525,600 Minutes

And so, little me turns 28 today, on the 28th. I like 28. It rolls off my tongue. Say it with me – “Twenty-eight”. And again – “Twenty-eight”. As I reflect on another year gone by, I realise that perhaps these two songs best sum up my thoughts on the past year and on turning 28.



Indeed, how do you measure a year? How does one measure 525,600 minutes? What have I done or achieved with my 525,600 minutes? It’s true that I’ve learned a little, cried a little, burned a few bridges (by accident) and also died a little. Click here for the lyrics.

In reflecting on how I’ve spent my 525,600 minutes, this next song says it all. I am like each of the persons in the clip. (Warning - Contains graphic scenes that may be disturbing for some viewers)

‘Grace Like Rain’ – By Todd Agnew


I am Judas who accepted the silver coins
and who betrayed Jesus with a kiss.
I am the woman caught in adultery, saved by Jesus from being stoned.
I am the High Priest who questioned what Jesus taught
and who he claimed to be.
And I am Peter who denied Jesus three times before the crowd.

I am Pontius Pilate who washed his hands off Jesus
and wanted nothing more to do with him.
I am the Roman soldier who whipped Jesus.
I am Simon of Cyrene, who carried the cross reluctantly for Jesus.
Yet, even so, Jesus, my lover, resurrects from death to offer me mercy,
grace and hope in spite of all the pain I’ve caused him.

Eden's Hope

I was at a friend’s 30th birthday lunch yesterday down in Red Hill. She had about 20 guests and at one point, she was so happy that she exclaimed, “This is even better than my wedding day!” (She’s single and has never been married) I broke into a wide smile and chuckled with her. I thought that was a wicked line and was thoroughly joyous for her.

Lunch finished at about 4:30pm. By the time I got home, it was just after 6pm. Melbourne’s winter darkness had already set in by then and I crawled into my bed, exhausted and feeling a wave of despondency and pain creeping up. I fell into a semi-conscious state of rest whilst reciting Psalms 23.


A thousand and one calculations

I had been nursing a two-week-old wound – the wound of having to part ways with someone I really connected with whilst interstate recently. Friends are important. More to the point, meaningful relationships are important. No man is an island and you often discover bits about yourself that you hadn’t been aware of from interacting with another person. We were made for relationships. We were made for communion with one another. But we are also fallen beings.

Our minister got us to look at Genesis 1-3 today. The pain of being fallen and broken could not be more obvious. Before the Fall, man and woman were both naked before each other and yet felt no shame (Gen 2:25). After the Fall, however, the eyes of Adam and Eve were opened and both of them clamoured to find something to cover themselves up with.

Gone was the feeling of being safe with one another, of not needing to be ashamed. Gone was the ability to be truthful and genuine with one another. After the Fall, we no longer feel safe. We feel a sense of vulnerability. We hurt others and others hurt us. We wonder what others think of us and whether they like us or accept us. We are susceptible to playing mind games with one another and we cover ourselves up in an attempt to protect ourselves fromgetting hurt. The sense of vulnerability is in all of us. And we long for Eden again.

Such was the state I have been in for the past two weeks. Vulnerable and somewhat confused. Wondering what I should do with the connection I’d so strongly felt with another human being – with another guy. Me doing a thousand and one calculations in my head yet again, questioning my motives, weighing my heart, fearful of being a stumbling block to the person in deepening his relationship with Christ, yet painfully aware of the tuggings of my own heart towards him.

All That You Can't Leave Behind

Indeed – how I terribly long for Eden again. How I long for a time when we could all relate to each other perfectly without fear and without ulterior motives, and where I could feel safe with every person out there, all of whom carry the image of God in them. How I long to be able to love all the men (and women) in my life without fear and with the utmost purity. How I long for the place where the streets have no name. And U2 has been a deep source of spiritual comfort in the past two weeks.

Going back to my friend’s birthday celebration, friends can help point us back to God – the originator of relationships. Our earthly friendships can mirror the love of God the Creator has for us his creation.

St Augustine once said, “Friendship is an image of God's love for us since authentic and generous friendship mirrors the love that Christ showed for us on the cross.” Christ himself said, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13)"It is a love that does not look for anything in return for the love given, and finds happiness in promoting the interests and happiness of the other. Such a love warms the heart, thrills the mind, and urges the friend to give everything for the other – just as Christ does for us – and leads to happiness in this world while pointing to God, who, Himself, is Love."

What also gives me comfort, however, is also the knowledge that all is not lost. The story in Genesis does not end with mankind being left to their own devices. While the man and woman sewed pathetic fig leaves together to make coverings for themselves, God provided more endurable garments made of animal skin and clothed them instead. Right from the beginning of history, God is already actively involved in the redemption process.

The story in Genesis 1-3 is essentially a preface to a book about relationships, about redemption and about a new Garden of Eden that will be restored one day. It is also about the choices that we make in relation to God, who has not left us to our own devices in spite of our brokenness.


Friends - 'A Home at the End of the World'

And so, upon unburdening oneself on a couple of fellow pilgrims today, the realisation that all was not necessarily lost between that person (I connected with whilst interstate) and my humble self has greatly consoled me. That I could choose to steer the friendship towards Christ instead of forgetting him.

As Dreadnought pointed out, our feelings are but just that – feelings. The Church and, indeed God, does not condemn or shame us for our feelings, especially when they are feelings of having connected with another person made in the image of God. Rather, to quote Dreadnought, “what a man does is more important than what he happens to sometimes feel.” And indeed, in the same way, what we do in response to God’s tugging in our lives is more important than what we feel/think about Him.