why not?” He said it was as valid a vocation as any of the other more common occupations. But to me, I had serious doubts about his reasons. An occupation was something you could work in for a few years, and then maybe switch to something else if you wanted a new challenge. The priesthood was a lifelong commitment to God. It wasn’t like any other job. It wasn’t just a job you did in order to pay the bills. It wasn’t just another job you could go into whimsically for a few years and then simply quit it for something else once you got bored with it.

To me, the priesthood was a calling. It was something that you felt called to by God and were convicted deep down, to serve others, not something you chose just because you woke up one day and thought, “Hmm. I think I like the idea of wearing a dog collar. I know, I’ll be a priest!” That was 10 years ago now and if he’d applied to enter a Catholic seminary then, he probably would have gotten in without too much trouble.

Fast forward nearly 10 years or so and this time, the tables have turned – well, almost but not quite. “You’re seriously not considering the priesthood, are you?!” asked a concerned friend one day, when he saw that the wallpaper on my PC desktop was that of a recruitment poster for priests.

“No,” I replied. “But there is something enticing and intriguing about the priesthood that the poster has stirred within me.” And it was true. I had become intrigued, perhaps even captivated, by the thought of me wearing a dog collar. I thought about my high school friend. He never did end up going into the seminary but ended up in law instead.

However, if he were to change his mind today and wish to enter the seminary now, I doubt his chances of getting in would be all that high. In university, he came out as a gay guy and eventually ran as a candidate for the Queer Officer in the Student Union Council. I ended up voting for him and he got the job.

In hindsight, I perhaps should have put two and two together back in Year 11 but I didn’t. I should have seen that his sharing with me about him joining the priesthood was in some ways, his way of hinting to me the turmoil that was probably going through in his life then. Perhaps it was a way for him to test the waters, to see what the reaction would be from people. But all the jigsaw pieces only fell into place for me after he came out as gay.

It wouldn’t be too presumptuous to make the assertion that the priesthood can indeed seem to be a very attractive alternative vocation to gay men, especially those who aren’t open about their sexuality and have no wish to come out to their family and friends. It was and hopefully still is an honourable vocation, and taking on the job also meant a convenient excuse to deflect all questions about dating, girlfriends and marriage or the lack thereof. The priesthood would be a sanctuary, where their vocation would give them a sense of usefulness and purposefulness in a world that tends to devalue the single, the uncoupled, the unmarried.

However, at a time when the many states are tightening their borders to not only refugees, asylum seekers but also anyone seemingly deemed as questionable and a risk to the safety of its citizens, the Catholic Church too appears to be doing the same as it tries to ascertain who might pose a risk to her flock and reputation.

When news first leaked out last month about the likelihood of the Vatican banning men with homosexual tendencies from the priesthood, even those willing to accept a vow of celibacy, I found myself caught in a conundrum. (Read BBC News article here) Although I am not Catholic, I respect and understand the significance of the Pope’s decisions on the broader worldwide church community. If such a ban were to go ahead, I would be deeply disappointment. Yet on the other hand, I can also see, understand and accept the possible rationale behind such a decision.

Nevertheless, news of this impending ban on all homosexually-inclined men prompted a flurry of thoughts, criticisms or affirmation of the ban from Catholic writers from both the left and right side of the political and theological spectrum, religious commentators and gay advocates.

Muriel Porter’s article criticised the move as an attempt to scapegoat priests with homosexual tendencies for the sex abuse scandals that have rocked the Catholic Church in the past decade.

A more recent report from the National Catholic Reporter, however, suggests that the forthcoming Vatican document on homosexuals probably won’t demand an absolute ban on all candidates with a homosexual inclination but rather insist that seminary officials exercise “prudential judgment” on what seems to be on a case-by-case scenario and only for candidates to be excluded if they fall into one or more of the following categories.

If a candidate has not demonstrated a capacity to live a celibate life for at least three years;
If he is immersed in or part of the “gay culture”, for example, attending gay pride marches
If his homosexual orientation is sufficiently “strong, permanent and univocal” as to make an all-male environment a risk.

While I think the first two categories are sensible and reasonable, I have concerns and doubts about the third one. Perhaps more pertinent to eligibility criteria would be the individual’s willingness to accept and abide by the vow of celibacy and the Church’s understanding and teaching on homosexuality rather than on how strong and univocal their sexual orientation is, something generally not of one’s own deliberate choosing. The first two categories are choice-dependent but the last isn’t.

In the meantime, I’ll just hold my breath for any homosexually-inclined Catholic guy out there (and who also accepts the Church’s teachings on homosexuality) wanting to join the priesthood – that he won’t be abandoned by “a church founded by a man who abandoned no-one”.

Losing My Religion

2005-09-20T00:07:00.000+10:00

It's amazing how some songs never seem to lose their relevance in spite the passing of time. This is one of those songs for me at the moment.

I was reading John 21:14-22 this morning where Jesus asked Simon Peter three times whether he loved him (Jesus). Jesus then indicated to Peter that by following him, Peter's future would eventually lead to him becoming a martyr for Christ. Now, that's pretty full-on, if somebody were to reveal to you your destiny - and it turns out to be a pretty gruesome one. Yet Peter didn't seem to flinch a single bit. Perhaps Peter did not fully realise the significance of what Jesus had just said to him.

Peter then asked Jesus about John's future - another disciple of Jesus. And Jesus responded with a counter-question that applied not only to Peter back then but also today to everyone who is a follower of Jesus. Jesus' reply to Peter was, "If I want him to remain alive... what is that to you? You must follow ME."

Sometimes the actions, choices, experiences and decisions of other people can have a profound impact on us and make us question our own convictions and decisions about various things in life, even our own relationship with Jesus. At least that's what I've found in my own life.

Yet, in his statement, Jesus was essentially saying, "Don't worry about what happens in other people's lives. Your task as a believer in me is to keep following me steadfastedly. I am interested in you and you alone and in your response to ME."

And, admittedly, this can be extremely difficult especially when you forsee your destiny to be a less than ideal one compared to others (at least according to what society says), or you're in the midst of not even knowing what your destiny is, or you're in the midst of such impenetrable, hopeless confusion that you just wonder what the point of it all is in continuing. And that is when think you're at breaking point, when you think you've reached the end of your tether or are at least close to reaching the end of it.

That's why this song still has such relevance to me even after all these years. I guess some things never change in my life.

If the YouTube link does not work, click here to go to IFILM's website to watch the video clip to 'Losing My Religion'. Click on 'Watch Now!' to bring up the video clip. This works best if you have broadband Internet connection. If you've got a dial-up Internet connection, it may take a while.

God and Film

2005-08-07T16:15:00.000+10:00

“Why wouldn’t God speak through (some) film? He owns everything. As someone once said, ‘There isn’t a secular molecule in the universe.’

Besides, we are no longer an agrarian civilisation. Why would a smart God speak through the stars as he once did, at a time when the sky was our ‘global point of reference’. It’s not that season anymore.

Now in the urban age, if the Star of Bethlehem appeared in the sky, we wouldn’t get it. We would simply see it as an astronomical event on the news.

But having rebuilt our Tower of Babel through telecommunication and transportation, our global constellation of cities now share in a largely unified culture which drinks daily from the well of media-driven pop culture. It would be absurd to think God would not exploit this.”

Sy Rogers

To visit Sy Rogers's website, click here.

‘The Island’

2005-08-07T15:55:00.000+10:00

I went to the cinema last night with a couple of friends and saw The Island. I'd rocked up not really knowing what The Island was about and I ended having a feast on it. If you enjoyed Gattaca, chances are you will also like The Island. Note - this blog contains a spoiler of the film.

Synopsis

Set in a futuristic 21st century Earth, Lincoln Six Echo and Jordan Two Delta are two survivors of some unmentioned catastrophe that had struck the entire planet. Every day, new survivors would be found outside and brought back into the containment facility where they would recuperate and live. Like all the other survivors, both Lincoln and Jordan longingly hope to be chosen by means of a daily lottery to eventually go and live on the Island, the last uncontaminated parcel of land left on Earth in order to repopulate it.

However, Lincoln begins to question the life that he lives and eventually discovers quite by accident that everything he’d ever known about his existence had been a lie. It is during this moment that Jordan's name also happens to come up in the lottery.

Upon realising that Jordan is about to be ‘harvested’ for her organs, Lincoln grabs the unbelieving Jordan and makes a daring escape from the facility with her, eventually convincing her that there is no ‘Island’.

Some thoughts on The Island

Sure, there were bits in the film that reminded me of the sting of loneliness, as many films often can do, such as when the typical leading male character finds his typical perfect love in the film’s leading female character. But that aside, apart from the ethical and moral issues raised on the matter of cloning, stem-cell research and eugenics, I also picked up on several allegories, symbolism or parallels to the Christian faith throughout the film. Or if you know me personally, perhaps you could say this is just me reading far too much into things yet again.

Either way, to borrow from Sy Roger’s terminology, it was a well of living water as I drank in what seemed to me to be allegories of the faith I’d embraced. Films affect different people differently and for me, I walked away from the cinema quietly encouraged in the midst of what has been several prolonged weeks of melancholia and discouragement.

“I wish that there was more.

More than just waiting to go to the Island.” - Lincoln.

Lincoln’s statement had a personal impact on me. For me, it is a reminder – at least personally – not to fall into the trap of seeing my life as merely being “just in transition” while I wait to go to Paradise (read ‘heaven’), and not to forget the ‘now’, the ‘present’ as I focus on the future. There have been times when I’ve pinned so many of my hopes on the future that I became so detached from the present. While the New Testament teaches that believers of Christ are not to be of this world, it also made it clear that we are still to be in the world. So often, however, followers of Christ can erroneously make the Christian faith out to be simply merely ‘a guaranteed ticket to heaven’ or ‘a life insurance policy’ with the assurance of life eternal with God and totally forget that the kingdom of God actually begins right here right now on earth and not in some faraway space. What we do in the present with our lives right now, with our emotions, our grief, our anger, our rage, our bitterness, our hopes, fears and even joy all have an impact on not only the present but inevitably also the future.

The Island for me isn't just about the ethical issues of cloning, stem-cell research or even eugenics. And although it doesn't attempt to deal with or resolve these questions, it certainly made me think a bit more about it. As a spiritual allegory, like Lincoln and Jordan, we all live under a system that lies to us. While the lies in our society – that being rich, powerful, successful, popular or beautiful is what matters; or that we will only be happy when this or that happens – may be different to the lies told in The Island, they too nevertheless fill us with the same false hopes of happiness and paradise. Winning the lottery for the survivors in the film was what each of them could only ever dream of, yet, in reality, it would also be the road that would lead to their death and destruction. And that can be true in many of the false hopes and lies that we may believe in our society today, be they about who we are or what we’re worth. And sometimes what may seem like a trip to paradise or, indeed, start off like a trip to paradise can turn into a hellish journey or, in some cases, without us even knowing, take us further away from paradise instead.

And so, as Lincoln and Jordan flee through the desert after managing to break out of the facility, they encounter a snake. Lincoln, having never seen a snake before, gets curiously close to the rattler - far too close in fact - and much to the concern and angst of my fellow cinemagoers. During this scene, my friend and I could not but think of Adam and Eve’s similar encounter with the serpent in the Garden of Eden.

Later on, Lincoln manages to find McCord at a pub, a human friend he befriended back at the containment facility before the escape, and McCord tells Lincoln the whole truth – that all the other clones and Lincoln were created simply to provide spare body parts to enable those wealthy enough to afford it to fulfill the “new American dream – to live forever”. Lincoln later finds out it'd cost his sponsor $5 million to have him cloned. The rich, it seems, can afford to cheat death simply by summoning Mammon. Contrast that to the offer of eternal life promised by Jesus Christ himself in the Gospels, something offered to every individual regardless of their status, economic or otherwise, in society.

One of the other most striking allegory of Christianity that I’d missed initially was the way how the facility’s guards attempted to capture the runaway clones. They would shoot miniature fish hooks or harpoons into the back of the escapees as they tried to run away and would then simply reel them back in as if they were fish on a hook. Realistically, in life, it’s impossible. I mean, how could one pull a struggling, fully-grown adult by a single mere fish hook embedded in the flesh on his back? While I merely accepted that as being a given, being part and parcel of mid-21st century high-tech weaponry that they now owned, it wasn’t until later on in the film when my friend turned and smiled about the large net that breaks the fall of Lincoln and Jordan falling from a skyscraper that the allegory clicked. What are two common ways of catching fish? Either with a net or a fishing hook. And what did Jesus himself say to the fishermen by the shores of the Sea of Galilee? (Mark 1:17) Bingo.

