Relax Take It Easy!

A good friend (Mr D) recently asked me if he was allowed to say “Relax!” to me. It was in response to the way I felt about an incident which occurred recently on an intercity bus, and the way I handled the flirtations from a fellow passenger who sat next to me.

Mr C, a mutual friend of Mr D and I, recently also wrote some words of admonishment to me, when he learnt that I was feeling heavily weighed down by the burdens I was feeling for various friends who were (and are) on a similar journey of faith that we're on. He wrote, “God gives each of us our burdens to bear, do not get enmeshed in the challenges God gives to others. He will also apportion the grace necessary to overcome it. All you are asked to do is pray and be obedient to the Spirit’s prompting and/conviction to respond (if any). Your heart is your fortune/treasure, do not be reckless with it!”

Perhaps God had something to teach me through Mr C and Mr D. I love train rides. When I was younger and had time up my sleeves, I used to sometimes hop onto a train in Melbourne and let it take me right to the end of the train line just so I could see other parts of Melbourne that I normally wouldn’t get to see.

Lately, I’ve been wondering where the train I’m on is heading, and which train line I'm actually on. I had friends who were on the train with me, who boarded it willingly because they believed in travelling to the same destination as I was heading towards. But as I watched these same friends slowly get off at various stations one by one as they began to find it too claustrophobic or the travel class too uncomfortable and restrictive, I sat in my seat and with each disembarkation, felt my heart sink a little bit further. The journey started with much hope and vigour and excitement for the future. Who would have thought it would be this long and difficult?

And so lately, I have found myself looking out the carriage window and started wondering if perhaps the grass is greener outside as it appears. I do not think it is. Or at least much of it is not. Still it is cold comfort to the fact that many friends are no longer on the train journey with me. It is in the midst of all this, that through Mr C and D that I catch a glimpse of a different perspective. That God knows where my friends are. And he knows which station they’re at, and which alternate route they’ve taken. And that I need only to concentrate on my own train journey with God. God does not stop me from thinking about or missing my friends. And he appreciates my thinking of them, but he also wants me to “relax”, to also trust Him and not take on any unnecessary baggage that other people may have left behind on the train.

Relax. Truth be told, letting go of our futures and our plans and letting God take control is easier said than done sometimes. And I can be scared shitless some days. Still it is a comforting thought knowing God is also on the train with me. I love this song.

'Relax, Take It Easy' by Mika

Took a ride to the end of the line
Where no one ever goes
Ended up on a broken train with nobody I know
But the pain and the longing's the same
When you're dying
Now I’m lost and I’m screaming for help

Chorus
Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you

It’s as if I’m scared
It’s as if I’m terrified
It’s as if I scared
It’s as if I’m playing with fire
Scared
It’s as if I’m terrified
Are you scared?
Are we playing with fire?

Relax
There is an answer to the darkest times
It’s clear we don’t understand
But the last thing on my mind is to leave you
I believe that we’re in this together
Don’t scream – there are so many roads left

Blowing Bubbles

I first heard this song about nine months ago, when a friend (Mr W) lent me a couple of CDs consisting of a compilation of songs he had burnt. He said that there might be a few songs in there that I might like. And he was right. There was one song in particular - 'Blowing Bubbles' by the Lightning Seeds.

‘Blowing Bubbles’ made me laugh at first because it seemed so frivolous, so silly to be singing about bubbles. Yet the reason why I like this song so much is precisely because it’s not frivolous. I love how its seemingly frivolous chorus gives off an air of ridiculousness. Yet scratch the surface a little and you find that the lyrics actually encapsulate an aspect of humanity which is so close to me, and perhaps to many of us.

And it’s then that the very act of ‘blowing bubbles’ suddenly becomes far more meaningful than the superfluous, innocent image it may have conveyed initially.

As I ponder about the lyrics, I wonder how many of us have spent long nights and days talking to ourselves and to loved ones, sometimes going round in circles, searching for answers and reasons to questions that cannot be answered? How we have tried all sorts of ways to ease the pain and make it go away. And how many lies I have – you have – we have – had to swallow sometimes just to face the world? And what happens when our seemingly perfect bubble dream or dreams burst? And we are forced to recalibrate and take stock of our direction again. Just how long will I – will we keep dreaming elusive perfect bubbles? And how long will I hold out for that deep… whatever it is that I am longing and dreaming for?