Meanwhile, as the scientists back at the containment facility go through and compare a previous brain scan done on Lincoln with the most recent one just before he escaped, they discover that Lincoln had somehow grown memories belonging to his sponsor that he shouldn’t have. He was after all a clone, not a real human and without a soul. It was impossible but yet it happened somehow, presumably through an infection of some sort from outside according to the scientist. This made me think of Romans 12:2 about the process of renewing of our minds, and about how Christianity teaches it is the Holy Spirit that imparts us with new knowledge about ourselves, and of God and of the spiritual world around us when we turn to Him, and that until we are ‘infected’ with this external source and dimension of life, we will never quite ‘see’ the world the way Lincoln ultimately came to see his own.

The final metaphor I picked up was also a reference to the start of the movie when Lincoln was dreaming about being on a slick-looking boat called ‘Renovatio’ sailing towards the Island. We find out in the film that ‘Renovatio’ is Latin for ‘renewal’ or ‘rebirth’ and I thought it couldn’t have been a more befitting name for the boat that ultimately carries the freed Lincoln and Jordan to ‘paradise’. Lincoln and Jordan were created merely as a just another product on the shelf, born as live tissue and bred for harvesting. Yet, by seeing through the deception, by discovering the truth and escaping from the containment facility, they were ultimately ‘reborn’ again as individuals in their own right to live. No prizes for guessing who was the person in the Bible that also proclaimed that we too must be spiritually reborn or ‘born again’ to live eternally (John 3:1-8).

Outback Parable

2005-07-08T01:48:00.000+10:00

'Outback Australia' Published by Lonely Planet

As the plane touched down at Alice Springs airport, my sister and I were both captivated by the vastness of seemingly endless red, dusty earth. The airport’s landing strip was like in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by low-lying scrubs and red earth. We made our way to Uluru from the Alice on a small bus and during the few nights in the outback, we slept in tents, rolled on insect repellent numerous times and tried playing the didgeridoo around the campfire one night. This was 1996, when I’d just finished high school and was enjoying a well-deserved break before university life was to begin in a couple of months time for me.

A friend of mine, Gwen, not only spent some time in the outback, she spent a small chunk of her life there, growing up in Yulara, near Uluru – which is literally in the middle of nowhere, in the desert. Alice Springs, the nearest town with a hospital was some nearly 400 kilometres away by road. However, I always like listening to her talk about her experiences as a young teenager living there, ‘attending’ correspondence school and communicating with her teachers in Darwin via phone and how she'd cycle around everywhere simply using Uluru and the Olgas as her compass.

Australia is a big country but a third of it is also covered in seemingly inhospitable desert and scrubland. When I think of the outback, I think of red earth, of desert, of sand, of searing desert heat, of dusty roads and road trains, of Aboriginals and of course, of cattle, cattle stations and jackaroos. I also think of blundstones and R M Williams but I won’t go into that. But if there’s anything that has stuck in my mind after all these years, it is the vast expanse of land, of red dust and earth. No wonder they call this the Great Southern Land.

As my parents head off on their 11-day outback trip to Uluru and Alice Springs early tomorrow morning by coach, I thought it’d be fitting to share this parable I’d once read and heard in various shapes and forms involving this particular part of Australia. This version was taken from Ashley Barker and John Hayes’s book ‘Submerge’, albeit with some paraphrasing. I hope you find it interesting. Those of you inclined might want to try and suss out what the parable could be about or simply take out of it what you can get.

The Parable - Deep Wells versus Fences

Some years back, so the story goes, there was a successful, independent Californian farmer who had pioneered numerous industry-acclaimed practices, from water conservation, to feed management, to specially designed fences. His success was the envy of his peers and, of course, of great interest to the multinational livestock companies.

Made an attractive offer by a multinational livestock company, he became a global consultant and his first consulting project was to travel to the Northern Territory in Australia to evaluate a large cattle station recently purchased by the multinational company he now worked for.

After leaving customs at Darwin airport, the Californian was greeted by a 50-something, leather-faced man with thinning, light ginger hair. Before long, the two were on their way, heading out of Darwin and toward the cattle station.

“How far to the farm?” asked the Californian.
“About 12 hours,” replied the Australian.

The ride out to the cattle station was uneventful. The Californian’s eyelids grew heavy as the light, red sand and a long, straight, dusty road sped past.

“Right,” said the Australian after 6 hours, “we’re here.”
“I thought you said it was 12 hours,” said the Californian.
“Oh, mate, that’s to the homestead. It’s another six hours till we get there. But we’ve just entered the property. Now,” he continued, “tell me what you know about your experiences with similar cattle stations around this size.”

The Californian started to inspect his fingernails. How was he to know how to improve a farm which was half the size of California? With his experience in custom-designed and built fences, he decided to shift the focus and ask some questions of his own.

“Tell me,” he asked. “If you have 100,000 head of cattle, where are the fences? I mean, how many would you lose a year?”

“Oh, mate,” the Australian replied, “don’t you go back and tell your boss that we have to build fences out here. That’d be crazy. You’d kill people building fences out here. Anyway, we don’t need them.”

“Really? Why?” asked the Californian.

The Australian stopped the 4WD by the side of the road and looked at his Californian colleague-cum-consultant.

“Well, the reason we don’t need fences out here is that we have deep wells. The deep wells provide a constant source of water out here. The cattle don’t stray because we find the underground springs and put a windmill on it to suck up the water. The cattle don’t wander off because they know where to come to if they’re gonna survive. It’s better, mate, to dig deep wells for fresh water than to try and build thousands of kilometres of fences to keep them in. So don’t even think of recommending to your boss that we need to put fences around this cattle station. Otherwise, you can get out here right now and walk to the homestead.”

(Jackaroo and cattle station photos sourced from R M Williams website)

Table for One, Please

2005-07-03T16:03:00.000+10:00

Hawthorne Boulevard
Source: http://www.portlandground.com

I still remember the reaction on the face of the waitress who seated me at the Japanese restaurant on Hawthorne Boulevard in Portland back in 2003. I’d been backpacking solo for the previous two weeks or so up along the West Coast after parting ways with a friend in San Francisco and had worked my way from there to Salt Lake City, Seattle, Port Angeles, Victoria BC and finally Portland. I had caught a bus from downtown Portland, Oregon, to the hip and groovy Hawthorne District to check out the place. And I often had meals by myself during the two weeks whilst travelling solo.

When I replied to the woman that I was after a table for just one, she had this blank look on her face as if she’d misheard me. She gave me the benefit of the doubt and asked me again. I nodded and said yes, one. I could almost hear her thoughts from the way her face had betrayed her. It wasn’t the first time I’d gotten a such a look from a waiter/waitress. But I was hungry and I just wanted some place where I could sit down, rest my weary feet and get some tucker.

“Perhaps it’s just not the thing to do here in America,” I mused to myself. Or maybe anywhere. But I certainly felt the underlying sentiment much more pronounced in America - or maybe it was just me. The funny thing is it’s perfectly well and socially acceptable if you eat alone at McDonald’s, KFC or at any fast-food restaurant, but yet it’s somehow seen as not-the-done-thing to eat alone at a proper restaurant. I thought back to the observations I’d made in San Francisco two weeks prior – on the evening of my birthday when I’d turned a quarter of a century old – and how I noticed I was truly indeed the only person in the entire restaurant sitting at a table all by myself. Every other table had at least two or more people. But back to the Japanese restaurant. As I followed this petite waitress to my table, I could almost picture the woman projecting this huge letter ‘L’ on my forehead.

As I sat down and looked at the menu, I began to wonder whether having a meal in a restaurant by myself would make those sitting around me feel sorry or take pity on me. What would their thoughts be? “You poor fella.” “He must be lonely.” “Gosh, he must be lonely even if he doesn’t look lonely.” “I wonder if he’s just broken up with his girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse/pet dog?” “He’s such a loser. Doesn’t he have any friends?”

But as I sat there, I felt great because I felt as if I was bucking the trend, as if I was challenging a social norm, an unsaid rule that one could not or must not enjoy being by oneself. It's like walking into a lift full of people and intentionally standing there facing everyone else in the face when they're all looking in the same direction ahead, each trying to avoid eye contact with you. My only complaint was that the service seemed a bit slow. In fact, very slow. Perhaps they had forgotten me. I mean, after all, it was only me. Just me. And therefore only half the normal takings (had there been two people). Instead, it was just one solitary person tucked away in the corner of the restaurant occupying a table meant for two.

OK, OK, perhaps I am being melodramatic and possibly a bit paranoid here. But I have encountered and still encounter people who baulk at or cannot comprehend the thought of anyone travelling solo, going to the movies alone or going away on holidays on their own. My parents’ view on this, on the other hand, fall at the other extreme end. They just think a holiday’s not really a holiday unless they go along with busloads of their friends, relatives, cousins, brothers, sisters. OK, maybe not busloads but you get the point. They would tell me that it’s meaningless going away on a holiday by yourself. And I agree with them. It is more fun to go away on holiday with at least a friend or two, maybe a handful even, and perhaps better still, if it’s with that special friend of yours. You can share the memories and not to mention, the costs too. But sometimes, life is solitary. And sometimes there are things that one has to do by oneself. I’m not advocating a reclusive lifestyle or to live like a hermit. Neither am I elevating the status of a solitary experience beyond that of a communal experience or community living. But what I am saying is that it is OK to be alone sometimes. And it is OK if we end up having to confront part of that loneliness that can often arise from doing things alone by oneself.

I wonder if many are afraid of doing things alone, of going to the movies alone, or taking a holiday and eating in a restaurant alone precisely because of this fear – this fear of having to confront their loneliness. This sense of isolation, disconnectedness, of not being known, that sits somewhere in varying degrees of intensity in each and every one of us. Or the opposite would be that we live alone but live such busy lives that we never really have time to be alone or feel alone. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying it’s wrong to want company, to prefer company, to desire having a meal with someone or to go away on holiday with a mate. After all, I am only too aware of God’s affirmation for relationship and community and his initial proclamation that “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper.” (Genesis 2:18)

The late Henri Nouwen once wrote some great stuff on loneliness. A Catholic priest who remained celibate throughout his whole life, he too grappled with loneliness and had on numerous occasions been so heavily weighed down by it that he’d weep inconsolably over the phone to a few of his closest friends in the middle of the night. Yet he compared the wound of loneliness to that of the Grand Canyon – a deep incision in the surface of our existence which can become a source of beauty and self-understanding.

Nouwen challenged the popular promise offered to both Christians and seekers-of-the-Christian faith alike that the Christian way of life would take away the pain of loneliness. “Come to Jesus,” so it goes, “and you will never be lonely because you will always have a friend.” On one hand, it is true that you would always have a friend in Jesus. But the fact is that Jesus never promised anyone who came to him that they wouldn’t have to deal with the wound of their loneliness ever again. Rather, what he actually promised was that he would never leave or forsake those who came to him (Hebrews 13:5). He never promised that he would take away our loneliness or stop us from ever feeling alone, isolated, pain or a sense of being disconnected. Big difference there.

Instead, Nouwen suggested that the Christian way of life actually protects and cherishes loneliness as a precious gift. Yet, it often seems we do everything possible to avoid the painful confrontation with our basic human loneliness, and instead allow ourselves to be trapped by false gods promising immediate satisfaction and quick relief. According to Nouwen, the painful awareness of loneliness is in fact an opportunity for us “to transcend our limitations and look beyond the boundaries of our existence; the awareness of loneliness might be very well a gift that we must protect and guard, because our loneliness reveals to us an inner emptiness that can be destructive when misunderstood, but filled with promise for those who can tolerate its sweet pain.”

Alas, when we’re impatient, Nouwen writes, and want to give up our loneliness and try and overcome the incompleteness we feel, we often easily relate to the rest of our human world with unrealistic, if not devastating expectations. “We ignore what we already know – that no love or friendship, no intimate embrace or tender kiss, no community, commune, man, woman will ever satisfy our desire to be released from our lonely condition. The truth is so disconcerting and painful that we are more prone to play games with our fantasies than to face the truth of our existence. Thus, we keep hoping that one day, we will find the man who really understands our experiences, the woman who will bring peace to our restless life, the job where we can fulfil our potentials, the book which will explain everything, and the place where we can feel at home.” Such false hope leads us to make exhausting demands on those around us. Many relationships and marriages are ruined because neither partner was able to fulfil the often hidden hope that the other would take his or her loneliness away. And this is a reminder for me too, because many singles can often live with the naïve dream that in the intimacy of a relationship or marriage, their loneliness will be taken away.

Nouwen went further – many of us suffer, he wrote, because of the false supposition on which we may have based our lives on. That supposition being that “there should be no fear or loneliness, no confusion or doubt. But these sufferings can only be dealt with creatively when they are understood as wounds integral to our human condition.” And thus, the Christian way of life is actually a confronting way to live one’s life precisely because it does not allow its followers to live with illusions of perfect wholeness and having achieved a state of utter self-perfection. Instead, the Christian faith keeps reminding us that we are mortal and broken, not to keep us imprisoned or to break our spirits, but rather, it is only with the recognition of our mortal, broken condition that the process of liberation actually starts.

Recommended Book: The Wounded Healer by Henri J.M. Nouwen. Image Doubleday, 1972, 100pp

Two Books on Globalisation & Poverty

2005-05-30T22:03:00.001+10:00

Two books that I would recommend for those who interested in this subject are Globalization and its Discontents by Joseph Stiglitz and The End of Poverty – Economic Possibilities of our Time by Jeffrey Sachs.

'Globalization and its Discontents' Joseph Stiglitz

On Globalization and its Discontents, Joh Kendall writes in the Tasmanian Anglican (August 2003),

“It would be easy to regard the process of globalisation as incidental to Christians during their sojourn here, or as something inherently evil that we should have nothing to do with. However, from an alternative perspective, we can see that our involvement is compatible with Christ-centred living.

Jesus, during his time on Earth, had to contend with an uncaring Jewish hierarchy that had completely lost its meaning and purpose. The institutions of the day and the people running them had completely lost the plot, forgetting what God really cared about - justice, mercy and faith (Matthew 23:23).
So, how should we feel about globalisation? What does it mean and how is it affecting people around the world? How as Christians should we respond?

Globalization and its Discontents is a good place to start in seeking answers to these questions. As an insider, Stiglitz is well-able to expertly describe the international institutions that manage globalisation, including the International Monetary Fund (IMF), World Trade Organisation (WTO) and the World Bank.”

Globalization and its Discontents by Joseph Stiglitz. Penguin Books, 2003, 288pp

'The End of Poverty' Jeffrey Sachs

More than a billion people – about one in six people – live on less than US$1 a day. Another 2.7 billion struggle on US$2 or less. Yet this was not always the situation. Up until a few hundred years ago, the income polarity between the world’s richest and the world’s poorest was nowhere near the vast gap that it is today.

How did the world we live in end up the way it has? Is the eradication of extreme poverty ever going to be possible? Jeffrey Sachs, a well known economist, argues in his book that extreme poverty can be eradicated and suggests what can be done.

He argues that the IMF and World Bank’s monetary and economic conditions for Third World countries in curbing government spending, privatisation and liberalising their financial economies in exchange for much-needed loans and assistance have done more harm than good. Sachs also suggests that many of the problems are structural (that is, institutionally – be it the global market system, various government, financial or corporate institutions as well as the miserliness of First World countries. (For example, in 2003, the world’s richest countries on average only gave just 0.25% of their national income to development and aid assistance. This is less than 1% and not even close to the 0.7% target level pledged upon by many First World countries.)

The End of Poverty; Economic Possibilities for Our Time by Jeffrey Sachs, Penguin Books, 2005, 396pp.

Photo by Kevin Carter

2005-05-28T23:29:00.000+10:00

Photo: Kevin Carter

Taken in 1994 during the famine in Sudan, this photo is of a famine stricken child slowly crawling towards an United Nations food camp, located a kilometre away. A lone vulture is in the background waiting for the child to die before it can eat her. When this photo was published in the ‘New York Times’ a decade ago, it shocked the world then. Till this day, no-one knows what happened to the child - including the photographer, Kevin Carter, who left the place as soon as the photograph was taken. Kevin Carter later committed suicide from depression.

The eternal destiny of the girl above is in the hands of God, who requires little from those to whom little has been given. But to those of us who have been given much, much will be demanded of us. (Luke 12:48)

“I was hungry and you did nothing” Jesus

2005-05-28T23:25:00.000+10:00

I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat.
I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink.
I was homeless and you gave me no bed.
I was shivering and you gave me no clothes.
I was sick and in prison and you never visited.

I tell you the truth. Whatever you did not do for one of the least of these,
you did not do for me. - Jesus Matthew 25:42-43, 45

And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8

Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Psalms 82:2

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up; defend the rights of the poor and needy. Proverbs 31:9

Remember those who are suffering, as though you were with them. When you serve the least of these, my brothers, you are serving Me. - Jesus

The Micah Challenge

2004-12-26T23:20:00.000+11:00

International Year of Microcredit

I used to be very wary of signing petitions and I still am these days, to a certain degree, except that ‘wariness’ has been replaced by ‘discerning’. And I am glad to say I am definitely far less paranoid about Big Brother tracking me down and imprisoning me for being a left-wing dissident today than, say, during my teenage years with memories of George Orwell’s ‘1984’ and the Thought Police hanging over my head.

Around the final year of my university course, a few months before my 21st, my attitude towards signing petitions began to change. One particular campaign caught my attention and it challenged me to get off my arse and do something practical instead of blowing hot air. It was the Jubilee 2000 campaign. This campaign basically urged rich countries to cancel or drop the debt owed to them by Third World countries as means of enabling these countries to break out of the poverty/debt cycle.

I am hardly an extrovert and so, I felt I could perhaps support the cause by simply collecting signatures using the Jubilee 2000 campaign petition forms. Needless to say, thrusting forms to strangers on the street and soliciting support from passers-by hardly seemed appealing to me. And so, one day, I found myself raising the idea of that campaign to two uni friends at a tram stop near the university while we were waiting for our tram. To my surprise, the two of them both thought that it was an excellent idea and said they’d readily sign such a petition. And needless to say, the rest is history with many more people – and many of you reading this – signing that petition throughout the rest of 1999.

All in all, 24 million signatures were collected worldwide at the end of the campaign, Third World debt got pushed onto the global political agenda and many First World countries committed themselves to writing off nearly $100 billion of debt owed to them by the poorer countries. Tanzania, for example, thanks to debt cancellation, was able to abolish school fees and enroll an additional one million children for primary school education. (Source: Millennium Campaign website)

Five years on and today, international lobby groups such as Jubilee Research continue to monitor the situation to ensure that the promises made by the wealthier countries to cancel debt are being honoured as the debts are gradually written off. For updates and news on the Australian front, visit Jubilee Australia’s website.

With Jubilee 2000 behind us, there is a new campaign called the Micah Challenge. The Micah Challenge is essentially a global Christian campaign to encourage all 191 member states of the United Nations, including Australia, to fulfill the Millennium Development Goals (MDG) which they have pledged to achieve by 2015. Member states signed this Millennium Declaration at the 2000 UN Millennium Summit and briefly, the MDG are

Eradicate extreme poverty and hunger
Achieve universal primary education
Promote gender equality and empower women
Reduce child mortality
Improve maternal health
Combat HIV/AIDS, malaria and other diseases
Ensure environmental sustainability
Develop a global partnership for development.

To read more about the MDG, click here.

The Micah Call is a petition which urges world political leaders to meet their MDG promises. 24 million signatures were collected in the Jubilee Campaign and its impact was phenomenal. Imagine the impact we can make if the same pressure and encouragement is again applied to the world’s political leaders to fulfill their MDG promises. To sign the Micah Call petition, visit www.micahchallenge.org

If you feel you’d like to do more other than just adding your name to the petition, perhaps you might want to consider helping in a more practical way. The UN has declared 2005 to be the International Year of Microcredit and the UN's Economic and Social Council has endorsed microcredit programs as being effective and successful in “lifting people out of poverty in many countries” and that these programs have “especially benefited women and have resulted in the achievement of their empowerment” and that microcredit programs “in addition to their role in the eradication of poverty, have also been a factor contributing to the social and human development process.”

International Year of Microcredit

Now, what is microcredit, you ask? Essentially, microcredit involves various organizations and agencies lending small loans to people (often women) living in poverty who have no means of obtaining financial capital from the commercial banks in order to help them break out of the poverty cycle.

One organisation that provides such microcredit loans is Opportunity International, an Australian organisation accredited by AusAID that provides loans to carefully selected individuals in Third World countries at reasonable interest rates to assist them in breaking out of poverty/debt trap caused by crippling commercial bank interest rates etc. In essence, Opportunity International helps the poor help themselves. Foreign aid can help the poor for a period of time but Opportunity International helps the individual to provide for themselves for the long term.

Basically what Opportunity International does is they provide a small loan to create a business plus training in basic business practices and as the business grows, income is generated and families are then able to meet basic needs like food, education, medical care and housing. Opportunity International serves the poor in 27 countries around the world and in 2003, the organisation gave loans to 500,000 people, creating or sustaining 922,000 jobs. Since 2000, Opportunity International has disbursed more than 2.5 million loans, impacting over 20 million people.

Apart from disbursing loans to the poor, in 1993, OI also established Trust Banks, a kind of group-based lending product which allows about 10-25 poor entrepreneurs to come together to receive business loans, training and mentoring and members also guarantee each other’s loans in lieu of collateral. This loan money is recycled once it has been paid back and it has a repayment rate of between 95% to 97%. A full Trust Bank costs $10,000 to set up and visionary investors who invest are kept informed of their Trust Bank portfolio, a list of members benefiting from the loans and their businesses.

To make a one-off tax-deductible donation to Opportunity International or to find out more about investing in a Trust Bank either as a club, a group, a family, a couple or even as an individual or with some friends, visit Opportunity International’s Australian website at www.opportunity.org.au.

Consumer Christ

2004-12-25T23:54:00.000+11:00

Consumer Christ
Source: http://jonnybaker.blogs.com/photos/art_pics/santa5.html

Where The Streets Have No Name

2004-11-30T23:56:00.000+11:00

Photo: Simon Bayliss / Source: The Age

There was a time as a little boy
When I said I'd follow you
But the years have caused the flame
To burn much stronger now

And I'm not burning down any of my bridges
But I'm burning up inside
To flee from my religion and love my neighbour more

There were times in my barrenness
When I felt your pure affection

But what can I do with my obsession?
With the things I cannot see
Is there madness in my being?
Is it wind that blows the trees?

Sometimes you're further than the moon
Sometimes you're closer than my skin
And you surround me like a winter fog
You've come and burned me with a kiss

And my heart burns for you
And my heart burns
You burn me deeper than I know

In a church by the face
He talks about the people going under
I see you my friend and touch your face again
Miracles will happen as we trip

But we're never gonna survive unless
We get a little crazy
No, we're never gonna survive unless
We are a little crazy.

How high a mountain must I climb
To reach for air
To breath the air so clear so pure
Could blow my mind

In my mind there is a place
For everyone, for every taste
But in this life reality can shoot you dead
For the colour of your face

We can’t change the fact
We are born to die
We can’t all profess to know how or why
But keep on reaching don’t stop trying

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide.
They're swept away and nothing is what is seems,
The feeling of belonging to your dreams.

Listen to your heart
When he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
There's nothing else you can do.

I don't know where you're going
And I don't know why,
But listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye.

So, is it getting better
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now
You got someone to blame?

Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head?

You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law

You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should

I have climbed the highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you

I have run, I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like a fire
This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone

I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colours will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well, yes, I'm still running

You broke the bonds
And you loosed the chains
Carried the cross
And all my shame
All my shame
You know I believe it

Because I want to run
I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls
That hold me inside

I want to reach out
And touch the flame
Where the streets have no name

I want to feel sunlight on my face
I see the dust cloud disappear
Without a trace
I want to take shelter from the poison rain

Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name

(Lyrics - Delirious, Seal, Roxette, Jimmy Somerville, U2)

"He'll be your shelter from the storm." Psalms 55:8

'The Village'

2004-09-25T15:20:00.000+10:00

'The Village' - Seesaw

I went and saw The Village a few nights ago with a mate.

Set in 1897, it’s about a group of people living a self-sustained communal way of life away from the rest of the world, much akin to the Amish. But besetting this seemingly close-knit and peaceful community are the ones they do not speak of – creatures that lurk in the woods surrounding the village. An uneasy truce has existed for many years between the villagers and the creatures – they do not go into the woods and in turn, the creatures do not enter the village. But a great dilemma arises when one of the main characters is injured and is in dire need of medication from the towns, for which without it, that person would surely die. Do the villagers watch the person die or do they break their oaths of never stepping foot into town again to get the medicine? Compounding the dilemma is that whoever leaves the village would also need to go through the woods to get to the town and then return via the same way.