Perhaps it’s time to sweep the picture clean, end the foggy yesterday and start afresh, anew? Is there a need to? And how do I invite God back in? Where do you fit into all this, into our lives, God? How much of it is me, and how much of it is it really you, in the form of the Holy Spirit? And do I still trust You? Do I even trust myself? Thing is, how do I get You to blow bubbles with me?

This song is as much for me as it is for the good friend I mentioned in one of my recent posts 'Songs for a Friend'. Unfortunately, I have yet to find an audio/video clip freely available online that I could embed in this post. However, here is a link to an audio clip which will allow you to listen to the song once. May it bring you some light-hearted cheer and put a smile on your face. And as for Mr W – you’re a Godsend. Thank you for blowing bubbles into my life.

'Blowing Bubbles' (from the album Pure)

A whole night

Of talking in circles

Searching for reasons to save us

And keep it all painless

All the lies you've had to swallow

Just to face the world tomorrow
Blowing bubbles

Your whole world

Can turn on a moment

Some things can come back and haunt you

They're too late to warn you

Blowing bubbles, it's the final straw

They never last too long but for a moment

Perfection’s floating through an open door
You try and touch it but it turns to nothing

Drinking in the dead of night

Tobacco clouds that sting your eyes

You've locked your feelings deep inside

Growing pains that never die

You need to sweep the picture clean

And start to dream another dream

And end this foggy yesterday

That still reminds you

Nobody Sees

Seems like these days, words don’t come to me as easily as they used to. I find that it is much easier to let music do my talking instead.

Whenever I listen to this Powderfinger song, I find myself converging in my mind in two slightly different directions.

The first is that of self-reflection and a stocktaking of my own life – the questions I haven’t dared yet to ask, the “what ifs” to the many possible paths I could take in this life. The questions that belie the deeper hopes and dreams that I haven’t yet dared breathe life into. The unanswered questions. Like the Psalmists who penned many heartwrenching psalms and songs in the Old Testament, he knows the lament is not offensive to God, who longs to hear our grievances.

"All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you." Psalm 38:9

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

And like the Psalmist, at the end of it, I know I can find comfort in Christ,who wept for his dead friend Lazarus, and again over the fate of Jerusalem before his crucifixion. He knows what it is like to have a broken heart and he knows what it is to be abandoned and alone.

"Jesus wept." John 11:35

Nobody Sees - Powderfinger

Who's gonna pick you up?
Who's gonna bend your rules?
Who's gonna be your prop?
Who's gonna play your fool?

Nobody knows just how it feels today
Nobody sees how our hearts break

Who's gonna watch your back?
Who's gonna reel you in?
Who'll make surprise attacks?
Who's gonna be there at the end?

Nobody knows just how it feels today
Nobody sees how our hearts break

Who's gonna bring you round?
Who's gonna let you sleep?
Who's gonna break your frown?
Who's gonna fall down at your feet?

The second direction my mind takes is that on friendships and the beauty of close friendships. I think of Sam and Frodo from Lord of the Rings or David and Jonathan, or Ruth and Naomi from the Old Testament. The friend or friends who will stand by your side for better, for worse. Or as this next YouTube videoclip suggests, between Dean and Sam from Supernatural. Now, I have never ever seen an episode of Supernatural so I really cannot comment on their relationship in the context of the TV show.

But I thought the clip portrayed their friendship in a way that was strangely analogous to the journey that we are on – for those of us who are followers of Christ – in terms of our duty of care and love we have towards our fellow pilgrims, our fellow brothers (and sisters) in Christ. Of how we are to encourage one another and to help carry each other’s burdens and to watch out for each other, not forgetting that our struggle is not just against flesh and blood, but also against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Ephesians 6:12)

Click here for if you're curious in checking out the YouTube clip with the same song set to scenes involving Dean and Sam from Supernatural.

Songs for a Friend

It's hard to know what to say sometimes when a good friend is finding life tough going. One can only listen and pray and hope that they will come through it OK. It can be scary when all that you once thought you knew and were so sure of suddenly doesn't seem to make sense any more. And you wonder what went wrong and whether it's been all a waste of time and if you can indeed find your own way.

This is a prayer of songs - a terrible one at that because the music just seems so all over the place. Nonetheless the lyrics capture some of the raw emotions that we sometimes encounter on this journey called life. And I hope that the last song will lift your spirits a little - may it remind us to always feel the morning sun and to grasp the hope and promise of a brand new day with each sunrise.