'The Village' - Marked Door

At the same time, the uneasy truce between the villagers and those they do not speak of also appears to be ending as red marks begin to appear on the front doors of the villagers' houses. "It is a warning," said one village elder. When Tabitha Walker, one of the village elders' wife, senses her husband Edward entertaining thoughts of going into the town to get the medicine, she reminds him of the oath he’d once made. “You made an oath!” she exclaims. “You made an oath never to go back (to the towns) again!”

As I sat there watching the intensity of her plea for him to keep his oath, I could not but feel confronted by the weight of the choices I have made in my own life. As Tabitha pled with Edward not to break his oath, I was reminded of a song sung within some Christian circles. It goes like this. “I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back, no turning back. The world behind me, the cross before me. No turning back, no turning back.” It’s very cheesy especially if you hear me sing it, which is not such a good thing, but I used to sing it when I was a new Christian.

One of the paradoxes of Christian faith, I think, is that it is easy and difficult at the same time. It is one of the easiest faiths to believe, yet also one of the most difficult to embrace at the same time. People have asked me if I ever have doubts about my Christian faith, about my beliefs, about God, about the things that I believe in. I think it would be fair to say that yes, I do. There have been days when I’ve woken up with doubts that ran so deep down into the abyss of my soul that cut my heart and made my blood run cold. One constant question has remained the same throughout the years. “What if…? What if I am wrong about everything, about God, about all that I’ve believed?”

I live with that tension alongside the many other tensions of my life. But in a way, it’s a good tension. Because it makes everything that I believe in, precisely what it is and what it should be – faith. And faith is usually strengthened each time it faces and survives an onslaught of 'doubt attack'. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating blind faith in anything and everything, but rather in rational faith – albeit, one that still requires us to make a leap of faith eventually in order to make ‘faith’ exactly what it is – faith.

After all, the Almighty wouldn’t be quite who it/he/she claims to be if I could come to a point where I could say I totally understood everything about God and the universe in its entirety. If that were the case, I would have great suspicions about the originality and cleverness of that god, to have been so easily outwitted and outsmarted by its very own creation – us mere mortals. I would be highly suspicious of such a god and would more than likely conclude that it was a man-made imagination in the first place and not at all that very divine. I mean, would God still be that Almighty if mere mortals could totally understand and know everything about it/him/her/whatever? For me, my belief in God began years ago as a kid when I simply accepted the notion and existence of a higher power without question. My little mind could not comprehend the lack of one – not because I could prove it either (no-one can) but for selfish, parasitic reasons which I will explain further later on.

C.S. Lewis once wrote, “The humblest of us, in the state of Grace, can have some ‘knowledge-by-acquaintance’, some ‘tasting’ of Love Himself; but man even at his highest sanctity and intelligence has no direct ‘knowledge about’ the ultimate Being – only analogies. We cannot see light, though by light we can see things. Statements about God are extrapolations from the knowledge of other things which divine illumination enables us to know.” The Four Loves p152.

When I was at university doing my undergrad, a friend of mine who is now chasing twisters in Oklahoma (last I heard anyway), had become a Christian only a year or two prior to us meeting. When he confessed to me one time that he’d sometimes imagine God as a father figure tucking him into bed on some nights, I smiled because I thought that was a very cute image – for a 19- or 20-year-old guy – of being tucked into bed like a little boy. But I too understood where he was coming from. There is something very innately powerful and soothing I find for me about the concept of God as a Father, even if perplexing at times (especially concerning the notion of the 'Trinity' in Christian spirituality).

For me, my belief in God or in some higher being out there helped ease much of the loneliness I’d felt and provided a much-desired father figure role, albeit one I still couldn’t see and touch, but one whom at least I thought wasn’t emotionally distant. At least with this substitute father figure role, I got constantly told that he loved me and I could access him everywhere anytime. God was like a genie in the lamp for me. When I needed company or comforting, I would rub the lamp, and out he would come, to meet me. I told him elaborate stories and listened and watched for signs of his movement around me. And the best thing was he would never ignore my calls or reject me – “nothing could stop him from loving me”, was what they told me. And I eagerly clutched onto this too-good-to-be true benign being, God on tap, so to speak. Such was the understanding of a little boy’s mind.

Now, let me take you back to The Village again. Love eventually compels the lover of the dying person to brave the woods and seek medicine outside the village, inviting her own death by tempting the creatures they do not speak of. This act of courage was borne out of her sacrificial love (perhaps what CS Lewis would term as ‘Gift-Love’) and ‘Need-Love’ for the dying person. For she was certain that any hope in herself for living thereafter should her beloved die, would surely also be snuffed out. Love was the driving force behind her action.

As I sat there engrossed and caught up in the drama of watching the person fumbling fearfully through the woods (and yes, there is a twist to the story in the end but you can read the critics' reviews on that yourself), I realised how much love – to love and be loved – is a central part of human existence and how much of a compelling driving force it can be when harnessed or directed towards a cause or a goal. Hmm. No big revelation here, I guess.

But it did remind me why I haven’t yet thrown in the towel in regards to my commitment to Christian spirituality. That a god is powerful, sovereign, almighty, benevolent or angry is common enough a theme and notion. But to say God is Love and that God is and was the original source of Love itself, and that the whole story of creation and subsequent redemption of it (according to Christian spirituality) was done so out of Love and not out of necessity on God’s part (as CS Lewis suggests) is a wacky enough notion, one that I cannot to this day, brush aside without thinking there’s more to it than meets the eye.

CS Lewis writes, “We begin at the real beginning, with love as the Divine energy. This primal love is Gift-love. In God, there is no hunger that needs to be filled, only plenteousness that desires to give. The doctrine that God was under no necessity to create – the universe, the world, and mankind (italics mine) – is not a piece of dry scholastic speculation. It is essential. If I may dare the biological image, God is a ‘host’ who deliberately creates His own parasites; causes us to be that we may exploit and ‘take advantage’ of Him. Herein is love. This is the diagram of Love Himself, the inventor of all loves.” p154.

And for me, I cannot think of a better love story in history than that of the one who had willingly gone through the woods in order to bring back the medicine for a dying me. It is a story that has time and time again quelled the doubts that tell me it’s not worth giving my life back to Love in return. Anyhow, I hope it's not too confusing for y'all.

Click here for The Village on IMDB.

'The Village' - Rocking Chair

Love Comes Quickly

2004-08-31T23:59:00.000+10:00

Sooner or later
This happens to everyone
To everyone

You can live your life lonely
Heavy as stone
Live your life learning
But working alone
Say this is all you want
Well I don’t believe that it’s true
‘Cause when you least expect it
Waiting round the corner for you

Chorus
Love comes quickly whatever you do
You can’t stop falling in love

You can live a life of luxury
If that’s what you want
Taste forbidden pleasures
Whatever you want
You can fly away
To the end of the world
But where does it get you to
‘Cause just when you least expect it
Just what you least expect

Chorus

I know it sounds ridiculous
But speaking from experience
It may seem romantic
And that’s no defence
Love will always get to you

Pet Shop Boys - Chris Lowe and Neil Tennant

I first heard of Pet Shop Boys in 1988 when I was 10. It was at a school music camp, which is an irony, since I am the world’s most musically untalented person possible. I can’t play any instruments whatsoever, I can't sing, I can’t even read music notes or scores despite having had numerous lessons in it and I disappointed my high school music teachers who'd earmarked me for their special keyboard lessons, and then later, handbell lessons, thinking I had potential. They were so very wrong. Well, at least they showed some faith in me. Anyhow, we were divided up into groups at the music camp and each group was named after a pop group. I have poignant memories of the camp because it was the first time I’d been away from home and I’d begged my mother to allow me to go. My mother was very protective of me as a child and I ached to have been able to go to all those camps and do things like all the other boys were allowed to do – outdoors that is.

However, it wasn’t until I was in my early 20s that I rediscovered the Pet Shop Boys, or more like ‘really discovered’ them, I should say. I felt an immediate sense of affinity with many of their songs. Their lyrics were bittersweet, full of tension, melancholic and yet they were both depressing and not depressing to listen to at the same time – probably so given their upbeat tempo. I loved and still love their songs, given my own melancholic, manic-depressive nature (not). I just like being a drama king sometimes. But I couldn’t figure out the fuss over why they were seen as ‘gay’ music.

But gay music or not, music is pretty powerful stuff. Someone once said that the surest way to bring down a nation is through its music. If you can control the music the people listen to, you can control their minds. I can’t remember where I’d read that but I think it’d be fair to say that music is indeed powerful stuff – it can stir up all kinds of emotions in us – it draws out all that which is unsaid in our soul and puts it in sync with our heart and mind.

Pet Shop Boys

Love Comes Quickly was and still is among one of my favourite Pet Shop Boys song. I love its tinge of existential thoughtfulness coupled with its bittersweet portrayal of the realities of life. If you read the lyrics to this song, I think you’ll find there’s an element of truth in it about ‘falling in love’ or at least about being single and falling in love.

This is where I begin plagiarising Al Hsu’s work again. No, not really. I give him all the credit. I just think he’s written some fantastic stuff about singleness (although from a distinctively Christian perspective and aimed at those who’ve embraced Christian spirituality) and I want to share some more of his stuff here. He writes in The Single Issue (pp120-123),

Almost everybody grows up expecting to marry. From childhood, we start envisioning our future mate and dreaming about the future family. We live with the expectation of marriage. Because we plan on having a mate, not to have one implies a sense of loss and incompleteness, leading to feelings of loneliness and failure. But as adulthood continues, we encounter a transition time when we discover that our dreams may have been unrealistic.

“It is not wrong to hope for marriage or to recognise that marriage is a possibility for the future”, Gary Collins says, “but it is not healthy to build our lives around events that are uncertain. Instead, individuals, especially for Christians, must learn both to prepare for the future and to live fully in the present.”

We must recognise that some things in life are more important than whether or not we shall ever marry. We must face the fact that marriage may not be a possibility. When I come to this point I completely hand over my life to God, all my dreams, hopes and desires for a spouse, and tell him that my first priority will be to find my identity in Christ and him alone. This reckoning is a kairos moment – a significant moment in time in which I acknowledge that I am called to live my life fully for Christ regardless of my marital status or sexual orientation (italics mine).

If the desire to marry or couple up (italics mine) is overwhelming, if thoughts of marriage dominate our thinking, and if every person…is viewed as a potential partner, then the desire for marriage has become idolatrous. It is almost a lust for marriage, not unlike a lust for sex. I once read about a man who complained that single women he met stared at his bare ring finger the way men might stare at a woman’s breasts. Much like being seen as a sex object, he felt as if he was being viewed as a ‘marriage object’.

Richard Foster calls this kind of ‘reckoning’ – this living sacrifice experience ‘relinquishment’. The way of relinquishment is the movement from ‘my will be done’ to ‘not my will, but yours’. This process involves struggle, because it is difficult to give up those desires and dreams that are so dear to us. But this is just the process. Foster says, “Struggle is important because the Prayer of Relinquishment is Christian prayer and not fatalism. We do not resign ourselves to fate… We are not locked into a preset, determinist future. Ours is an open, not a closed universe. We are ‘co-labourers with God’, as the apostle Paul put it – working with God to determine the outcome of events. Therefore our prayer efforts are a genuine give and take, a true dialogue with God – and a true struggle.”

Reckoning and relinquishment do not mean that we lose all that we have ever hoped for in life. Foster reminds us, “We are dealing with crucifixion of the will, not the obliteration of the will. Crucifixion always has resurrection tied to it.” Death is a central theme in Christian theology only because it prepares the way for the glory of the resurrection. God allows us to continue living after the reckoning point because people who are fully committed to him can be the most productive for the cause of Christ.

But relinquishment is not a state at which we arrive suddenly, nor once and for all. It is a slow pilgrimage, and there are many stumblings and bruisings along the way. And such a reckoning isn’t only for singles. All followers of Jesus (words mine), regardless of their marital or relationship status (italics mine) need to come to the point where they place God as the top priority in their lives.

The late Walter Trobisch wisely wrote, “The art of giving up, of renouncing, is also the secret of happiness in a person’s life. To give up one’s self is as important for a single person as it is for one who is married. Those who learn this art will never be lonesome, even if they are single. Those who don’t will always be lonesome, even though they are married.”

Yes, it may be true that “love comes quickly whatever you do” and that “you just can’t stop falling in love”. And if and when that happens to me again, I sure hope I’ll remember to hold on tight during the roller coaster ride.

The Beauty Myth

2004-08-15T03:46:00.000+10:00

Source: www.deanmorriscards.co.uk

When a couple of colleagues and I caught up for lunch in St Kilda one sunny winter afternoon several weeks back, we came across a series of cards in a shop on Acland Street. My colleague actually spotted them first and when I was shown them, I too had a chuckle. Before long, I found myself searching for the other cards on the rack and was chuckling hard at some of the other ones there as well.

The card I saw is the one above. I don’t know if people would find it funny but I certainly found it humorous. But underlying its humour and the card designer’s ability to make fun of his family (the photos on the cards were gleaned from family photo albums) is a rather unfortunate reality in life, a reality that often values the external and temporary over above what is inside a person and that which is eternal, a reality that has the potential to ‘elevate’ some while ‘crushing’ others simply based on their physical appearances.

I’m talking about physical beauty and looks. I got into a discussion with a mate of mine recently about physical appearances and looks when I gave him a lift home. He made a rather forthright comment about how he thought it was a load of bull when the Church teaches that looks aren’t important. I replied that that was true in a way: that looks aren’t indeed that important when viewed in light of eternity when our lives on earth are over, to which he replied something to the effect of, “But we live in the present.”

As I drove away from my friend’s place after dropping him off, what he said kept ringing in my ears for the rest of that week.

But as I searched through the Bible, what became evident to me was that there were people who were known for their beauty and attractiveness. King David of ancient Israel saw how very beautiful Bathsheba was and lusted after her and eventually plotted to have her husband murdered so that he could marry her (2 Samuel 11:1-26). The two lovers in the Song of Songs (a book in the Bible) spoke of each other’s physical features so passionately and sensually that reading it would make some of us blush. Queen Esther of ancient Persia who saved the exiled Jews in Persia from annihilation was noted for her beauty “in form and features” (Esther 1: 7).

While what constitutes ‘beauty’ can and does vary from culture to culture, studies have shown that even babies tend to look at or stare longer at photographs of people deemed also as ‘attractive’ by adults themselves than they would at photographs of ‘not-so-attractive-looking’ people.

Similarly, there is no denying that physical attributes certainly do often play a role in producing the spark that causes two people to become attracted to each other too in many cases (though not all – I have known a couple where one thought of the other as terribly unattractive when they first saw each other).

So it seems like looks are important. But where the problem lies then, I think, is to what extent do we value, elevate and perhaps even idolise beauty (in the form of ‘looks’) in people? I don’t have a problem when I see a beautiful woman or a good-looking man and calling it like it is. But beauty and good looks in themselves do not necessarily constitute value, self-worth or even dignity. I think we all know that deep down but yet, so often, I still get sucked into thinking that if only I looked this way or that way, I would be happier. But that’s when I could not be further from the real truth.

We give beauty and good looks value only to the extent that we allow ourselves to believe that that is what gives an individual worth, dignity and value and forget that they are valuable instead because they are made in the image of the Creator. It is one thing to see that a person has been blessed with good looks, it is quite another to believe that they are more worthy of our time than say a person with a cleft lip.

John Merrick (1862 - 1890)

This then brings to my mind the story of John (Joseph) Merrick, or more commonly known to most people as the ‘Elephant Man’. Philip Yancey talks about John Merrick extensively in a chapter in his book, Rumours of Another World. What I read about John Merrick moved me immensely and I want to share in detail, albeit by paraphrasing, what Yancey’s written in his book about him. Yancey considers Merrick to have been possibly one of the ugliest humans to have ever lived; having had a disorder called neurofibromatosis that gradually turned him into a human freak from the earliest years of childhood.

At a young age, he was abandoned by his family and sent away. At fourteen, a carnival showman found him and used him for making money by making him into a freak show. People would pay a few pennies to look and gawk at him in his cage until one day, a London surgeon by the name of Frederick Treves, decided to take a peek.

He saw a creature huddled next to a Bunsen burner for warmth, lit by the faint blue light of the gas jet. And as if giving orders to a dog, the showman yelled, "Stand up!" The creature arose and let the blanket fall to the ground, revealing to Treves “the most disgusting specimen of humanity that I have ever seen." p192

Not only was he visually repulsive, a sickening stench emanated from the fungous skin growths on Merrick as well. And so, Dr Treves arranged to have John Merrick examined in his hospital but because of mouth deformities, he spoke in unintelligible mutters and Treves erroneously judged him an imbecile. Treves gave Merrick his card and returned him to the showman. The carnival was raided the next day and Treves assumed he would never see Merrick again. And so, for two more years, John Merrick lived the life of an outcast, housed like a circus animal. When Belgian authorities shut down the carnival for good, Merrick was shipped back to London by his keeper.

Passengers tormented him throughout the journey to London until he was rescued by policemen upon arrival. Taken to an unused waiting room where he sank into a heap in a dark corner, he had only one ray of hope – the card of Dr Treves, which he had kept in a pocket for two years.

Treves responded to the police summons and found Merrick huddled whimpering in a corner and took him back to the hospital. Merrick had had nothing to eat or drink since leaving Belgium and Treves ordered some food from the hospital cafeteria. But the nurse who delivered it, unprepared for such a sight, screamed, dropped the tray and fled from the room.

Over time, the hospital staff got used to Merrick and daily baths eliminated the stench. With practise, Treves learned to understand Merrick’s speech and found much to his surprise that Merrick was actually literate and was in fact a voracious reader. He’d studied the Bible, the Book of Common Prayer and knew the works of both Shakespeare and Jane Austen.

And it mystified Treves that someone like Merrick, robbed of childhood, treated like a wild beast, exploited, with not a single memory of pleasure, a creature reviled and void of hope, could survive and yet still emerge with such an agreeable disposition. Of Merrick, Treves said he was gentle, affectionate and lovable, without a grievance and without an unkind word for anyone. Neither did he complain nor deplore his ruined life or resent the treatment he’d suffered at the hands of his keepers.

At first, Merrick meekly inquired whether he could enter an asylum for the blind as he’d read about such places and longed to live among people who could not stare at him. But gradually Treves and the hospital staff earned his trust and a hospital attic room became the Elephant Man’s home.

Merrick had owned little if any possessions and spoke adoringly of women, even though every woman had treated him with scorn and as an object of loathing. But Treves persuaded a young and pretty widow friend of his to meet Merrick and to treat him as a human being. And she did just that, smiling at him, wishing him good morning and shaking his hand. The effect that had on Merrick wasn’t quite what Treves had expected. As Merrick let go of her hand, he bent his head on his knees and sobbed until Treves thought he would never cease. Merrick told Treves later that that was the first woman who had ever smiled at him, the first woman, in the whole of his life who had shaken hands with him.

And from that day on, Merrick began to slowly transform, from a hunted freak show animal into a man. Treves gradually also introduced him to other pleasures of life from theatre plays to trips to the countryside.

After four years of happiness, the only happiness Merrick had ever known, he died in his sleep in 1890 aged 27. The few scraps of writing Merrick left behind showed that he managed to find deep solace in his faith, a faith that gathers together outcasts. And all those who had met Merrick went away marvelled that such a pure and gentle soul and such a heart could live inside that hideous exterior.

For Philip Yancey and also for me, the Elephant Man is an example of the divide between winners and losers. As Yancey puts it

"The beautiful have always enjoyed rewards beyond the reach of the ugly, the strong have always dominated the weak; a small number of rich have always lived at the expense of the poor. But (italics mine) against that reality, God’s kingdom flies a flag of divine opposition." p197

Are looks important? Yes, I guess looks are important to a certain extent in the present moment. But as another friend also reminded me, "Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder." And I still strongly believe that the level of importance we give to looks and physical beauty ought to be always held in check and in perspective by a bigger picture of God’s kingdom, one that places value and worth not in one’s exterior but on things unseen. Yancey says

"With gratitude, I accept the beauty of supermodels as one of (italics mine) God’s gifts. God is, after all, the creator and sustainer of all good things on this earth. At the same time, I ask that my eyes be opened to a different kind of beauty, one that lies beneath the surface, as manifest in the Elephant Man." p200

And, oh, my colleagues and I ended buying the above card for my manager’s birthday. She, too, chuckled when she saw it.

My Alternative Lifestyle

2004-08-07T12:16:00.000+10:00

It's a love that has wings, a countercultural calling that turns restraint into liberation. Ron Belgau.

My eyebrows furrowed with curiosity when I saw the article’s title (see above). It certainly caught my attention. Never mind the fact that the article was written by someone I know, which was why I wanted to read it in the first place, but the title certainly piqued my curiosity even further.

Ron Belgau, my friend who wrote it, hardly seemed to me in my mind the kind of person you’d associate with those living an ‘alternative’ lifestyle. Ron – alternative? Is the Pope a Mormon? But of course, that depends on what your notion of an ‘alternative’ lifestyle is.

Also published in a print version of the Notre Dame Magazine in the USA, the article is essentially about his story, albeit briefly: about his love of planes, of flying and anything aeronautical, about two of his friends – one current, one in the distant past, about his journey from being a non-Catholic making fun of Catholic sexual ethics and a hopeful gay rights activist to instead, a practising Catholic, from being someone who was falling for another guy yet again for the umpteenth time into someone who is committed to a somewhat ‘unpopular’ and ‘non-mainstream’ way of life. As Ron writes of himself during his younger years -

“An educated, postmodern person would no more become a Catholic than he would join the Flat Earth Society.”

But, as Ron puts it, "God has a way of throwing curveballs" - because he has since gone from being a non-Catholic to a practising one.

Ron and Mark doing pre-flight checks

Ron begins his story in My Alternative Lifestyle with him doing the pre-flight checks on a Cessna. And I am pleased to post the above photo taken of Ron and Mark doing exactly just that, when they took me on an island-hopping trip (well, intra-island, in any case, from memory) around the San Juan Islands when I visited Ron in the USA last year.

I’ve been on helicopters, Cessnas, Fokkers, Airbus planes, and Boeing planes of all varied shapes and sizes just to name a few. And you’d think I’d be used to flying. And in a way, I am used to flying. And I don’t mind it at all and I do enjoy flying so long as I don’t get queasy or airsick, which, unfortunately, I did, during the flight to the San Juan Islands. But that is another story which doesn’t need telling.

Without further ado, click here to take you to Ron Belgau’s article My Alternative Lifestyle if you're interested in finding out more about his story.

Because It Did Not Find A Mate

2004-07-24T18:21:00.000+10:00

Dag Hammarskjöld (1905 - 1961)

Because it did not find a mate
they called
the unicorn perverted.

Dag Hammarskjöld
Former Secretary-General of UN
Awarded Nobel Peace Prize posthumously in 1961

(Hammarskjöld was himself single and never married.)

It’s uncanny sometimes when a particular ‘theme’ or ‘subject matter’ seems to recur in one’s life within a period of a short time. On Monday, I received a letter from a male friend in Scotland. On Tuesday, I received an email from a female friend in Melbourne. On Thursday, I caught up with a male friend whom I hadn’t seen for a while. All three are single. All three wrote, said or raised the subject of relationships or about being single.

Statistics have showed that men who are married generally have longer life expectancies than single men. Tax concessions generally benefit family units and couples rather than single individuals. Accommodation rates and travel packages are usually based on twin share. Everything in our society seems to be geared towards the couple and families. Some churches (particularly those of the Prostestant denominations) also either erroneously endorse the non-biblical suburban ‘nuclear’ family unit as a traditional, normative and only legitimate expression of Christian living or else elevate married people and familes to a status above that of singleness. So much so that sometimes one might feel that unless you are heading towards marriage and eventually setting up your own family, you are somewhat deemed as “not quite there yet” in life, or are somewhat less of a person.

But of course, it’s not just the Church. More often than not, it’s a conglomerate of familial, cultural and societal expectations that also put that pressure on singles to find the right one and couple up. Popular mass culture pervades our sensibilities and tells us what we ought to be, who and what’s desirable, who and what’s not desirable, and how and where we should derive our sense of happiness, self-worth and pleasure from. And though recognising it for what it is, I nevertheless often fall for the untruthfulness of what will supposedly bring me happiness – a sexual, romantic relationship.

But is that really the case? As a Christian, is the family in the form of a ‘nuclear unit’ really that biblical? Is couple-hood really what God wants for each and every single one of us? What about those cannot hold down a relationship or who are unable to marry, for one reason or another, be it a severe physical, mental or intellectual disability? Are they less of a person because they aren’t in a relationship? An increasing number of people in our society these days are single and probably will remain single for the majority of their lives, whether volitionally or non-volitionally. And there are numerous complex reasons for the current demographic shift in the large number of single people in our society.