In the Sun - Joseph Arthur (Performed by Michael Stipe & Coldplay)

I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you've seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

May God’s love be with you
Always
May God’s love be with you

I know I would apologise if I could see your eyes
'Cause when you showed me myself I became someone else
But I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need
I picture you fast asleep
A nightmare comes
You can’t keep awake

May God’s love be with you
Always
May God’s love be with you

‘Cause if I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find
If I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find
You

I don’t know anymore
What it’s for
I’m not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understand
‘Cause I been caught in between all you wish for and all you need
Maybe you’re not even sure what it’s for
Any more than me



Wake Up Dead Man - U2

Jesus, Jesus help me
I'm alone in this world
And a fucked up world it is too
Tell me, tell me the story
The one about eternity
And the way it's all gonna be

Wake up, wake up dead man
Wake up, wake up dead man

Your father, he's in charge of heaven
He made the world in seven
Would you put in a word in for... me

Walk On - U2

And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
If for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong

Walk on, walk on
What you got, they can't steal it
No, they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight

You're packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been
A place that has to be believed, to be seen
You could have flown away
A singing bird in an open cage
Who will only fly, only fly, for freedom

Walk on, walk on
What you got, they can't deny it
Can't sell it, or buy it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight

And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
You can only take so much
Walk on

Home - Hard to know what it is, if you never had one
Home - I can't say what it is, but I know I'm going
Home - It's where the hurt is

And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
You can only take so much
Walk on

You gotta leave it behind
Leave it behind
You've got to leave it behind

All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you deal
All you count on two fingers
And steal

Leave it behind
You've gotta leave it behind
Leave it behind
Leave it behind



Se a vida e (That’s the Way Life Is) - Pet Shop Boys

Come outside and see a brand new day
The troubles in your mind will blow away
It's easy to believe they're here to stay
But you won't find them standing in your way

Se a vida e, I love you
Come outside and feel the morning sun
Se a vida e, I love you
Life is much more simple when you're young
Come on, essa vida e
That's the way life is
That's the way life is

Although we see the world through different eyes
We share the same idea of paradise
So don't search in the stars for signs of love
Look around your life, you'll find enough

Why do you want to sit alone in gothic gloom
Surrounded by the ghosts of love that haunt your room?
Somewhere there's a different door to open wide
You gotta throw those skeletons out of your closet and come outside

So you will see a brand new day
The troubles in your mind will blow away
It's easy to believe they're here to stay
But you won't find them standing in your way

Se a vida e, I love you
Come outside and feel the morning sun
Se a vida e', I love you
Life is much more simple when you're young
Come on, essa vida e
That's the way life is
That's the way life is

Love is in the Air

In just the last 24 hours alone, four people I know have gotten engaged. With three of them, I was told of the news separately but consecutively within the space of about 30 minutes – literally! My head was spinning. I actually seriously doubted the third person – poor bugger – thinking it was some kind of a joke, but he eventually convinced me that he wasn’t pulling my leg. People say that things often come in threes and in this case, that certainly was the case.

And this is not including another distant friend’s announcement of his engagement two weekends ago or a work colleague’s engagement dinner party which I’ve been invited to this weekend or the wedding of a good friend down in Melbourne early next month. Should I even bother mentioning another friend from my teenage years who’s tying the knot in mid March or my cousin’s wedding in late March? That’s altogether nine couples – eight straight, one gay – who have gotten engaged or who will be tying the knot and we’re barely into the second month of 2008! Looks like Cupid certainly has been busy in the lead up to Valentine’s Day. And looks like it will be an expensive year for me ahead!

As I ponder about the beauty and joy of relationships, I cannot but feel happiness for these friends of mine – some more so than others, especially those with whom I have witnessed significant personal growth in their lives because of the relationship. Companionship and love are good gifts from God and they are to be celebrated.

But this is also where I stop and remember my fellow pilgrims and sojourners who are single, be that by choice or circumstance. My heart goes out especially to those who have chosen to remain single, but who find themselves struggling with that choice. Those who struggle with carrying a cross in which they perhaps feel they did not willingly choose to carry in the first place.