But I think it would be fair to say that the majority of singles are what we could call ‘temporary’ or ‘transitional’ singles. That is, never married (or partnered), but fully expecting to marry (or be in a long-term relationship) one day and on the lookout, either consciously or unconsciously, for a partner but not having found the right person yet. Then there are those, according to author Al Hsu, who are the ‘disillusioned’ singles, those who have unwillingly resigned themselves to the single life with a sense of defeat or hopelessness and bitterness. Hopefully, God forbid I ever fall into a permanent state of being a ‘disillusioned’ single myself! Admittedly, disillusionment in the short term, however, can act as a helpful catalyst to sort out one’s expectations (realistic or otherwise) of what one is looking for in a partner or in relationships.

So, is there an alternate perspective to all this? As a single Christian man, I reckon there is.

For me, I look to Jesus and saw that he gave dignity, self-worth and liberation to those who were single (for whatever reasons) during his time. He was born into a Jewish culture that emphasised the importance of marriage and of providing heirs to carry the family name. Yet, he shattered their worldview. He taught that marriage is not an eternal state (Matthew 22:30), that marriage is an institution of this world but is unnecessary in God’s kingdom. Jesus’ teaching was so radical that he even said that following him could even come between husband and wife (Luke 18:29). While he wasn’t advocating a lesser status of marriage or abandoning the concept of marriage as such, he made it clear that following him was more important that even the dearest of human relationships. He also said that some people will never be married for whatever reason it may be, whether volitionally or non-volitionally (Matthew 19:12) and while the biological family, though still just as important, is temporary in nature (in light of eternity). Jesus himself challenged the status quo and created a new ‘family’ – the church – in his disciples and all those who would follow him, a family that would endure for eternity. It was this new priority Jesus put to people that gave new value to the single person.

Al Hsu suggests that according to the New Testament, Jesus himself quoted that the highest love is not the love between sexual partners (however intoxicating and wonderful that may be) but the love between friends. “Greater love has no one than this; that he lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15: 13) Incidentally, this verse is also inscribed on the plaque at the Shrine of Remembrance (a war memorial) in Melbourne. And so, friendship it seems, is the highest virtue, not romance the way our culture has idolised it. This is not to say (I am open to correction, though) that ‘friendship’ can’t be applicable to marriage partners, but what I think it does say is that romanticism and romantic sexual love (eros) definitely has been overrated and is not the highest virtue as one might be led to believe.

God may have very well said that it is not good for the man to be alone when he first created mankind according to the biblical account (Genesis 2:18). But he never said it is not good for the man to be unmarried (or unpartnered). Rather, as author Al Hsu points out, it is aloneness which is what isn't good here, not the lack of a partner or spouse. God created us as social beings built for relationships, yes, but that does not mean that deep and meaningful life-giving relationships are restricted to only those that occur within marriage or within the context of a romantic relationship.

I believe that the Christian scriptures actually sees both states of being (singleness or marriage) as being equal and being neither superior nor inferior to each other. They are both ‘gifts’ of equal value. Al Hsu writes (with the Christian in mind), “If the opportunity should come for you to exchange the gift of singleness for the gift of marriage, then feel free to do so. But your ultimate priority is not whether or not you will marry; in either state, your ultimate concern is serving God.” Because marriage and singleness are equal gifts, both states have their joys and their own problems.

So what then? Well, I think singleness in itself does not determine a particular life that one would end up leading. It need not mean a life of loneliness. But neither does singleness in itself make one into a self-less, virtuous, better person either. More significantly, it’s our attitude towards being single, where we derive our sense of identity and self-worth and how we choose to live as singles, ‘transitory’ or otherwise, that matters.

And so, in the words of Al Hsu, author of The Single Issue, “It is entirely possible to live a complete life as a single person as long as one lives in the context of a community of good friendships and relationships.” The challenge therefore, then, according to psychologist Paul Tournier is this, “To make a success of one’s marriage if one does marry, and to make a success of the single life if one does not. Each is as difficult as the other.” (From The Single Issue, p65)

She Won't Be Jealous

2004-07-10T15:07:00.000+10:00

I woke up the other morning earlier this week and as I laid in bed on my side with my eyes open, I felt an intense love gradually invade my body, as if it were hovering above my body only moments earlier waiting for me to arouse from my sleep. I closed my eyes again, welcoming his love, and sharing some of my thoughts with him with each of my heartbeat. It’s not often that I experience God so tenderly (or seductively, I must say) whilst in bed but when it does happen, I am deeply grateful. It was a very private moment and I had reservations about whether to include it in this post. But bear with me while I tease it out a bit. Now, just think of the last time you were around someone you loved deeply, be it a partner, spouse, family member or even a close mate - someone whom you feel deeply connected with - and let me just qualify that I don’t necessarily mean love in the erotic sense! Hopefully that will help you relate to the experience I just shared earlier.

This morning, I woke up again (obviously) and I read about this person’s story in a Christian devotional material. It was about his wife passing away and then him later remarrying his best friend’s widow. He was a lecturer at a Bible college and one of his students came up to him and asked him if he thought his first wife would know about his second marriage to another woman and what his wife’s reactions would be when they eventually met up again in heaven. The professor smiled and said, “Of course she will, and because she will be perfect, she will not be jealous. Even though we will not live as marriage partners, I believe we will know each other. We will all be the best of friends forever.”

In Mark 12, we read about the account of Jesus who had to deal with some of the religious leaders who wanted to trap him and so made up a story about a woman whose husband had died and left no son. According to Jewish law, they said, the deceased’s brother would have to marry the widow and have children for his brother (Mark 12:19). But the problem was each of the seven brothers of this woman’s first husband also died successively after marrying her. The question they then posed to Jesus was: Whose wife would she be when they’re all together before God one day since she was married to all of them?

Jesus then answered them, “Are you not in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God? When the dead rise, they will neither marry or be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.” (Mark 12:24-25) Now, I particularly like the way The Message paraphrases the last bit of the same verse – “As it is with angels now, all our ecstasies and intimacies then will be with God.” In other words, Jesus was saying that these religious leaders neither understood the Scriptures nor God’s power to raise the dead to a glorious new existence without marriage.

I get excited when I think of the new way we will be one day when we are before God. We will be perfect and will have feelings of being intimately connected with one another without the crap that sometimes affects the way we relate to other people now. We will love perfectly and enjoy complete healing from all the insecurities, hurts and fears of our earthly relationships. And it’s no wonder marriage will be rendered ‘unnecessary’ when one day when we’re in the presence of God because all things will be made whole through him.

Don’t get me wrong, though, I’m not advocating an easy form of escapism through Christianity. But I think it’s just a case of God saying to me, “If you think your relationships now on earth are good and wonderful (or bad for some of us), think again. It will blow your mind when you realise what you’re in for one day when your life here on earth finally ceases. All your tears will be wiped away and then, what an eternity of orgasmic (I was going to write ‘orgiastic’ but then I looked up my Macquarie Dictionary and found out that it had a very different meaning to what I intended, so it’s ‘orgasmic’ not ‘orgiastic’), deep and intimate communion with all your loved ones and with me, your Creator, will that be?!”

Now, that was one hell of a morning I woke up to today.

Shane Crawford: Exposed

2004-07-09T02:04:00.000+10:00

Photo Source: Hawthorn Football Club

In an interview recently with Roland Rocchiccioli in Melbourne Weekly Magazine, AFL Hawthorn Football Club Captain Shane Crawford set tongues wagging again about his sexuality. Now, most of you will know that I am hardly the stereotypical Aussie footy fan who worships his footy religiously. Never mind the fact that I also don’t barrack for the Hawks (Carn the Cats!) and probably wouldn’t be able to tell you who’s who in footy. So what’s this, you ask, Andrew posting something about some footy player? Well, it’s neither the football nor the footy player that I’m interested in. It’s his sexuality that has piqued my interest. More specifically, it’s the way he’s gone on about his sexuality that’s piqued my interest. To be quite honest, it wouldn’t interest me the least bit which side of the team Shane Crawford batted for, or whether he batted for both!

When Roland asked about his sexuality, he said, “You never know - you just never know.” “I can't say one way or the other because it mightn't be the case. A couple of years down the track I might just say, 'Right, I'm going to have a go at this'.” And in the Shane Crawford: Exposed documentary that nearly didn’t go on air on Channel Nine on Wednesday night, Shane candidly shared that when he and his girlfriend Olivia broke up and Olivia asked him if it was because he was gay, he had to reassure her that he wasn’t but also said that it wasn’t out of the question.

Now, you seriously didn’t believe I’d write an entire post about Shane Crawford’s sexuality, did you? Well, the ambiguity about his sexuality actually made me think of another woman’s story that I came across some time ago on Sed Contra. It was aptly entitled ‘Self-Defined Lesbian Shaken by Sudden Heterosexuality’. I mean, these days, we are increasingly confronted by stories or rumours of ‘straight’ celebrities, friends and relatives being gay. And we often applaud their courage in coming out of the closet and offer our sympathetic ears to listen to the struggles that they’ve had to go through. But yet what happens when gay people ‘discover’ that they are perhaps more straight than gay? Hmm. But back to this self-proclaimed ‘devout lesbian’ who was shaken by her sudden heterosexuality.

She wrote to the Washington Blade, a self-defined gay newspaper, asking for advice: “I was a devout lesbian for two decades and, basically, still consider myself to be a dyke. I never thought I’d consider dating a man again, and am shocked to find myself in love with one. I won’t bore you with the details, but earlier this year, my now-deceased collie had numerous health problems, and I fell for her very kind male veterinarian. My life now feels like a made-for-TV movie. All of my friends and family are angry and disappointed with me - even my mother, who begged me to “try to change” when I came out to her (as a lesbian) 20 years ago. I still feel like the same person. In fact, I’m mostly attracted to women, not men. I just happened to meet the one man in the world who’s an exception for me. My friends tell me that I can’t call myself a lesbian anymore. They’ve even suggested that I might prefer to watch “The B-Word,” but I don’t feel particularly bisexual. What do you think?”

Then there was this other story which appeared in Gay City News in early 2003 (Read article here). David Bianco, a gay man and founder of Q Syndicate – the company that provides more content to the gay press than anyone (or so the article claims) – caused a sensation when he ‘came out’ and announced that for Jewish religious reasons he would change the way he was going to express his sexuality – to the point where he hopes, “God willing”, to one day start a family with a woman. When asked if that meant he was now bisexual, he replied, “I no longer identify as gay because it doesn’t feel like the label that best describes me. I’ll take ‘bisexual’ if I have to have a label. I’d just as soon do without one.”

These people's stories remind me that sexuality isn’t always necessarily a neat ‘either/or’ category. And that people’s sexuality and sexual identities don’t always fit nicely and neatly into the categories that the general society and, indeed, also those within the Church, would like to box people into.

Kinsey’s Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale, for example, proposes that human sexuality is more of a continuum rather than a dichotomy, with a person who has exclusively heterosexual desires and attractions scoring a 0 and someone with exclusively homosexual desires and attractions scoring a 6. The majority of the population would therefore, as one would infer from this continuum model, fall towards the ‘exclusively heterosexual’ end of the scale, and with smaller percentages of the population falling either around the ‘exclusively homosexual’ end and/or around the middle bands.

In the book ‘Dual Attraction: Understanding Bisexuality’, the authors Martin Weinberg, Colin Williams and Douglas Pryor argue that “sexual identity is not set in stone; that because patterns of sexual behaviour evolve according to personal circumstances, our sexual identity may not remain fixed throughout our lives. The focus of our desire may change, and these variations can be considered simply part of the complex continuum of human sexual response.” They also argue that “all people initially learn the desirable aspects of both genders and can produce gendered pleasure in both directions.” In other words, what they’re suggesting is that humans are born not hardwired with a specific sexuality but with the potential to go either way.

Now, don’t get me wrong, though. Let me explain that this doesn’t mean that I don’t believe God was involved in the engineering and choreographing of human sexuality in the beginning. On the contrary, as a Christian, I believe he was intimately involved in our creation. I also believe that he knew exactly what he was doing when he created the two genders, male and female, and decreed in his original blueprint that these two shall become as one flesh. At the same time, I also believe that even though God hasn’t thrown out his original blueprint, he nevertheless knows fully well that we are also a product of our genes, environment, and experiences and that he is nonetheless able and willing to meet us all in whichever state we end up finding ourselves in - and that he has a special place in his heart for all those who do not belong or fit into the ‘norms’ of society.

And as for Shane Crawford, I think he finally bowed to pressure to end the speculation and confirmed in the tabloids the other day that he wasn’t gay (Read article here).

As Nature Made Him

2004-06-27T01:04:00.000+10:00

David Reimer (1965 - 2004)

I stumbled across news of David Reimer’s suicide (Read full CBC News article here) on the Internet by accident when I was surfing the web this week and it both shocked and saddened me when I read of his passing away last month. He was 38.

Some of you, I know, will know who I am talking about, Reimer being a case study that has been (and unfortunately) studied and circulated among the psych and medical circle for many years and again when he came public with his story in 2000. For those of you who haven’t heard of David Reimer, he was the boy who got surgically reassigned as a female after a botched circumcision (using an unconventional method of circumcision) in the late 1960s left him with such a severely burned penis that it was surgically irreparable.

Left with a baby boy with testicles but no penis, his parents didn’t know what to do. They eventually happened to come across Dr John Money’s theories on sex and gender that it was nurture and not nature that determined a child’s gender, and that boys – when intercepted early enough – could be raised as girls, decided to investigate the option of raising David (or Bruce as he was originally named) as a girl. After considering the options, they decided it was better to raise Bruce as a girl and so, a few months before his second birthday, Bruce had his testicles removed and they took him home as a girl, and renamed him as Brenda.

Originally pronouncing the gender reassignment a success by Dr Money in an article published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour and known in the medical circle as the Joan/John case, the experiment starting coming undone when Bruce hit puberty and he found out about the truth of the botched circumcision. He attempted suicide three times, with the third attempt leaving him in a coma. But he eventually recovered, cut his hair, ditched his female clothing, renamed himself as David and aimed to live as normally as possible as a man, later marrying a woman. He eventually went public with his story in the book As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl by John Colapinto, and in it, revealed his story of a childhood filled with confusion, misery and humiliation.

I couldn’t but help ponder about the tragedy of it all. I am saddened by his death – and of his twin brother’s death two years earlier as well. And I can only say a prayer for David as I type this – a man who lived, in my opinion, an extremely courageous life in circumstances that I cannot even begin to envisage myself in.

A Grassroots Gathering

2004-06-24T01:27:00.000+10:00

I managed to find and turn up at this stranger’s house tonight having been told only the street name, no house number and that it had a tall gum tree in the front yard. I’d been invited to the second informal gathering of a group of Christians in their 20s (and possibly 30s) who want to do more in their lives to address issues relating to poverty and how it relates to their Christian faith.

I was the first to rock up and was greeted by the owner of the house and his university-aged son and Georgie their dog. Before long, other people started turning up. We went around the room and introduced ourselves. There were occupational therapists, law students, a plumber, fashion design student, an arts student, horticultural landscaper, speech pathologist and also a handful employed in the human services and mental health areas and also with youths. Oh, and, of course, a TV captioner too.

I wasn’t exactly sure what I was getting myself into when I rocked up there tonight. I didn’t know anything about it other that it would be a night where some people come together on a very grassroots level to discuss about their thoughts and experiences on poverty and, in turn, on other related social justice issues and how that intersects with their faith. I will confess, however, that I have never been passionate about social justice issues and I also want to stress that it was NOT a social justice gathering tonight that I’d attended. And there was a consensus among us there tonight; we all felt it wasn’t a social justice gathering that we were coming to but rather something on how our common Christian faith intersected this issue. I went because I was curious to find out what other people feeling the same tension that I do about the poor and marginalised have to say.

The night was initiated and organised by two guys who’d gone on a TEAR Australia trip to India last summer and it was held in the house of one of the TEAR staff members. Commenting on the TEAR trip program, the staff member said that the purpose of those trips were to enable Christians particularly in our age group to go there and lose their (Christian) faith in order to find it again. I couldn’t help but break into a smile when I heard him say that.

The purpose of those trips, he said, was to enable these Christians to experience their Christian faith in a context that is so different to that which they’ve been brought up in and in staring at poverty in the face, challenge and ask themselves just exactly what it is that they believe in, what is important and what isn’t important and exactly how their faith can be integrated into the world around us. To strip their faith bare to the core and then rediscover it for themselves.

The premise underpinning the whole reason for gathering tonight was, without a doubt, God’s commandment to love our neighbour. And that encompasses looking out for the poor and bringing justice to where there is injustice. The convenor of the group threw out a question for us all to think – “What is the kingdom of God? What does it look like?” If we can answer that and if we can grasp the vision of what God’s kingdom looks like, then we can work towards it. God’s kingdom is not just solely the heaven that we get to when we die, it’s the here and now. And the kingdom of God that Jesus speaks of is already here and is in the present.

As the night progressed, people shared their various thoughts and experiences, including the tensions and dilemmas they had and the questions. Thoughts and issues we touched on briefly ranged from inequities of wealth in the world, the complexities of the multilayered aspects of poverty, of supply and demand, of God’s commandment to love your neighbour and what that meant, to issues of recycling, of being aware of how much we consume and what we consume, of sustainable energy resources, and materialism and consumer culture not only amongst the Christians of the developed nations but even also among the Christians of the developing countries.

Steve, the TEAR Australia staff member shared about how he bought a shirt on one occasion when he was in the US. Upon his return to Australia, he looked at the label and realised that it was actually made in Bangladesh and quite possibly by some poor person who was paid peanuts for making the shirt while the multinational pocketed the majority of the profit. However, on a recent trip to Bangladesh, he ended up meeting people there in aid programs that were equipping them with sewing skills in order to gain employment in those very same clothing factories! The pay may appear to be peanuts to us by our standards, but to these people, he said, the pay that they were earning at the clothing factory was far greater than what they would have otherwise been earning. One good thing about multinationals in developed countries, he continued, was that they are very susceptible to community pressure. And he encouraged us to exert pressure on multinationals to improve their act because when multinationals improve their work and pay conditions in countries like Bangladesh, other companies will eventually be pressured to follow suit in order to attract workers to work for them.

Warnings against becoming overly focused on the practicalities of social justice and losing our focus – God – was also pointed out. And even poor old Maslow’s hierarchy of needs got dragged into the discussion as well, somewhere during the night.

The night eventually ended with a consensus to meet up again on a regular monthly basis and to start addressing specific areas of concern for discussion in future meetings. As I walked to my car, I felt encouraged knowing that there were other Christians of my age out there with a similar burden. Incidentally, I'll be attending the UNOH Conference on the poor and marginalised this Saturday at the Swanston Street Church of Christ. And I am looking forward to meeting other Christians with this same tension in their lives and burden on their hearts.

Gay Marriages

2004-06-23T01:41:00.000+10:00

Steve, a good mate of mine, rang me over the weekend and asked me if I’d seen the article by Dr Muriel Porter in The Age on June 14. I said I had but I hadn’t given it much thought since reading it until going over it again with him over the phone. In it, Dr Porter suggests that denying public recognition to long-term gay relationships simply promotes homophobia. I told him to wait while I went to get the newspaper clipping from my filing cabinet, only to return empty-handed. Clipping-less, Steve went on to read out an excerpt of it over the phone to me.

“The same people who want to deny gay couples any vestige of formal recognition for their union, are also the first to denounce the stereotypical gay lifestyle. They deplore the promiscuity presumed to be part and parcel of the world of gay bars and saunas.

“If gay people are denied proper public recognition of their partnerships, they are left with little other than the lifestyle offered by the gay community, which inevitably leaves them in a kind of shadowland. To the wider community, the myth of gay relationships as invariably short-lived and somehow degenerate, remains unchallenged.”

I responded with a sigh, one coupled with both frustration and a sense of weariness at the same time. The issue of homosexuality within the Church has always been like a bit of a Molotov cocktail to me, potentially highly explosive and volatile depending on who you talk to within the Christian community but yet also emotionally heart-wrenching, and sometimes, plain wearisome. These days, I think I’d much rather have a cocktail drink instead.

Dr Muriel Porter’s article, in my opinion, blurrs the boundary between Church and State. Generally speaking, I’m a believer in the separation of Church and State, with the Church acting more as a conscience to the State and to its people. However, any discussion of same-sex issues or same-sex marriage in this case, always inevitably leads to a plethora of other related issues - from semantics on the term ‘marriage’ to religious and social arguments for and against same-sex marriage and even queer politics. And I don’t intend to do quite just that, not in this post anyway.

But in that regard, concerning the separation of Church and State, political divisions, political debates and "wedge politics" over same-sex marriage should be understood for what they are, distinctively separate from the Church’s division, disagreements (or agreements, for that matter) on the same issue. The former approaches the subject with the concerns of the State behind it, and what they, the representatives of the State, feel ought to be in the best interests for its citizens. The latter approaches it more so with the concerns for the spiritual and moral well-being of its believers, and rightly or wrongly, also in the best interests of its believers and humanity at large.

Given that long-term de facto heterosexual relationships already receive some level of recognition by the State and also enjoy, to a certain degree, a level of legitimate status by the majority of society, it doesn’t make a strong case, in my opinion, to argue that denying formal public recognition to long-term same-sex relationships in the form of ‘marriage’ amounts to outright discrimination or homophobia. Just as two people in a cohabiting de facto relationship aren’t considered by most people to be ‘married’, it doesn’t mean that people therefore see either partner as being less significant or “relatively unimportant” to the other partner in the event of say, a crisis or death. One can still afford dignity and respect to individuals in a de facto relationship without necessarily calling them a ‘married’ couple or calling their lifestyle arrangement ‘marriage’ per se. And in some cases, some of these people are precisely in a de facto relationship because they have chosen not to get married.

Dr Porter also fails to mention that even within the gay community, there are differing views on same-sex marriage, with some even strongly opposed to the concept of same-sex marriage. For them, they see marriage as a heterosexual institution and they would want to have nothing to do with it. Then, there are also those who would like their relationships to be recognised by the State and Church as marriage. To assume that the gay community is united and is heading towards one similar direction on this issue would be nothing further from the truth.

This then brings me back to my original point about separating Church and State. Just exactly from who are those gay couples seeking recognition for ‘same-sex marriage’? From the State? From the Church? From society? From everyone? Is it mainly for the economic, taxation and superannuation benefits? The social recognition? Or is it for the formal legal recognition on paper? Or everything I’ve just mentioned? Quite frankly, I suspect that most people would agree that societal recognition of gay couples (at least in most Western countries) has long been accorded, even if informally and not institutionally enshrined as such. If it is a change in the taxation and superannuation benefits that they want (among other things), then I say, rightly seek that from the State.

Dr Porter’s suggestion that denying proper public recognition of same-sex partnerships leaves gay people with little options other than the lifestyles offered by the gay community - presumably those that are short-lived and somehow degenerate - is questionable. Same-sex couples like the late Australian author Patrick White (1912 - 1990) and his partner Manoly Lascaris (1912 - 2003) attest to the fact that long-term same-sex relationships are possible with or without being accorded ‘marriage’ status to it.

Taking Dr Porter’s suggestion, one would assume that in cities with large gay populations, like San Francisco, where there is a greater public acceptance and recognition of homosexuality and of homosexual couples, the number of short-lived relationships and the level of promiscuity would be significantly lower. And perhaps it is. I don’t know. I don’t have the statistics to say it isn’t so. However, why is it that I have a nagging feeling that that isn’t necessarily the case, in what is presumably a city with a much greater gay visibility, greater social acceptance and recognition of homosexuals and same-sex couples and relationships, even if not officially sanctioned as 'marriage'?

Or are those long-term same-sex relationships more to do with the dynamics of the individual couples and the lifestyle choices that they make rather than to do with whether society affords them a ‘marriage’ option or status for their relationship? I only wonder. But I’m certainly not confident about Dr Porter’s tacit assertion that public recognition of gay partnerships in the form of ‘marriage’ will be correlated with a decrease in promiscuity and, in turn, an increase in the numbers of long-term gay relationships.

Caritas vs Eros

2004-06-05T02:46:00.000+10:00

I finished reading Andrew Sullivan’s Love Undetectable just over a year ago in between my solitude dips in the Indian Ocean at Cottesloe Beach in Perth, Western Australia. I took a much-needed break away from Melbourne to think through some relationship issues that severely challenged my own spiritual relationship with God.

I deliberately chose to bring along Love Undetectable with me, partly because I was curious to see what Andrew Sullivan had to say about friendships. Love Undetectable was a memoir about life, humanity and survival. In it, he explores a few questions, but the one that I was most interested in was the question of whether friendship could be a substitute for love.

What I read surprised me. Here’s an excerpt from the book. Although I don't necessarily agree with everything he says, the sentiments he expresses in this excerpt gives food for thought, even if a bit extreme in some points.