This made me ponder and reflect on my own life. Often, when people probe about why I’m not looking for a relationship, I tell them that I’m content with life as it is – being single. Admittedly, while circumstance may have forced my hand somewhat, ultimately, it is also a choice I have willingly made. But am I really content or am I just settling for what I feel is the only default option available to me?

I was recently reminded again that contentment is not about self-sufficiency but rather Christ sufficiency. That contentment is not about resignation and acceptance of the status quo but satisfaction with what one has chosen. It is not the surrender of ambition but rather the submission to Christ and to His purposes. Godly contentment therefore isn’t a case of becoming complacent, passive or a stoic detachment from life.

Being reminded about what contentment is all about - in the face of seeing friends pairing up and seeing the joys and blessings of companionship, made me reflect again. And I wondered - how much of what I say about my being single and being content is really true, and how much of it is mere well-rehearsed rhetoric? How much of my ‘contentment’ can truly be attributed to Christ sufficiency and not just a case of resignation or a passive acceptance of the status quo in my life? Or indeed, a surrender of ambition, of hope on my part? This is important – because I realised that merely resigning myself to the status quo will breed discontentment. It will be like a wound that becomes infected. It is also self-delusional. If I choose singleness, it must be because I have freely chosen, freely given up, freely renounced (marriage) – and not because of forced resignation or under duress.

The late Walter Trobisch wisely wrote, “The art of giving up, of renouncing, is also the secret of happiness in a single person’s life. To give up one’s self is as important for a single person as it is for one who is married. Those who learn this art will never be lonesome, even if they are single. Those who don’t will always be lonesome, even though they are married (or partnered).”

Indeed, as followers of Christ, our primary loyalties in life shift as soon as we come into personal contact with Jesus. Jesus insists that his followers live sacrificial lives that will make little sense in the eyes of the world. “Anyone does not take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. (Matthew 10:38-39).

Al Hsu in The Single Issue, writes about “a time of reckoning” in our lives. He says, “To take up one’s cross is to be sentenced to death. But this is something that all singles must eventually grapple with, and come to a time of reckoning. Almost everybody grows up expecting to marry. We live with the expectation of marriage. Because we plan on having a mate, to not have one implies a sense of loss and incompleteness, and perhaps may lead to feelings of loneliness and failure. But as adulthood continues, we encounter a transition time when we discover that our dreams may have been unrealistic. It is not wrong to hope for a relationship or a marriage. But it is definitely not healthy to build our lives around events that are uncertain. Instead, individuals, especially Christians, must learn both to prepare for the future and to live fully in the present. We must face the fact that marriage may not be a possibility. It is only then when I come to this point that I completely hand over my life to God – all my dreams, hopes and desires for a partner, and tell him that my first priority will be to find my identity in Christ and in him alone. And this reckoning is a kairos moment – a significant moment in time in which I acknowledge that I am called to live my life fully for Christ regardless of my marital or relationship (italics mine) status.”

Richard Foster calls this kind of ‘reckoning’ – this living sacrifice experience – ‘relinquishment’. And that the way of relinquishment is the movement from “my will be done” to “not my will, but yours (that is, Christ)”. This process involves struggle, because it is difficult to give up those desires and dreams that are so dear to us. But this is just the process. Foster says, “Struggle is important because the prayer of relinquishment is Christian prayer and not fatalism. We do not resign ourselves to fate. We are not locked into a pre-set, determinist future. Ours is an open, not a closed universe. We are co-labourers with God, as the apostle Paul put it – working with God to determine the outcome of events. Therefore our prayer efforts are a genuine give and take, a true dialogue with God – and a true struggle.”

But reckoning and relinquishment do not mean that we lose all that we have ever hoped for in life. Foster reminds us, “We are dealing with crucifixion of the will, not the obliteration of the will. Crucifixion always has resurrection tied to it.” Death is a central theme in Christian theology only because it prepares the way for the glory of the resurrection. God allows us to continue living after the reckoning point because people who are fully committed to him can be the most productive for the cause of Christ. But relinquishment and contentment is not a state at which we arrive suddenly over night, or once and for all. It is a slow pilgrimage, and there are many stumblings and bruisings along the way. And such a reckoning isn’t just only for singles but every person.

As Valentine’s Day approaches, I am reminded again that I am still continuously learning how to cultivate relinquishment and contentment. It has not always been easy. But it has gotten easier over time. May I share the Prayer of Therese with you. Click here.