“The great modern enemy of friendship has turned out to be love. By love, I don’t mean the principle of giving and mutual regard that lies at the heart of friendship. And I don’t mean what Saint Paul meant by love, the Christian notion of indiscriminate and universal agape or caritas, which is based on the universal love of the Christian God.

I mean love in the banal, ubiquitous, compelling, and resilient modern meaning of love: the romantic love that obliterates all other goods, the love to which every life must apparently lead, the love that is consummated in sex and celebrated in every particle of our popular culture, the love that institutionalised in marriage and instilled as a primary and ultimate good in every Western child.

I mean eros, which is more than sex but is bound up with sex. I mean the longing for union with another being, the sense that such a union resolves the essential quandary of human existence, the belief that only such a union can abate the loneliness that seems to come with being human, and deter the march of time that threatens to trivialise our every existence.

The centrality of this love in our culture is so ingrained that it is almost impossible to conceive of a world in which it might not so. And this is strange in a society in which the delusions and dangers of such love are all around us: the wreckage of many modern marriages, the mass of unwanted pregnancies, the devastation of AIDS, the social ostracism of the single and the old. Even those sources of authority that might have once operated as a check on this extraordinary cultural pre-eminence have caved in to the propaganda of eros.

The Christian churches, which once wisely taught the primacy of caritas to eros, and held out the virtue of friendship as equal to the benefits of conjugal love, are now our culture’s primary and obsessive propagandists for the marital unit and its capacity to resolve all human ills and satisfy all human needs.

Far from seeing divorce and abortion and sexual disease as reasons to question our society’s apotheosis of eros, these churches see them merely as opportunities to intensify the idolatry of eros properly conducted and achieved. We live in a world, in fact, in which respect and support for eros has acquired all the hallmarks of a cult. It has become our civil religion.”

Andrew Sullivan, Love Undetectable, p194 &195 (Uncorrected proof version)

Family Values

2004-06-01T01:18:00.000+10:00

Those of you residing in the Great South Land may or may not be aware of the above issue that's reared its head in the news lately. I wish I had something more to say on this subject but as such, I don't. And I don't know if I want to either. And so, this editorial article which appeared in yesterday's Age will have to do, if merely just to keep you up to date with the political observations of an impending Federal election?

Assassinating the Führer

2004-05-26T21:44:00.000+10:00

As I was doing some background reading in preparation for this Sunday’s tribe meeting, I came across something which I thought was worth sharing. For those of you who haven’t heard of a bloke called Dietrich Bonhoeffer, he was a Lutheran pastor and theologian who died at the hands of the Nazi Party in 1944 after a failed assassination attempt on Hitler.

Now, what’s this? A devout Christian who plotted to assassinate someone? Surely that must be one of the most unchristian things to do. Or is it? Aren’t Christians supposed to fight evil with good rather than fight evil with evil? Personally, I believe God would probably care less whether Bonhoeffer’s actions in conspiring to kill a leader of a nation are deemed ‘Christian’ or not by others, and probably care more about the moral reason and weight behind the decisions that he made. (Note – I am referring to external actions and/or attributes here that are traditionally deemed by society as either ‘Christian’ or ‘unchristian’ or strictly ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ within the context of a grey situation.)

But first, here’s a succinct account of Bonhoeffer’s life, taken from a book by Richard Foster.

In 1927, he was a 21-year-old student earning a doctorate in theology from Berlin. In 1930, he was a debater crossing theological swords at Union Theological Seminary in New York, In 1931, he was a teacher exegeting issues of Christian ethics at Berlin University. It seemed like Bonhoeffer was destined for the life of an academic. But the ominous storm clouds of the Third Reich changed everything.

By 1933, Dietrich Bonhoeffer was an activist attacking the idolatrous ‘Aryan Clause’, which excluded Jews from civil service. By 1934, he was a leader in the newly formed Confessing Church, denouncing the heretical defections of the German Christians. (German Christians was the term used for Protestants who supported Hitler. Bonhoeffer was a key figure in forming the Confessing Church as a chief opposition to the German Christians).

By 1935, he was a professor at a secret seminary at Finkenwalde, promoting orthodox doctrines instead of accepting the heretical teachings of the German Christians. By 1937, he was an author attacking ‘cheap grace’ – that is, the indifferent attitude and behaviour of Christians that ‘cheapened’ the free, unmerited favour and love of God towards them by taking it in vain or not taking their faith seriously enough, all this against the backdrop of a nation slipping into an increasingly dangerous and obsessive cult worship of Hitler. By 1939, he was a double agent seeking the defeat of his own nation and deeply involved in the conspiracy to assassinate the Führer. By 1943, he was a prisoner. By 1944, he was a theologian from a prison cell, searching, ever searching for a ‘religionless Christianity’, one in which “man is summoned to share in God’s sufferings” at the hands of what must seemed like a godless world to him then. Finally, on the dawn of Sunday, 8 April 1945, Dietrich Bonhoeffer became a martyr, whispering to his fellow prisoners as he left his cell to be hanged, “This is the end – for me, the beginning of life.”

Bonhoeffer was no perfect Christian, but even so, as a Christian who took his faith seriously – how did he reconcile his faith with being involved in a conspiracy to assassinate another fellow human being?

Richard Foster explains in his book Streams of Living Water (1999:78) that “Bonhoeffer rejected all legalistic systems for defining moral norms. He refused to reduce Christ and Scripture to ethical principles and rules. Instead, he stressed the ongoing, relational dialectic of encountering God’s will, often against our will, and in Christ, receiving the freedom to act responsibly in any given situation. When the centre is clear, the boundaries of responsible action can be open to meet the demands of the present moment.”

Quoting Bonhoeffer, Foster writes, “It is therefore impossible to define the boundary between resistance and submission on abstract principles: but both of them must exist, and both must be practised. Faith demands this elasticity of behaviour.” And so, according to Foster, Bonhoeffer framed an ethic that was responsive to the present but could also allow responsible resistance to the then growing Nazi regime.

Of Sheep & Goats

2004-05-23T23:45:00.000+10:00

“For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me… I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.”
Matthew 25: 42-43, 45

The earliest encounter with poverty that I remember having goes back to when I was five or six years old. I was at a market with my mother when we came across a beggar at the entrance to the market. I can’t remember whether it was a man or a woman but what I saw shook my little body with angst and sadness.

Not long after, the Ethiopia famine of 1984 was at its worst and the images of starving children made me daydream fervently of one day when I’d design and build mass produced low-cost dwellings in order to house those starving children and their homeless families for free. Never mind that food was probably what they needed most urgently rather than a mud shack but that’s another story. I also never did realise that dream either.

At age eight, I remember feeling embarrassed whilst clambering into our green-coloured Mercedes Benz family car. Embarrassed and awkward because I was by then old enough to be aware that it was an expensive car and there were many other poor children whom I’d seen begging at the marketplace who’d never get to sit on the leather seat where my little bum now occupied.

An encounter with another beggar at the market entrance later with my grandmother brought about an epiphany which seared the way I looked at the poor from then on. I was about to drop a coin into the beggar’s cup when my grandmother said something to the effect of, “When you give, remember to use your eyes and look because there are those that need it more so than others.” By that, she meant that I ought to give to those who were obviously disadvantaged because of their physical impairment, be it a handicap or by being blind rather than those who were perfectly able-bodied but who were after an easy buck. My grandmother had introduced to me a new way of looking at the poor and of poverty in a way that my little mind hadn’t yet thought of.

Fast forward 20-odd years or so, and I find that the tension in me about my response to the poor remains. The epiphany I had about poverty as a boy now finds itself competing with other considerations. Someone said at my tribe meeting today that “When I feed the poor, they call me a Christian. When I ask the poor why they are poor, they call me a Communist.” Poverty, when we ask why it exists, be it on a local or global level, suddenly turns it into a socio-political issue – of why some people are poor and others are not, of the different kinds of poverty in industrialised countries like ours versus the shanty towns of developing nations, of global economic policies that perhaps cripple some nations with spiralling national debt that they could never repay back.

For me, as a Christian, I find that even though Jesus himself said that we will always have the poor among us on earth (John 12:8), throughout the Old and New Testaments, God has nevertheless always called his people not to forget the poor, the widow, the fatherless, the marginalised and to speak out against oppression and injustice. I want to identify with and be alongside the poor and yet still want a reasonably fat wallet for myself at the same time. How do I identify with the poor when I, in proportion to the rest of the world, live such an affluent way of life? Yet, what am I doing? And if I am doing something, am I doing enough? Should I do more? When is it enough? How much is it enough? That’s the source of the tension I have within me about social justice and poverty.

It is easy to placate one’s sense of social justice responsibility by sponsoring a child through the many aid organisations. It is quite another to be alongside a stinky, foul-mouthed, unappreciative old man who hasn’t had a bath in weeks in his small boarding room in Fitzroy and spend time with him and helping to wash him. It is one thing to give generous amounts of money to the Salvation Army or the Australian Red Cross, mainly in consideration of how much tax rebate you’d get for that particular financial year, and quite another to volunteer your time freely to teach a refugee English so that she could at least get a job to put food on the table. I'm not saying one is better than the other, just to what extent do we need to get our hands dirty? I mean, we all have different gifts and talents and amounts of resources. So, how much is enough? How far do I need to go? Or as a Scottish friend of mine puts it, "How much isn't enough?"

Today, we looked at the social justice traditions of Christianity at our tribe meeting – for those of you unfamiliar with my church, what we call a ‘tribe meeting’ is basically like a house church or put simply, a group of people meeting at someone’s house on a Sunday for church.

As we read through the parable about the sheep and the goats amongst other passages, I began to realise that the tension which exists in me over poverty is a good thing insofar as it continues to point me to another world yet to come and in turn reminds me that my home isn’t here and not to depend on my material wealth for security. Easier said than done, I know. For C.S. Lewis, the only safe rule in his mind was to give more than he could spare.

He writes in Mere Christianity (1952: 86), "Charity – giving to the poor – is an essential part of Christian morality: in the frightening parable of the sheep and the goats it seems to be the point on which everything turns. . . I do not believe one can settle how much we ought to give. I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare. For many of us the great obstacle to charity lies not in our luxurious living or desire for more money, but in our fear – fear of insecurity." I realised that looking after the poor and the giving away of our resources to help others be it in monetary terms or otherwise links back to not only the first and greatest commandment to love God with all your heart, soul and mind but to also love your neighbour as yourself (Matthew 22:37-39). For John Wesley, looking after the poor also acted as guard against him placing his security in material wealth and storing up treasures on earth. He says, “I gain all I can… I save all I can… and by giving all I can, I am effectually secured from laying up treasures upon earth."

So C.S. Lewis and John Wesley both had their own measures of how much was required of them individually. However, as good as their suggestions may be, this still doesn’t resolve the questions I have for myself as to how much is enough.

At the end of the day, I believe it’s not about a guilt trip (and it shouldn't be) and it’s also not about bagging having material possessions per se. It’s what we do with it, what we place our security in and what we do about those in need around us. Jesus was in the rich man’s house as much as the poor man’s house, and he was willing to give generously to all those that came in contact with him. We are told to look out for the poor and the oppressed, but the weight of responsibility (of how much to give of one’s resources) lies on God himself to put that on our hearts. Our task is to respond to that challenge. James 1:4 tells us that if we lack wisdom in anything, including about what I, ought to do, or how much I ought to give in looking after the poor, I can and should ask God for the answer and He’ll place the burden on my heart appropriately. The last thing we want to do is act out of guilt or out of compulsion because God wants us to give willingly and cheerfully (2 Corinthinans 9:7).

Tim Hein at the tribe meeting summed it up appropriately, reminding those of us present that, ultimately, looking out for the poor and the oppressed is inevitably part of being oriented towards building and extending the kingdom of heaven right here right now. And that like Jesus, it’s not what you earn that matters, it’s who you eat with that says the most about your life.

RECOMMENDED BOOK:
Streets of Hope: Finding God in St Kilda (1998) Tim Costello

Welcome!

2004-05-23T22:38:00.000+10:00

Welcome and thank you for taking some of your time to visit my blog. I hope you will find something encouraging, insightful, provocative, admonishing, funny, silly, stupid and quite possibly, also outright anally-retentive here in the posts that I make, will make and have made.

Please enjoy, critique, criticise positively, laugh, encourage, be angered, comment, and pray with and for me, for others and for the world yonder as you read my posts. Even though I still haven’t found what I’m looking for, I hope my posts will nevertheless help point you towards the place where the streets have no name.